


I Forgot That You Existed

by Aerstes



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Amnesia, Amnesia AU, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Banter, Coma, Denial of Feelings, Eventual Smut, F/F, Fix-It, Fluff, Humor, Hurt/Comfort, Mutual Pining, Pining, SuperCorp, Supercorp endgame, any of you guys put up with enough straight films to have seen the vow? Its like that, canon adjacent, i just want supercorp endgame is that so much to ask, i know nothing about medical science fyi, idk man tv was just better when every show ever made had a silly amnesia episode, is it slowburn if they're already married? cuz like..., s5 is fucking me up so bad you guys HELP, slowburn, starts off really angsty but it's gonna get fun and rom-com-ie i swear, supercorp amnesia au, the more you compare this fic to the tswift song of its namesake the more it hurts...
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-10-17
Updated: 2020-05-07
Packaged: 2020-12-21 21:15:53
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 13
Words: 72,612
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21062933
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Aerstes/pseuds/Aerstes
Summary: Lena and Kara are about to celebrate their second wedding anniversary when Lena gets into a terrible car accident that leaves her with no memory of her and Kara's life together. As Kara tries to navigate the new rules of their relationship, she wonders if it's possible to rewrite their story: replacing it with one that's a bit less messy than the first time around





	1. Don't Drink and Drive, Kids

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Who am I supposed to talk to? What am I supposed to do, if there's no you?"
> 
> *This fic will be slowly compile a playlist of music with each chapter update. This chapter's playlist songs are:  
Last Kiss  
Soon You’ll Get Better  
(both by Taylor Swift)*

Kara looked around at the apartment; the lit candles, the roses (all ten dozen of them), the dinner warming in the oven that she had  _ not _ burnt, thank you very much, and the gift bag sitting on the counter ready to be opened, and she sighed contentedly. It was  _ perfect _ . 

Well, close to perfect. Kara was one of those people who could never quite do enough when it came to gift giving and special occasions. She always wished she had bought just one more gift, written one more line on the card, spent one more minute decorating, and so on and so forth. And it  _ was _ a special occasion, after all. As of today, her and Lena had been married for two years. She smiled and laughed quietly to herself, like she always did when she took a moment to think about how they had ended up here, after everything. Who would have known? 

Kara smoothed her dress with anxious hands, turning to look back at her reflection in the mirror next to the front door. New dress, new perfume, new shade of lipstick. Would Lena like it? All of it? 

Well, of course she would, it was Lena. But...Kara just really had to know for sure that Lena would love everything tonight. At a certain point, nights like this felt more like apologies than celebrations. Every birthday, anniversary, and holiday that they got to spend together was a way to reconnect to make up for lost time. And they had lost a lot of it. 

Catco was always busy. The city always needed saving. L-Corp was always on the verge of a major technological breakthrough. The time Lena and Kara carved out for each other was rare and had to be cherished. Kara supposed it was like that with most married couples, but she always felt a pang of guilt about it nonetheless. More often than not all she wanted was to curl up on the couch with her wife for a long, lazy evening. She wanted to be able to come home and to shut off her phone and her DEO comm and give Lena her full attention. But she couldn’t. There was always some interruption. And Lena was much the same with her own work. But Kara wouldn’t give up being a superhero and a journalist for anything in the world, and Lena felt the same way about L-Corp. And it sometimes created a tension between them that they just couldn’t solve. If only…

Kara shook the thoughts out of her head. It didn’t matter tonight. Lena would be home any minute, Alex swore on her daughter’s life that she would handle anything that came up at the DEO for the night, and everything was going to be perfect.

As if on cue, Kara saw her phone screen light up with Lena’s name. She smiled, wondering if the fluttering in her stomach would ever go away when she thought of Lena, and picked up the phone. 

“Hi, I know I’m late, I’m…” Lena rushed to say.

“Don’t say sorry,” Kara insisted. “You’re not even late!”

“Well, not yet, no, but I’m seeing far too many brake lights on the highway right now. But I’m on my way, I promise.” 

“Okay,” Kara chuckled. “Sure you’re not just squeezing in one last lab test?”

“Absolutely not. In fact, I left my work phone in my desk.” 

Kara gasped dramatically.

“I don’t believe it,” she joked. 

“I swear I did!” Lena insisted through a laugh. “The building can burn down tonight for all I care. This is more important.” 

“Well I appreciate the sentiment, but you know a skyscraper on fire would then fall into my department of things that would distract from our evening, right?”

“Oh, well in  _ that _ case, I’ll drive back to the office and tell the new interns to go home early before they nearly blow up the robotics wing again.” 

“Are you still mad at Bobby for that? He’s a good kid! He’s just a little clumsy. I can’t help but empathize.” 

Kara couldn’t help but lean her face into the phone with a giddy smile. Tonight already felt so much lighter, easier, more full of love than the rest of the week had been. 

“You wouldn’t say that if you paid the insurance bill. Anyway, I’ll be home as soon as I can. And Kara?” 

“Yes, love?” 

Lena paused. She always did when Kara called her that, so that she could smile, shake her head, and try to remember what she had been saying. 

“I wanted to let you know that…”

There was a strange sound then that cut Lena off mid-sentence. Like a popping sound, but with an almost metallic scrape along with it, and then a soft thudding. Kara blinked, waiting for Lena to explain the noise and then continue on with what she was saying. But she didn’t. 

“Lena?” Kara asked. 

She looked at the screen of her phone to make sure the call was still connected. It was. She put the phone back to her ear to try and hear something,  _ anything _ . And then she heard it, a car horn, long and loud yet muffled and warbled like it was under water. 

“Lena?” Kara asked again, her voice becoming desperate.

The call disconnected. 

*

Kara gripped the cup of coffee in her hands as steadily as she could. But her hands shook so violently that she had to suck down half of the bitter liquid in one go just to keep it from sloshing out of the flimsy cardboard that she held onto for dear life. She didn’t remember who had given it to her, she just remembered looking down as suddenly seeing herself holding it.

Her eyes couldn’t focus on any one thing. Any time she tried to look at something too closely, the tears that were ever present and threatening to brim over her bottom lids would blur her vision until her eyes stung. She felt hot and cold, trembling and paralyzed, dreaming and too painfully awake, all at the same time. The nervous energy seemed to radiate out of her in a way that was palpable. Everyone that walked through this particular ward of the hospital seemed to give her a wide berth, careful not to come too close. 

After all, what do you say to a woman whose wife was currently fighting for her life on a surgical table after her car had been struck so violently that it flipped over the bridge barrier and into the bay below? 

No one asked Kara why she was there, or what had happened. Everyone knew. And in case they had missed it, not to worry, because it was all over the televisions in the waiting room, which were all turned to local news stations. And much to Kara’s dismay, there were no remotes she could find to turn the channel or turn them off altogether. 

_ “Breaking news: L-Corp CEO Lena Luthor in critical condition after drunk driver collision. More on this tragic accident after the break.” _

Kara felt a warm sensation on her right hand. She looked down to see that she had crushed the cup in her hand, it’s contents soaking into her dress and into the beige carpet beneath her. She threw the cup aside, some small rebellion against the confines of her waking nightmare, and stood up with an exasperated sigh. She turned to storm out of the waiting room, having no idea where she was going to go, only to see Alex running down the hall towards her. 

“Kara?” she nearly yelled. 

Kara couldn’t help but crash into her sister roughly as she let herself be pulled into Alex’s embrace. Her stinging tears finally let themselves fall onto Alex’s shoulder as Kara finally started to fall apart. 

*

At some point Kara had been ushered into a more private waiting area, which was basically a large closet space with a couch and a television mounted to the wall, which was thankfully shut off. Kara didn’t know what time it was. She realized at some point that in her panic to rush to the hospital, she had left her phone at the apartment. It was probably for the better. She couldn’t talk to anyone, couldn’t even check the time every five seconds, counting the hours Lena had been in surgery. 

“You need to get some rest,” Alex soothed as she tried to cajole Kara into lying down on the couch. 

“I can’t, Alex. I...I can’t,” she said, and pointed to the most terrifying object in the room: a corded phone sitting on a small end table. 

It would ring when there was any news. Kara didn’t want it to ring. She didn’t want them to tell her her wife was dead. She would rather sit in this limbo for the rest of her life than get that call. 

“You’re not doing anyone any good making yourself sick with worry like this. If it rings, I will wake you up.”

“I can’t just sleep, Alex!” Kara snapped fiercely. “Would you be able to rest, if it was Kelly in there? Would you, really?”

Alex faltered. 

“No,” she said softly. 

“That’s what I thought. I…”

As if by some cruel joke, at that moment, the phone rang. It was ear piercing, and dissonant, and painfully loud. Kara thought she was ready for it when it finally rang. She thought she would be able to pick it up and listen intently as she heard the news: good or bad. But instead she froze, her heart racing, her palms sweating. She felt herself get dizzy as she tried desperately to breathe, but no breath was big enough to fill her lungs, to bring her any relief. She reached out and gripped Alex’s wrist tightly, her eyes locked on the shrill, shrieking phone. 

“I c-I can’t...Alex, I-” was all Kara could make her mouth utter.

Alex nodded, understanding, and picked up the phone, bringing it reverently to her ear. 

“Yes?” Alex said into the phone.

Kara could have heard it, if she wanted to. She could have extended her hearing enough to hear exactly what was being said on the other line. But she couldn’t bring herself to. She was too paralyzed by the fear of what she might hear. 

“Okay,” Alex said after listening for a moment, her voice blank and unreadable. “Yes. Okay. Thank-thank you. Yes. Right. I’ll let her know.” 

Alex put the phone back down with a heavy ‘click’. Kara couldn’t look at her.

“Kara?” Alex said, moving to crouch in front of Kara where she said on the couch. “Hey. Kara. Look at me.” 

Kara slowly brought her eyes to meet her sister’s. She had never felt so petrified in her life. 

“Lena is okay. She pulled through. You didn’t lose her. Kara. Kara, did you hear me? Kara, she’s-”

Alex was cut off as Kara pulled her into a near bone crushing hug, hearing her little sister wail and pray in Kryptonian that she couldn’t pretend to understand. 

*

Lena was being kept in a lavish private suite at the top floor of the hospital. It was the least they could do for their most generous donor. Extra security had been added to prevent any reporters from slipping in for an exclusive. That was, except for the reporter she was married to. That realization garnered the first laugh from Kara anyone had heard since the accident. 

Kara had all but moved into the place. She refused to leave the room, even for a snack. Alex had handled that, though. She made sure to bring heaps of takeout, water bottles, and regretfully healthy snacks into the room, watching Kara like a hawk to make sure she would actually eat something. She also brought her a few changes of clothes, and had all but locked Kara in the bathroom so that she would shower and put something more comfortable on. When any feeling other than worry was able to exist in Kara’s mind, she would be sure to be grateful to her sister for keeping her alive, and something akin to sane, despite the circumstances. 

The doctor’s had told them that Lena was okay. And that was true within the relative existence of the situation at hand. But compared to people who were actually “okay”, living and breathing and talking and laughing outside this hospital, Lena was not okay at all. She was, for now, in an induced coma while the swelling around her brain went down. 

Yeah, it was as bad as it sounded. 

Kara thought she had enough experience in human fragility in crisis to have been prepared for anything. But nothing could have prepared her for when she had first walked into Lena’s room and saw the state she was in. Her head was half shaved from the surgery, though it was hidden beneath inch thick bandages wrapped around her skull like a bad Halloween costume. Her eyes were dark and bruised, her lips cracked and dry and always parted by the ventilator that allowed her to breathe. It was horrifying. But she was alive. And that made her the most beautiful thing Kara had ever seen.

No one would give Kara a clear answer as to when Lena would wake up. Sometimes they said a couple weeks, sometimes over a month, most times it was “too soon to tell”. Kara hated the limits of human technology. She hated the barbaric medicine, the clunky machinery wheeled in and out to test Lena’s vitals every hour, the cars that zipped around the hospital carelessly, not caring who or what they destroyed…

She’d made amends with the television, however. The one in Lena’s room had been turned to the “classics” channel, which played “I Love Lucy” reruns almost exclusively. Kara could watch them for hours, laughing lightly at the slapstick comedy as the beeping of Lena’s monitors lulled her into a numb trance, her fingers permanently clasped with Lena’s limp ones. 

Night had fallen again. It was a Thursday, according to the marker board next to the door that the nurses wiped clean and re-wrote with their names and the date at the beginning of each shift. Lena had been in her coma for, what, eight days? That sounded about right. The novelty of the accident had worn off. Well wishers with deep pockets and curious stock holders had stopped trying to sneak their way into Kara’s good graces in hopes of an update on Lena’s condition. The news outlets had stopped talking about the story altogether. Onto the next crisis. Kara hadn’t adorned the super suit since the accident. Nothing seemed important enough to tear her attention away. Aside from Alex, Kelly, Nia, Brainy, and J’onn stopping by to check in on the two women whenever they could, a lazy hush had fallen over the hospital room. Kara sat in her usual spot in the reclining chair pressed as close to Lena’s bedside as possible. She was sitting on the edge of it, hunched over Lena’s bed, her head dipping into the thin mattress every now and then as she fought off sleep like it was an old nemesis. She just wanted to look at her wife a little longer, watch the flitting of her eyes beneath her closed eyelids as she continued to exist in an unshakeable dream. 

“Who would have guessed this, Lena?” Kara asked her. She had found that forcing herself to talk sometimes helped to stay awake when she stubbornly wished to avoid sleep. “All the things we’ve been through. All the things we’ve saved each other from. All the times you were almost taken away from me. Bad guys aiming guns at your chest, drones armed with missiles. Bombs. Assassins. Psychotic family members.” She paused to will her breathing to cease it’s shaking. “The lies. The heartbreak. The pain we caused each other. The fights, the tears. All of it. We got through all of it. So who would have guessed, Lena, that one drunk asshole in a rusty Civic would have gotten closer than anything else to taking you away from me?” 

Kara felt her chest quake as she inhaled deeply. 

“So that’s why you have to come back to me. Right? Because you’re Lena Luthor. It would be an insult to everything you are, everything you’ve fought for, to let something as silly as a car wreck take you out of this world. You hear me, Lena?” 

Maybe she was already half asleep and dreaming, maybe she had finally caved to the delirium of her troubled mind, but Kara swore she felt Lena squeeze her hand, just for a moment.

*

“I just don’t see the logic in continuing to dance around Kara’s emotions like this!”

“Brainy, just stop, okay?” Nia scolded.

“He’s not wrong. The DEO is drowning without Supergirl around to help. News outlets are starting to question Supergirl’s disappearance. The board of executives at L-Corp are all but threatening mutiny without any clear leadership.”

“J’onn, her wife is in a  _ coma _ , what do you expect her to do?” Alex asked heatedly.

“I don’t know. But things can’t keep going on the way that they are.” 

Kara rolled her eyes. 

“Did you guys forget about the superhearing, or?” she said bitterly as she kept her gaze locked on the TV while flipping idly through the channels.

The group outside the door grew quiet. Alex was the first to step into the room.

“Sorry,” she said. “How’s she doing?” 

Kara sighed. 

“Better? I guess? I don’t really know. The doctor makes everything sound as positive as possible. But nothing really seems to have changed, and I don’t think anyone has the guts to tell me the truth. So,” she sat up straight, giving the group her full attention as she tried to nonchalantly wipe single tear from her cheek. “Let’s not talk about that. Now. As far as L-Corp is concerned, the board is more than capable of holding down the fort for a few more weeks as is, at least. I’ve already done a few skype calls into their meetings to smooth things over. They’re just trying to turn this into a selfish power grab. Did you know that Lillian even threw her name into the hat for CEO pro-tempore? From  _ prison _ ? And as far as Supergirl is concerned. Well. If Superman can jump ship to a whole other planet for awhile, then I can certainly take a sabbatical. Last I checked, the world has not blown up yet. So...it’s fine. Right?”

There was a collective, uncomfortable clearing of throats.

“Right. Of course,” Alex said.

“Besides. Lena will wake up any day now. So it doesn’t matter. Everything will be fine.”

A very uncomfortable silence fell on the room. No one dared disturb it.

*

Kara was taking her third daily walk around the outside of the hospital. It was a relatively new routine. As hermit-like as she had become over the past three weeks, even she was starting to feel too cooped up in within the confines of the hospital. And besides, enough time had passed that no one was around outside anymore wanting updates or information. No one cared. No one even expected Lena to wake up anymore. They didn’t have to say it for it to be true. Everyone had given up hope. Except Kara. She knew Lena better than anyone. And Lena would pull through this. 

She would. 

She had to. 

Any doubts in the back of Kara’s mind were simply becuase of everyone else being so negative all the time. 

She hadn’t been gone long. 

Kara had only walked three or so laps around the hospital, if that. But it was just enough to miss it. 

*

Kara walked slowly, casually back into the hospital room, letting out a small, defeated sigh as she did every time she re-entered that room. Because the outcome was always the same. The same quiet emptiness. The same “I Love Lucy” re-runs on the TV that she was sick to death of. The same soft sound of Lena clearing her throat…

Wait, what?

Kara’s eyes all but bulged out of her skull as she looked over to see Lena sitting up in her bed, completely awake. 

“L-LEna?” she nearly whispered. 

“Yes?” Lena croaked, her vocal chords adjusting to their new found use. “Sorry. Um. Where am I?” 

Kara had perhaps pictured this moment too many times. Pictured her waking up and being so happy to be alive and with her loving wife once again that perhaps there would never have been a realistic scenario good enough to live up to Kara’s expectations. So she made herself stop, breathe, and let Lena set the pace for the reunion she had been dreaming of since the moment her life had fallen apart.

“You, ah...you’re in the hospital. You were in a car accident. You um…”

_ Don’t tell her how long she’s been in a coma, Kara, it will just make her panic. But she’ll hate it if you sugar coat it. So be as honest as you can. And for the love of Rao no matter how much you want to, don’t hug her right now, you’ll just hurt her… _

Kara moved towards Lena’s bedside, hovering over it, shifting her weight from one foot to the other, trying as hard as she could to contain the urge to sob all over Lena.

“You have a broken nose, broken wrist,” Kara struggled, willing her breath to calm. “Three broken ribs, and a bruised collarbone. All of them are healing wonderfully. Really, they are.”

“Why, um…” Lena struggled, pointing with one hand to the bandages on her hand while the other hand probed them until she found the patch of fuzzy hair slowly growing back on the left side of her head. Her eyes grew wide. 

“Right. Um. Well, when the car went over the…” Kara cleared her throat.  _ Don’t tell her about the bay. _ “When the accident happened. You um, had some fractures in your skull. A shard of your skull, ah...You know what? We can talk about all of that later. The point is you’re gonna be okay. And you’re awake. And I am... _ so _ glad, Lena. You have no idea how much I…”   
  


Lena nodded in the way that told Kara that she didn’t want to hear any more. Kara fell silent, wondering what to do or say next. Why did talking to her feel so...foreign? 

“I understand. Thank you, nurse. If you could call the doctor as soon as possible, I’d appreciate it.” 

Kara froze. Did Lena just…

“Lena, I’m not...do you know who I am?” 

Lena’s tired eyes narrowed in confusion, looking at Kara’s face, then down at her hands, then closely into her eyes.

“No,” Lena said resolutely. “Should I?” 

Kara suddenly felt sick to her stomach. She felt the whole room shrinking, caving in on her. 

“Lena, I’m...I’m your wife.”

Lena tilted her head, considering Kara with a look Kara had never seen her give her before. It was one of complete unfamiliarity.

“I’m sorry...what?” Lena asked. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shit, it has been...what, almost 2 years since I've written any supercorp stories? I thought I was done with this ship for good, but those...baiting...bastards sucked me back in just to make me MISERABLE. So, in case you are in the same boat as I am, I'll just be over here, making my own little supercorp endgame universe and pretending canon doesn't matter (bc it doesn't). Even though I'm pretty sure I peaked in my fic career already. Whatever.
> 
> As I said in the summary, as this story updates, I will also be slowly compiling a playlist with one or two songs designated to each chapter. SURPRISE, if the title wasn't hint enough, this playlist will be entirely TSwift. Because supercorp endgame is as inevitable and hype worthy as Taylor getting her music rights back IMO. 
> 
> If you enjoy the story, kudos and comments are a great way to motivate my needy little soul to update as much as possible. And also I love hearing from you guys regardless. For progress updates, or to just chat, or yell at me, ya know, whichever, you can find me on tumblr @ url schatzietess. This fic will be tagged as "supercorp amnesia au", as well as this and all my other current works being under the tag "fic talk". 
> 
> I'm Tess, and I hope you have a great week! <3


	2. Nice To Meet You! I'm Your Wife.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "It isn't love, it isn't hate, it's just...indifference."
> 
> TSwift playlist songs for this chapter:  
I Forgot That You Existed (obvy)  
Forever and Always

The doctor was speaking to Kara directly. She knew she should be listening to her. And she was. But she couldn’t look at her, at Lena, or at anything but her own hands. 

“I know this might seem like something out of a television show, but amnesia is a real possibility for cases with brain damage like what we have seen in Mrs. Luthor.” 

“Luthor-Danvers,” Kara whispered. “It’s Luthor-Danvers.”

“Right. Of course. I apologize. Now, as I have explained, it is possible for Lena to regain her memories. And it is possible that they may never return. There is no way to know for sure. For now, we can just make Mrs...Well, Lena, as comfortable as we can in her home environment and hope for the best.” 

“Hope for the best?” Kara asked, a rage rising in her chest like she hadn’t felt since she was infected with red kryptonite. “Hope for the best. Seriously? My  _ wife _ doesn’t know who I  _ am _ , and you’re telling me to hope for the best? Are you kidding me?” 

“I’m sorry, Kara. But the human brain in a fragile thing. After considering the damage that was inflicted on Lena, she’s lucky to be alive. I know this must be difficult for you. But all we can do is take it one day at a time. Her memory may very well come back from even the smallest trigger of familiarity.” 

Kara let out a shuddering sigh. This wasn’t real. It couldn’t be. And yet it was. Her soulmate had no idea who she was. And the only advice she was being given was to “take it one day at a time”. 

Kara looked up, and could see from her vantage point in the hallway opposite the door to Lena’s hospital room that Lena was staring right at her and the doctor. Kara wondered how much of the conversation she had heard, and if it made things any better or worse if she had. 

Placing her thumb and pointer finger to her temple in an attempt to soothe her growing headache, Kara merely nodded at the doctor, painting on a smile because she knew this wasn’t her fault. The doctor gave Kara a consoling pat on the shoulder and left to move on to the next patient, leaving Kara alone, holding her breath, and wondering what the hell she was supposed to do now. 

Ever since the accident Kara had thought of one thing and one thing only: and that was how tightly she was going to hug Lena when she finally awoke, how she would tell her she loved her until her voice went hoarse, how she would never let go of her again. But she couldn’t do any of that. Becuase as she took small, tentative steps back into Lena’s room, Lena looked at Kara as if she were a complete stranger. And it broke Kara’s heart. 

“So…” Lena began. Thankfully, because Kara had no idea what to say. “We’re married?” 

_ Please don’t cry, Kara. Please, please don’t cry. _

“Yes. I, um, I can run home and get our marriage certificate if you don’t...”

“No, no, I believe you,” Lena insisted with a half hearted smile. “I, um, I sort of took the liberty of checking online for myself. I got the impression that you and I are something of a power couple.” 

“Hah!” Kara laughed nervously. “That, well, I guess that’s one way of putting it.”

“Hmm,” Lena mused, looking Kara over in the same way she looked at budget reports or lab analytics. “I hope you don’t mind my saying that I’m, well,  _ surprised _ , to say the least.” 

“Yeah. It um...it sort of took us both by surprise when it um, ya know when we…” Kara made a few meaningless hand gestures. “Yeah.” 

Lena sighed, portraying a feeling of helplessness. She then winced a bit at all the new found aches and pains she was trying to navigate. “I don’t even know what to ask you.”

“I mean, maybe it would help if first I asked you what your most recent memory was? We can start from the beginning, I guess?” 

“Right, right,” Lena said with a decisive nod, and then paused, searching through the hazy fog of her own mind for some shred of familiarity. “Okay. Well...I don’t know, I mean, everything is pretty fuzzy. We’re in National City, correct?” 

Kara found her way to her chair, afraid that her knees would buckle beneath her if she stood any longer.

“Right.”

“Okay. So I...I moved here to run Luthor Corp after my brother...well, I don’t know exactly what he did, but I get the feeling it was particularly evil. After that...it’s pretty much a blur.”

Kara swallowed past the painful lump in her throat. Lena’s had forgotten everything she knew starting from the moment they met. Kara knew that this was an accident, that none of this was something Lena had chosen or done intentionally, but she couldn’t help but feel like Lena’s mind blocked out their life together for a reason. She couldn’t help but feel like this was a personal failure somehow. 

“We met shortly after that,” Kara supplied, feeling both her mind and body grow numb. “I, um, I’m a journalist. I wasn’t, um, at the time but, uh, anyway, I asked you for an interview when you first came to town. And you were...sharp, and quick witted, and not at all what I expected. And, I don’t know, something about you was like...you were someone I had known my whole life and at the same time, you were this new and surprising puzzle that I just  _ had _ to solve…” 

The reality of the situation began to sink in as Kara spoke. She realized that she would have to describe everything, their whole life together, to Lena as if she were telling a fairy tale. As of this moment, everything that had ever mattered to Kara was just a story being told by a stranger. 

“So,” Lena ventured. “Did we start dating after that?” 

Kara couldn’t help but laugh. What else was she supposed to do? 

“No, it...it was a bit more complicated than that. A  _ lot _ more complicated than that, actually. I know that-” Kara felt her lip begin to tremble despite all her best efforts to hide the storm within her. “I know that I should try to create some sort of cliff notes version of our life to give to you so that you could understand but I just...I don’t even know how. Look, I...I don’t…”

“Kara?” Lena asked softly. 

The way Lena said her name reminded Kara of that night.  _ That _ night. Lena had a split lip and tear stained cheeks, Kara was leaning against the railing of Lena’s office balcony, all the strength in her gone. Below them was a smoldering pile of wreckage, somewhere within it was the melted remnants of Lena’s AI memory core that contained every scrap of frustrated revenge Lena had carried with her in secret. Kara knew that sometimes people you love could hurt you, but she never could have imagined...

_“Is there any way back from this?” Lena had asked_ _“Or have you finally lost faith in me?”_

“Hmm?” the present Kara asked absently, pushing old memories aside.

“We don’t have to do this right now. I know this has to be as hard for you as it is for me. But…”

_ “Please don’t leave...” Lena had pleaded. Police choppers whizzed loudly from above. Sirens blared below. It was like the end of the world, the end of them… “Will you…” _

“Will you stay with me?” Lena asked. 

Kara let her face fall into her hands, hiding herself from everything. This was just too much. But she already knew her answer.

“Of course,” she said, and lifted her face to meet her wife’s eyes, hoping Lena couldn’t see them shimmering with tears. “Of course I’ll stay, Lena.”

*

“So she can’t remember  _ anything _ ?” Alex asked. 

Kara’s headache was nearly constant now. She knew what it was her own doing. Between the lack of sleep, constant refills of crappy coffee, and diet that consisted entirely of fried junk from the cafeteria and vending machine snacks, she was neglecting her health to a near dangerous degree. That and the fact that she was spending so much time cooped up that she wasn’t letting the sun recharge her as often as she should have.

Kara gripped her temples like she could force the headache away through strength alone. 

“Basically from the moment we met until now is completely gone.” 

“Kara,” Alex said in a consoling yet warning tone. 

“What?”

“You’ve got that look on your face that says that you’ve already found a way to make this your fault.”

“Well?” Kara asked incredulously. “What if it is? I mean, it seems a little too convenient, don’t you think? That  _ everything _ about us is gone? What if…”

“Kara, stop,” Alex scolded softly, taking Kara’s hands into her own. “Lena has amnesia becuase a drunk driver threw her car off the bay. Not because of something you have done or ever could do.”

“She’s right,” Kelly supplied. “Repression and memory loss due to brain damage are two completely different things. Her mind didn’t just decide to purge certain memories becuase it didn’t want them for one reason or another. This isn’t your fault, or hers.” 

Kara let out a shaky sigh.

“I know. I  _ know _ ,” she breathed. “I just can’t help but feel...it’s just not fair.” 

Alex nodded, not knowing what to say, and chose instead to pull Kara into a tight hug.

“What am I supposed to do?” Kara said, her voice squeaky and foreign to her. 

“I don’t know. But we’ll figure it out. Okay?” 

Kara nodded into Alex’s shoulder. But she didn’t believe her. 

“What about Supergirl? Does she remember her?” Kelly asked. 

Kara felt a little silly when the question sunk in. 

“I have no idea. I didn’t think to ask.”

“Supergirl was around before she moved to National City. She has to remember her. That’s something, isn’t it?” 

“Maybe. I don’t want to think about the idea of her knowing my alter ego and not me. Not right now.”

Alex nodded, understanding.

“Come on,” she said. “We’ll come in with you.”

“Thank you,” Kara whimpered, and pulled away from Alex, forcing herself to regain her composure. She didn’t want Lena to see just how wrecked she was. 

Kelly, ever the professional, walked into Lena’s room first, instinctively reaching for Lena’s chart and scanning it with a clinical eye. Lena looked like a feral cat, eyeing the new people in the room with a false casualness even though she was on high alert. 

“Lena, this is Alex,” Kara supplied.

“I’m your sister-in-law,” Alex said. “And the woman double checking the doctor’s analysis is my wife Kelly.” 

Lena nodded. Kara could tell there was no hint of familiarity.

“The rest of the gang was anxious to come see you,” Alex said. “But...I didn’t want to overwhelm you all at once.” 

“There’s a gang?” Lena asked curiously.

“Oh, uh,” Kara said. “Well, you know. Just the rest of our friends.” 

“Hmm,” Lena replied. “Strange. I was never the type to have a ‘gang’ of friends.” 

“Well Kara does have a habit of taking in friends like shelter pups. Can’t help herself. She just loves everyone,” Kelly supplied in a monotone voice as she continued to pour over the details of Lena’s chart.

“Ah, so they’re  _ your _ friends,” Lena stated a bit coldly to Kara. 

“They’re  _ both _ our friends, Lena. They’ve been worried sick about you. We all have.” 

“Right. Right, sorry,” Lena said, softening. She had been having small fits of frustration whenever she was supplied with information that didn’t fit into her view of what her life was like from what she last remembered. “Alex?” she asked.

“Yes?” 

“Are we the kind of sisters-in-law who gossip and go shopping together like close friends, or are we the kind who keep a respectful distance because we don’t always see eye to eye?” 

Alex blinked, blindsided by Lena’s bluntness. 

“I mean,” Alex struggled, “I love you becuase Kara loves you. But...I suppose there’s been a time or two that we have butted heads a bit.”

Lena narrowed her eyes at Alex for a moment, and then, surprisingly, smiled.

“Okay. Good. No offense, Kara, but you put a ridiculously positive spin on everything. I was starting to fear that I had turned into an entirely agreeable person. And that’s just not who I am.” 

“Oh yeah, those rose colored glasses of hers are permanently glued to her face.”

“Alex!” Kara scolded. 

  
“What? It’s true!” 

Lena chuckled in a way that suggested that she hadn’t meant for it to be heard. But it rippled out of her until Alex laughed too, and then Kara couldn’t help but laugh, too. 

“You about done, there, doc?” Alex asked Kelly. 

“Hmm? Oh, yeah. Sorry, I’m sort of in the profession of being nosey.” 

“Therapist?” Lena guessed. 

Kelly tilted her head at Lena.

“Did you remember that?” Kelly asked.

Kara willed herself not to be too hopeful.

“Probably just a good guess. Sorry,” Lena replied, her eyes flitting to meet Kara’s just for a moment. 

“That’s okay. Can I ask how your current memory retention is? Are you having any trouble remembering new information being given to you?” 

Lena shrugged. 

“Not that I know of. Wait, what was your name again?” 

The three other women in the room blinked silently.

“I-I know that it’s Kelly. That was supposed to be a joke,” Lena then said as she sunk into her pillows a bit. “Too soon?” 

“Maybe a bit,” Alex said to her quietly. 

*

The doctors had cleared Lena for discharge, and Kara knew that she should be excited, but all she felt was dread. It wasn’t so painfully obvious that they had no idea how to talk to each other under the circumstances when there were nurses and doctors and orderlies coming and going on a regular basis. But the thought of the two of them existing together in their apartment felt like a daunting task. There were half a million “what if’s” in Kara’s mind, and none of them were good “what if’s”. But she forced herself not to dwell on them, to just let herself be happy because her wife was alive and up and about and healthy enough to come home with her. 

“Kara?” Lena asked from behind the curtain pulled around her bed, bringing Kara’s mind back to the present. 

“Yes?” 

“Could you, uh...I’m having trouble getting this on” she said, sounding defeated. 

Tentatively, Kara slipped through the break in the curtains only to see Lena facing away from her with her T-shirt bunched up around her shoulders, her back exposed to Kara. Lena’s wrappings had been reduced down to an inch thick foam collar around her neck, a brace for her chest that clung to her like a binder, and a lace up wrist brace, but Lena was evidently having a fair bit of trouble getting around them on her own. Kara rushed to her wife’s aid, gripping the oversized shirt she had brought her from her own stash of PJ’s and pulling it down gently, careful not to bump any tender spots or touch Lena more than she was comfortable with. 

“Good?” Kara asked after she had gotten Lena sorted.

“Yeah,” Lena said, turning around to give Kara a meek smile. “Thanks.” 

“Of course.” 

Lena sighed, looking guilty.

“I know it’s silly for me to try and be modest around you, seeing as…”

“It’s fine, Lena.”

“It’s not. You’ve been really great to me and I don’t even...I wish I…”

“Lena,” Kara said, taking one of Lena’s hands and gripping it between her own. It was as much as she had really touched her since she had woken up. “It’s okay. Really. We’ve been through worse than this.  _ Trust _ me.” 

“What could possibly be worse than this?” Lena asked, and with a half smile, she pulled away from Kara and re-opened the curtain.

Lena moved to step into her slippers, and as she gripped the side of the bed for support, she looked up at the television screen and her face scrunched up. 

Kara looked up at the screen. The news was running an ever familiar story: Where has Supergirl Gone? They were playing old footage of her zipping around the city, preventing catastrophes, posing with fans, and the like. 

“Who, her? That’s...that’s Supergirl,” Kara said carefully.

“Another super? Since when?” 

“Since...you...you’ve never heard of Supergirl?”

“Well, no. Why, don’t tell me I’m her mortal enemy or something. Kara,  _ please _ don’t tell me I’m just as petty about powered people as my brother. I couldn’t handle the unoriginality of it all.” 

Back before Lena had even found out who Kara really was, back when their relationship was filled with lies and guilt and closets full of skeletons, Kara remembered feeling like there were walls put up between them, wall after wall, of her own design, keeping them apart. 

Kara could almost watch them being re-erected as she stared at Lena blankly.

“No,” Kara finally said. “Not enemies. You’re...well, we can talk about all that later, okay?” 

Lena seemed confused by Kara’s reluctance to talk about Supergirl, but thankfully she didn’t press the matter further.

“You ready to go?” Kara asked with as much enthusiasm as she could muster. 

“Yes,  _ please _ get me out of this hospital.” 

*

The familiar sound of the lock of their apartment door clicking open filled Kara’s ears, and she pushed the door open, flicking on the light switch so that Lena could see her way inside. Lena stepped in slowly, taking in the look of the place that was so seemingly foreign to her. 

Kara swallowed hard. She had only been here once or twice since the accident. Alex had come by at some point to tidy up a bit, or at least to clear away the dinner that had been waiting for Lena before everything went wrong. But there were still a few candles left on the table, the wax from them burning now hardened and stuck to the marble surface. 

Lena took a moment to look around at what she could see of the open floor plan containing the kitchen, dining room, and living room, fingers grazing over various surfaces indiscriminately. 

“It’s very...warm,” she finally said.

“Oh, uh, do you want me to turn the heat down?”

“No, no I mean-” Lena said with a smile, turning back to Kara. “I mean it’s cozy. Welcoming.” 

“Oh. Right,” Kara said, blushing slightly from her mistake. “I think it’s a good blend of both our styles. It took you forever to let me put even a  _ little _ bit of color into the decorating.” Kara smiled at a memory. “You got so frustrated with me about throw throw pillows one day, I swear you would have broken up with me right in the middle of that Ikea if you knew which way the exit was.” 

“God, getting lost in an Ikea is my nightmare.”

“I know. You were very clear about that,” Kara said with a laugh. 

“So, how long have we lived here?” 

“Uh…” Kara said, putting her bags down on the table with a dramatic thud. “Four years? Yeah. After the apartment fire...”

“Wait, what? What apartment fire?” 

“Oh, um…” 

_ I told you I loved you. You told me you hated me. The security system got hacked into by your AI when it thought you wanted to engage defensive maneuvers. A stray laser caught the rug on fire… _

“It’s a long story,” Kara said with a dismissive wave of her hand. “Do you, um, do you need anything?” 

Lena sunk down into the couch and slowly rotated her body towards Kara, still getting used to being unable to turn her head. 

“We don’t have any wine, do we?” 

“Um, of  _ course _ we do,” Kara said, and rushed to the kitchen, only using a bit of her super speed to pop the bottle that was sitting on the counter next to the fridge and bringing a glass over to Lena. 

Sure, Kara knew that Lena was on a couple medications, but she wasn’t going to deny her wife a glass of wine after all she had been through.

Lena took the glass in her un-injured hand, smiling at the feeling of the glass in her hand as she brought it to her nose. 

“Is this?” she began to ask as she inhaled slowly. 

“Beaujolais? Mmhmm.” 

“From...” 

“The 2011 from Morgon? Yup.” 

“Oh my  _ God _ ,” Lena hummed. “How did you know this was my favorite...oh. Right.” 

“It’s fine,” Kara said, for what felt like the fiftieth time that day, as she sat down on the recliner next to the couch, another purchase Kara had to advocate heavily for. She  _ loved _ this chair. “We ordered a case of it awhile back for special occasions. I already had the bottle sitting out for...”

Kara cut herself off.

“For what?” Lena pressed gently.

“Nothing. It’s nothing. Don’t worry about it,” Kara said with a forced smile.

“How long are you going to keep doing that?” Lena asked as she took a sip from her glass. 

“Doing what?” 

“Pretending you’re not upset when you are? Withholding certain details about our life that you don’t think I’m ready to hear?” 

“I’m-”

“It’s not fair, is all I’m saying. It’s not fair to me that you already know everything about me but are hiding so much about yourself and about us. And it’s not fair to  _ you _ that you are keeping so much bottled up when you’re probably used to being able to talk to me about whatever is on your mind.” 

This all felt too painfully familiar.

“How  _ can _ I talk to you?” Kara said, far too much bubbling up in her at once. “You don’t know who I am! You may never remember anything about me, or about us! And I don’t know what to do about that!” Kara let out a slow, calming breath. “So let’s just not worry about it tonight, okay? It’s late, and we should both get some rest.”

Lena sighed into her wine glass, drained the remaining contents, and set the empty glass down onto the end table next to her. 

“You’re right. But can you just tell me the truth about one thing?” 

“Sure.” 

Lena tilted her head, considering Kara with kind but troubled eyes. 

“Did I make you happy?” she asked.

Kara felt her breath catch in the back of her throat.

“What?” she asked.

“Being with me? Did it make you happy?” 

Lena looked at her so seriously, as if she genuinely expected Kara to say no. 

“Of course you do, Lena. More so than I ever thought possible. Why do you ask?” 

Lena shrugged, the smallest of smiles pulling at her lips. 

“I guess I just wanted to hear you say it for me to believe it. From what I remember about my life, I was never all that good at making people happy. Not for long, at least.” 

“Well, that’s just not true. Now come on, you need some sleep.”

Lena shook her head at Kara as she reached a hand out to Lena to help her up off the couch. 

“You don’t think I’ve done enough sleeping lately?” 

“Not funny,” Kara said. 

Kara showed Lena to their room, and she could see the relief on Lena’s face when she settled into her far bigger, far more comfortable bed. And then she made a realization that she probably should have thought of earlier. 

“Anyhow, um, goodnight,” Kara said, turning to leave the bedroom.

“Oh. You don’t sleep in here?” Lena asked. 

“Well, I mean,  _ normally _ , yeah. But I don’t expect you to be comfortable sharing a bed with someone you don’t really know.”

“But, Kara, I don’t want you to feel unwelcome in your own…”

“Lena,” Kara interrupted, leaning against the doorframe of their room. “There’s three other bedrooms for me to choose from in this apartment. It’s fine. Really. Just get some rest. I’ll see you in the morning, okay?” 

Lena bit her bottom lip, looking self conscious. 

“Okay. Thank you, Kara.” 

“Of course,” she said, biting her tongue as the typical  _ “I love you”  _ they usually said to each other at the end of the night threatened to spill out. 

*

Finally settled in the larger guest bedroom, Kara let her chest shudder with emotion a couple of times before she took out her phone and called her sister.

_ “Hey. Kara, how’s it going over there?”  _

“I don’t know how I’m going to do this, Alex,” Kara confided softly. 

_ “You will get through this because you have to. It’s Lena, after all.” _

“Yeah...yeah. It’s Lena. Just...having her here is better than not having her at all.” Kara sighed heavily. “I’m sleeping in the guest room, Alex.”

_ “Yikes. I mean, it makes sense, but...damn.” _

“Yeah. I know. The whole repressed sexual tension thing? I didn’t miss this. Like, at  _ all _ .”

_ “Hmm...gross,”  _ Alex joked.  _ “But I get what you’re saying. And, you know, there’s a good chance her memory will come back. And when it does this whole thing will just seem like a bad dream. Okay?” _

“I guess. Oh, and Alex?”

_ “Hmm?”  _

“She doesn’t remember Supergirl, either.”

_ “Really?” _

“Nope.”

_ “Did you...did you tell her?” _

Kara paused.

_ “Kara,”  _ Alex groaned.  _ “Not again.”  _

“I will tell her! But that’s not something you mention within five minutes of your wife waking up with amnesia! Although,  _ honestly _ , I have to say the idea of her forgetting all of that...mess that we made four years ago...it’s-”

_ “Kara, don’t even say it,” _ Alex scolded.

“What? I just can’t help but think it would be  _ nice _ if we could just exist as a couple without that sort of, you know, dark cloud of our past looming over things.”

_ “Kara, good or bad, you and Lena’s past is a part of your story. You can’t just erase it. Okay?” _

“Yeah, okay,” Kara said, sounding like a child in trouble. “Talk to you tomorrow, okay?” 

Alex told Kara she loved her, and hung up. Kara was then left alone with nothing but her thoughts. And the more she thought about it, the more she thought that Alex might be wrong. After all, their story, the first draft of it, at least, had already been erased to one of them, at least...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> <3  
tumblr: schatzietess  
fic tag: supercorp amnesia au
> 
> comments and kudos are much loved and appreciated! 
> 
> Have a great day!  
-Tess


	3. I'll Woo the Crap Out of Her!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Say that you remember..."
> 
> Playlist:  
September (yes I can use a cover as a playlist song if it invokes feels. And is also my fave song ever regardless)

Kara spent the night in a fog of insomnia, the kind that left you unsure of you had slept at all, or if you had been in a sort of half waking dream the whole night. 

A buzzing from her phone finally forced Kara to call it quits in her pursuit of rest, and she rolled over with a dissatisfied grunt to see who insisted on calling her so early in the morning. 

It was a number she recognized from within L-Corp. Of  _ course _ it was. Shaking her head, Kara sat up and tapped the screen to answer the call, bracing for the worst. 

“Yeah?” she said brusquely, too tired to put on a tone of fake cordiality. 

“Mrs. Danvers, good morning,” a familiar board member’s voice answered. Kara honestly couldn’t remember his name, just his nasally tone, his shiny bald head, and his clammy hands that offered unsettlingly limp handshakes. 

“Luthor-Danvers,” Kara corrected. 

“Right, of course,” he muttered, clearly not really hearing her. “So, how’s our girl?” 

Kara rolled her eyes, and pulled herself out of bed, eyes barely open as she bumbled her way down the hallway and towards the bathroom. Unfortunately, invasive calls from L-Corp board members were routine to Kara now. 

“You know that I haven’t even had the chance to speak to her family and close friends yet, right?” 

“To be fair, as far as family is concerned, visitation to the NC prison aren’t until Thursday, right?” he said, a bad attempt at humor.

Kara didn’t respond.

“Right, right. Not that funny,” he deferred. “Anyway! It’s just that...you know, the stockholders are concerned...”

Kara rounded the corner of the hallway and towards the bathroom door, which was shut, though Kara didn’t think much on it. Nor did she really think much on the fact that there was the soft sound of water running within. 

“If you mention stockholders one more time while my wife is recovering from a nearly fatal car wreck,” she interrupted as she opened the bathroom door, “I will come down to that office myself and-”

“Kara!” Lena shouted as she was, as Kara could now see, completely naked and just about to step into the shower. 

“Oh geez!” Kara squealed, and shut the door hurriedly. “Sorry, Lena! I-I wasn’t thinking!” she said through the door.

Normally, one wife walking into the bathroom while the other was showering was no big deal. It was a welcome surprise, even. There had been more than a few times that Kara had gone into the bathroom to fix her makeup or her tame the wind-blown out of her hair just for Lena to grab her and drag her into the shower with her. 

But the rules were different now. 

“It’s okay,” Lena replied, the flustered tone in her voice muffled through the door. “I’m-wait, who were you yelling at on the phone?” 

“Oh, um,” Kara had almost forgotten about the impatient board member on the other line. She couldn’t think of a good lie to tell in time to spare her the worry, so she resigned to tell the truth. “It’s a board member from L-Corp asking about you. I told him it’s too soon to…”

The door creaked open, and Lena, now wrapped in a towel, poked her head out of it. Her hair was loose around her shoulders, the shaved part looking more and more like a chic fashion choice and less like the aftermath of life-saving brain surgery. Kara thought she looked irresistibly cute, and couldn’t help but yearn, wishing she could touch her.

“Mute that,” Lena said, pointing to Kara’s phone, and Kara obliged as she shook herself out of her trance. “What do they know?” 

“What do you mean?” Kara asked.

“I mean, do they know I’m awake?”

“Well, yeah.”

“Do they know about…” Lena tapped the top of her head lightly. “The amnesia thing?”

“Oh! No, I haven’t told anyone yet. You know, besides Alex and Kelly.” 

“Okay,” Lena said, face scrunched up in thought. “May I?” she said, gesturing to Kara’s phone.

Kara handed Lena her phone, and she unmuted it, bringing to her ear and leaning against the open doorframe. It no longer seemed to bother Lena as much that Kara was so near to her while she was wrapped in nothing but a towel that was barely long enough to cover her ass. Kara tried not to get too hopeful about that, and she also tried not to stare too much at the slowly healing bruises on her neck and chest she hadn’t seen while Lena was wearing the brace. 

She had really gotten close to losing her, hadn’t she? 

“And which of the blood suckers do I have the pleasure of speaking with?” Lena spat into the phone.

Kara’s eyes went wide. 

Lena’s eyebrows furrowed. She looked to Kara and mouthed “Adams?” Kara shrugged, and Lena responded in kind. She clearly had no recollection of the name. But she had no intention of letting him know that. 

“Right. Why am I not surprised? Now listen, Adams. I will be back at the office when I am good and ready. And when that happens I’m sure you will all wish I was still in the hospital becuase I will be putting every decision you have made in my absence under a  _ microscope _ . And if I find out that any of you have been toying with  _ my _ company, I will not hesitate to clean house. Do you understand?” She paused, smiling as she seemed to be getting the reaction she was looking for. “Excellent. Oh, and one more thing? Stop pestering my wife.” 

Lena swiftly hung up, and handed the phone back to Kara, whose jaw was likely still hanging open. 

“So...we’re not telling anyone about the amnesia?” she managed to say. 

“God, no,” Lena said simply. “I may have no memory of my time as the L-Corp CEO, but I’ll be damned if one of those vultures tries to take the company from me. And if this memory problem gets out, I won’t have a leg to stand on. So, I guess we’ll just have to hide it for now, and hope my memory comes back soon. Is that...okay with you?” 

Kara bit her lower lip. She and Lena both knew that there was a real possibility that her memories would never come back. But neither of them seemed keen on bringing up that fact. 

“Sure, Lena. Whatever you want.”

Lena nodded, giving Kara a half smile. 

“Thank you, Kara. Now, um, I’m gonna…” Lena gestured towards the shower.

“Right! Sorry, yeah. I’ll just...yeah.” 

Lena shut the door, leaving Kara alone in the hallway. Kara exhaled slowly through pursed lips as she collected herself. 

This was getting way too complicated. 

*

“So you’re telling me there’s nothing we can do?” Kara said exasperatedly, hands trembling from anxiety and caffeine jitters. She had arrived at the coffee shop a full hour before she had asked the gang to meet her, needing some time to herself to think. She had thought her way through three cold brews already.

“Kara,” Nia consoled. “I think you’re looking for a quick miracle fix. And that just doesn’t exist.”

“Doesn’t it? J’onn, you wiped Alex’s mind before. Can’t you, I dunno, un-wipe Lena’s?” 

“Not unless you want to risk me accidentally erasing all of her memories,” J’onn said solemnly. “Memory retrieval is a delicate process, Kara, even for someone who hasn’t just experienced a traumatic brain injury. The risk is too high.”

“Well...Kelly? What about when you helped J’onn retrieve his lost memories?” 

“That was different. Those memories were pushed aside by design, not by accident. This is...messier. Besides, all Obsidian tech was destroyed after, well, you know. And the only person who could recreate it has no recollection of it even existing.”

“Ugh!” Kara exclaimed, “You guys are not helping!”

“Kara, don’t bite their heads off, it’s not their fault,” Alex scolded in her usual sisterly manner.

“I  _ know _ ,” Kara groaned, burying her face in her hands as she collected herself. “I know, okay? I’m sorry. You guys just...you have no idea how hard this is.” 

“Have you tried sodoku?” Brainy piped up. He was met with very confused glances. “I have heard that it’s good for memory.” 

Nia gave him a reassuring pat on the back when he seemed to silently realize that he wasn’t really helping. 

“We could try hypnosis,” Kelly suggested. “Sometimes that helps people discover lost memories.”

“I could help with that,” Nia supplied.

“Yes!” Kara exclaimed. “That! Let’s do that! Can we do that right now?” 

“Kara,” Alex said softly. “Lena just got home. Don’t you think you should give her some time before you start troubleshooting with her brain?”

Kara rolled her eyes, aware that she was being impatient but not wanting to admit it. 

“I guess,” she said, leaning back in her chair in defeat. “It just sucks. I really missed her. And now that she’s back, I can’t even...there’s just...a lot of  _ stuff _ building up in here, okay?” she said, gesturing from her head to her heart dramatically. 

“You know, maybe you’re looking at this the wrong way,” Nia said.

“What do you mean?”

“I mean, you’re so busy thinking about what you lost, that you aren’t able to see what you may have gained.”

“Which is?”

“Look. Lena is, as far as she is concerned, just getting to know you. And she has yet to push you away, so we have to assume that she doesn’t hate the idea of you two being together.”

“Well I should  _ hope _ not, Nia! We’re married!”

“Not in her mind you’re not! But think about what that means, Kara. You have a really rare opportunity here to  _ date _ your wife. To do the whole thing over. Feel all those firsts again. You’d get another first date, first kiss, first like really  _ good _ kiss, first…”

“Okay, okay, we get it,” Alex interrupted before Nia could say anything more suggestive. 

“Huh,” Kara said, thrumming her fingers against the table as she considered the idea. 

“She has a point, though Kara,” Alex continued. “We don’t know if or when Lena’s memory will return. And if it doesn’t, God forbid, then you two will have to rebuild your relationship together. If you were her, would you just go along with waking up with a wife one day, or would you want to be reminded of why you two fell in love in the first place?” 

“Honestly?” Kelly interjected. “Getting the chance to get your wife to fall in love with you all over again? That sounds pretty romantic. And don’t we all miss the excitement of when our relationships were brand new?” 

“Excuse you!” Alex said, feigning offense.

“Alex, yesterday you started clipping your toenails in the living room.”

“So?”   
  


“So one of them hit me in the face!” 

The group shared a chuckle at Alex’s expense, but Kara didn’t join them. She was too busy thinking. 

It was true, there was no guarantee that Lena would get her memories of Kara back. And really, Nia had a good point. Kara  _ could _ get Lena to fall for her. She had done it once before.

And this time, she could do it better than the first time around.

“You guys are right,” Kara said resolutely. “I’ll just have to...woo Lena. I’ll woo the  _ crap _ out of her.” 

Alex cleared her throat. 

“Aren’t we conveniently forgetting something we have to discuss?”

“What?” 

“How you haven’t told her you’re,” she glanced around to make sure no one was in earshot, “Supergirl?”

“Oh,” Kara replied reluctantly. “Well. I mean,  _ technically _ , yeah, I haven’t.”

The group collectively groaned. 

“Not  _ again _ ,” Nia said with more judgement than she usually allowed herself to show.

“What? That is a lot of information to process all at once!” Kara defended. “I’ll...I’ll tell her soon. I’ll just have to work my way up to it is all.”

“The last time you said that…” J’onn warned.

“Hush. This is different.” She was met with unconvinced glances. “What? It is! Just, no one tell her until I do. Please?” 

“Fine,” Alex said with a shake of her head. “But I’m gonna refresh the DEO on State of Emergency protocols just in case.”

Kara’s face deadpanned.

“That’s not funny.”

“It wasn’t supposed to be!” Alex insisted.

“So when can we see her?” Brainy asked, changing the subject.

“Mm, hopefully this weekend. I mentioned having you guys over for a little while to reconnect, but she’s kind of touchy about seeing people right now. I think she doesn’t like anyone seeing her look fragile.”

“Except for you,” Kelly added. “That’s a good sign, right?”

*

Despite Alex’s irritation with her sister’s secret keeping, Kara had a spring in her step as she walked towards her apartment door. She blamed it on her newfound optimism, and not the obscene amount of caffeine in her system. There was half a plan forming in her mind of how she was going to get Lena to fall for her. If she played her cards right, Lena might even let Kara  _ hug _ her soon. It was gonna be  _ awesome _ . 

However, when Kara let herself into their apartment, her mood dropped immediately. The first thing she saw was Lena sitting at the kitchen island counter, hunched over her laptop screen, her chest heaving like it did when she was on the brink of a panic attack.

“Lena?” Kara called out, voice full of worry, and crossed the entryway to the table in two or three strides. 

Lena didn’t turn to acknowledge Kara, she only continued to stare at the screen. Kara approached Lena gently, a million possibilities racing through her mind as she pulled the laptop screen towards her to see what Lena was looking at. 

It was a news article published about a day after the accident. Kara remembered it vividly becuase she had spent two days yelling at the paper’s editor to have him take down the gruesome photos of the wreck and of Lena’s limp body as it was just barely visible behind the closing doors of an ambulance. Her efforts had apparently been ineffective, becuase the pictures were still up. 

“Lena, what are you looking at those for?” Kara said softly, turning the screen away from her and closing the laptop.

“Morbid curiosity, I guess? I thought I could handle…”

“Those pictures should have never been put up. I’ll call the lawyers about first thing tomorrow. Okay?”

Lena didn’t seem to have heard her. Her eyes were somewhere else, somewhere far away.

“You know,” she said, “when you’re not mentally present for your own near-death experience, you think ‘it couldn’t have been all that bad, right?’. But this is…” Lena shook her head, barely able to steady her breathing. 

“Hey, hey,” Kara said, taking Lena’s shaking hands in her own and moving to sit in the chair next to her so they could face one another. “Look at me, Lena. Okay? You are the toughest person I know. You’ve have faced so much that would have taken anyone else down, and you got right back up, stronger than ever. You can get past this. Okay?” 

Lena squeezed Kara’s hands just slightly. 

“I can’t imagine,” she said, “how hard it was for you to see someone you care for...like that...” 

Kara blinked, forcing away the threat of memories that would just make her come apart.

“I try not to think about it,” Kara said. “It helps that I don’t look at any of that stuff. Look, Lena, I know you might be tempted to find the answers you’re looking for this way,” she said, gesturing to the computer. “But I don’t think it’s a good idea. All you’re going to find is tabloid spins and half truths and sensationalized nonsense. Reporters have never been a friend to you, you know that.”

“Aren’t you a reporter?” Lena asked with a smirk, eyes glancing down at their still joined hands.

“Well, yeah, but that’s…” Kara let out a flustered laugh. “That’s different. You were never just a story for me. You were…” she sighed. “Just promise me you won’t go down the Google rabbit hole, okay?” 

Lena’s face softened.

“Alright. You’re right. I know you are. I just couldn’t help myself. It’s frustrating to have such a gaping hole in your life like this. I just want it filled.” 

“I know. But let’s not worry about that right now, okay?  _ Because,”  _ she said in her dramatic tone, pulling her hands away from Lena’s. “I have plans for you.” 

Lena gave Kara a skeptical look.

“What plans?” she said cautiously.

“Don’t worry!” Kara said as she got up. “I know you don’t want to be out and about quite yet. But that doesn’t mean I’m not going to find some way to celebrate your homecoming. So. I’m gonna go get a few things, you be ready in an hour, okay?” 

“Ready for what, Kara?” Lena pressed.

But Kara was already halfway out the door. 

“It’s a surprise!” she insisted, and shut the apartment door behind her, taking off into flight through the open window of the hallway and hoping Lena wouldn’t look at any more news stories about herself while she was gone.

There was a slight chance that Kara was kicking off her “Woo My Wife” plan as soon as possible to distract the both of them from the situation at hand. 

*

“Just a couple more steps, okay? You’re not feeling woozy or anything?”

“Kara, I’m fine. Why are we going up to the roof?” 

“You’ll see, come on!” 

Kara pushed open the heavy metal door at the top of the stairwell and held it open to let Lena walk out onto the roof. The sun was just starting to set and it was going to be a perfectly warm and clear evening. Lena’s eyes searched the roof curiously until they landed on what Kara had prepared for them. 

Just to the right of the door was a large white sheet held in place in front of a tall vent with some clothespins and twinkle lights. Facing it was a couch she had “borrowed” from the CatCo lobby (she would give it back in the morning, promise). Sitting on the couch was a big bowl of popcorn, a few boxes of takeout, and a large thermos of hot chocolate. And behind the couch was a projector. 

Lena stared at the setup for a moment, silent. 

“Better than a movie theater, right?” Kara asked expectantly. 

“Wh-How did you get a couch up here?” Lena finally said with a tone of bewilderment. 

Kara shrugged innocently. 

“I have my ways. Do you, um, do you like it?” 

Lena turned back to look at Kara with a glint in her eye and a small smile on her lips that made Kara’s heart ache. 

“It’s perfect.” 

“Okay,” Kara said with a relieved exhale. “Good. Sit, please.” 

“Can I ask how you managed to do all this in an hour?” Lena asked.

“Oh, too much caffeine, I guess,” Kara said offhandedly. 

She made her way to the projector, aware of the fact that Lena was watching her carefully. It made her heart flutter and also struck up a pang of guilt at knowing that she wasn’t telling her the whole truth. There just...hadn’t been a good way to tell her about the whole Supergirl thing yet.

Kara shook her head at herself as she pushed random buttons on the projector until she figured out how to get it running. Why was she doing this to them  _ again _ ? Why was her knee jerk instinct to hide things from Lena? 

A picture started to appear on the sheet across from the projector, fuzzy at first until Kara dialed in the settings, revealing a purposefully old looking and black and white menu screen with eerie music playing. Proud of herself for not breaking the thing, Kara grabbed the remote and moved to sit on the couch with a triumphant plop. 

“Dracula?” Lena asked with an arched eyebrow cast in Kara’s direction.

“Yup,” she said, reaching for the hot chocolate.

“The original one? You know this is my…”

“Favorite movie? Yep. Your love of old movies is only second to your love of all things macabre.  _ Technically _ this is your second favorite movie. Nosferatu is your favorite, because you really like Murnau. But I’m sorry, Lena, I love you, but I  _ hate _ that creepy movie.” 

Kara’s mind tripped on the words she had just realized she had said. It shouldn’t feel so weird for her to tell her wife she loved her, and yet the tension from it hung over them palpably. 

Lena stared at Kara until it started to feel uncomfortable. Kara filled the sudden silence by shoving a mouthful of popcorn into her mouth. 

“Ugh, this is so  _ weird _ ,” Lena finally said in an exasperated tone. 

Oh no, Kara had screwed it up, hadn’t she?

“What’s weird?” Kara mumbled through a mouthful, all but squirming under a wave of self consciousness. 

“I just…” Lena said after a long sigh. “The last thing I can remember is being single and planning on staying that way for as long as possible. And then suddenly I wake up with a  _ wife _ who knows literally everything about me. And you’re so...considerate and doing all these nice things to try and make me feel better. And it seems like the right thing to do would be to just be  _ happy _ about this. But the fact is that I just don’t  _ know _ you, so I have no idea how to handle this or what to do around you. And I feel terrible for that. If only...” 

“Lena?” Kara interrupted. 

Kara putting a consoling hand of Lena’s shoulder seemed to pull her out of her verbal spiral.

“Yeah?” she asked.

“You’re worrying about this too much.” 

Lena let out a loud exhale as if her lungs had been bursting with all of her inner conflict.

“Really?” 

“Really,” Kara insisted. “The last thing I want is for you to feel guilty. Quite frankly I am sick to death of hearing you apologize for having completely understandable feelings and reactions to such an impossible situation. So please, Lena, stop worrying about what you think you should be doing. Can we just  _ relax _ , watch this really weird movie, and eat junk food together? That’s all I want from you right now. Okay?” 

To emphasize her point, Kara pulled out one of the takeout boxes and thrust it towards Lena, who took it with a sheepish smile. Kara started up the movie.

“It doesn’t help that you got my favorite kind of sushi,” Lena said quietly. 

“Hey. You have amnesia. Not me,” Kara said, which elicited an honest to God  _ laugh _ from Lena, something Kara had almost forgotten the sound of. 

They ate in silence for awhile after that. Kara tried not to shovel ungodly amounts of food into her mouth like she normally would, but Lena’s occasional sideways glances hinted that she was failing to hide her endless hunger. 

“Is this something we’ve done before?” Lena suddenly asked. 

Kara swallowed through a large mouthful of potstickers so that she could answer. 

“Which part?” 

“The rooftop movie night part?” 

“Oh. Um…”

Kara was, in all honesty, recreating a very specific memory. There was a duality to her plan, after all. She wasn’t just trying to get Lena to fall back in love with her, but she was also taking her through some of what she considered to be the highlights of their relationship. You know, just in case it might spark something. 

“We have, actually. A few times over the years. The first time, though, was when we had just started dating.”

“Was it our first date?” Lena asked, turning fully towards Kara and forgetting all about the film they were watching.

Kara let out an involuntary chuckle at the sudden rush of memory. Of all those firsts. 

“No. Our first date was when you bought out a whole restaurant for the evening becuase you thought it would be romantic to have the place to ourselves. But it ended up being  _ way _ too quiet, especially because we were so nervous that we didn’t know what to say to each other. And then our second date, well…”

_ I flew you to at least five different cities in one night trying to show you all your favorite places and get you all your favorite things. But then you got flight sick from all the rushing around and threw up somewhere over the Pacific Ocean… _

“I really wanted to impress you too, but it didn’t go that well, either. So we decided we were trying entirely too hard to make things perfect, and just settled on a simple movie night. But...I still had to give it the rooftop spin, you know, because we had done half a million movie nights as friends, and I just wanted it to feel, I dunno,  _ special _ .”

Lena smiled behind her mug of hot chocolate. 

Yes, technically they had wine that first time on the roof, so this wasn’t an entirely accurate recreation. But Lena’s doctor had been a bit scolding on the phone about the whole “no more alcohol until she’s off her medication” rule, so hot chocolate would have to do. 

“How long had we been friends before we started dating?” Lena asked. 

“Uh, four years, actually.”

Lena’s eyes went wide.

“Really?” she asked, biting her lower lip like she did when she was thinking through something, but she was still staring into Kara’s eyes as she did so, and it was enough to make Kara’s stomach flip. “So what changed? What made us go from friends to girlfriends?”

“I-” Kara shrugged helplessly as she tried to find the right words. “I don’t think anything changed. From the very beginning our friendship had been so much more...intense than any other relationship I had ever had. I just didn’t understand why. Or maybe I did, and I was afraid I was the only one that felt that way. I don’t know. There was always something getting in the way of us figuring it out. Even when it was just our own stubbornness. And then…”

Kara’s voice trailed off.

“What?” Lena pressed, voice breathier than it had been before. 

“We got in a fight,” Kara said reluctantly. “Like, a really big, really awful fight. And, weird as it may sound, that’s when everything suddenly made sense. We had hurt each other so badly that...there was no way we could be friends anymore. And yet somehow the realization that we couldn’t be together anymore made us realize that we couldn’t be without each other. And things just sort of...happened.” 

A silence fell over them, leaving Kara with a deep crimson blush in the wake of her deeply intimate confessions to someone who was hearing it all for the first time. 

“I don’t...I’m probably doing a terrible job of telling this story,” she started to ramble through nervous laughs.

“No,” Lena said. “It...it feels like you’re telling it exactly right.” 

Kara got a swell of hope at Lena’s words, but she didn’t let herself dwell on it. Tonight wasn’t supposed to be all about getting Lena to try and jolt her memory. It was about giving her something new to remember. 

“Do you ever wish it had gone differently?” Lena asked. 

Kara hesitated. It wasn’t a question she had ever thought to ask herself before. Or maybe it was a question she didn’t  _ let _ herself ask.

“I’m sorry,” Lena said, sensing Kara’s discomfort. “We don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to.”

“It’s okay. You know, at the end of the day, it brought us together. So, that made it worth it.” Kara cleared her throat. “Anyway, there are much better things for me to fill you in on about your life than all that negative stuff. So. What else do you want to know?” 

Lena tilted her head, considering Kara, deciding if she was going to let herself forget what Kara had just confessed to her or not. 

“Well first of all,” Lena began, “I want to know what you have against Nosferatu.”

“Lena!” Kara said with an exasperated laugh. “That movie is over a hundred years old!” 

“Exactly! It’s a classic.”

“It’s an antique. And a  _ weird _ one at that. There have been, like, a million vampire movies since then that you can pick from as your new favorite.”

“It’s not about the vampire thing, it’s about the ingenuity and creativity of the first filmmakers before they had any of the technology that we have now.” 

“Uh huh. Sure.”

“Fine, then. What’s your favorite movie?”

“Easy. Wonder Woman.”

Lena’s face scrunched up, as if Kara had said something in a foreign language.

“You know,” Kara clarified. “The one with Gal Gadot?”

Lena gave her the same confused look. Kara audibly gasped.

“Oh my  _ God _ , you don’t remember seeing Wonder Woman? That’s it, we’re watching it right now.”

“Wait, Kara, we just started watching this-”

“Not anymore! Wonder Woman is way more important. I’ll be right back!” 

Kara took off down the steps toward the apartment before Lena could further protest, leaving her alone on the roof with few new puzzle pieces of the picture of her and Kara’s life together.

*

Well after dark and over halfway into the film, Kara finally noticed that Lena had gone quiet. She looked over to see that Lena was struggling not to fall asleep. 

“Lena?” Kara asked softly.

Lena’s head jerked up as she forced herself awake.

“Huh? What?”

“Do you want to go to back downstairs?” 

“Oh, no, I’m-I’m fine.”

“Lena, you’re falling asleep.”

“I know.” Lena sighed. “I can’t help it. The medication makes me so groggy. But I really am having a good time. I am. Please, let’s stay up here a little while longer. It’s...really nice.” 

Lena’s eyes started to close on their own. Kara shook her head at her wife’s very on brand stubbornness. After shutting off the movie, Kara went over to Lena and gently pulled her off the couch.

“Come on,” she soothed.

Lena didn’t argue when Kara helped her off the couch. She leaned heavily into her as Kara led her towards the stairs, but soon Kara thought she might be too tired to even be able to manage the stairs with any kind of ease. Without thinking on it too much, she scooped Lena up and began a careful descent down the stairs and back towards their apartment. Lena leaned her head against Kara’s shoulder.

“My God, you’re strong,” Lena mumbled into Kara’s shirt. 

Kara shook her head amusedly.

“I know.”

“Is this something you do a lot? Carry me like this?” 

Kara licked her lips.

“Maybe,” she said quietly. 

“Hmm,” Lena mused, half asleep again. “It’s nice.” 

After a bit of juggling on Kara’s part, she managed to keep a firm grip on Lena while opening the apartment door, and guided her to the bedroom. Kara set Lena down in their bed and pulled the blanket over her, and Lena was asleep almost instantly. 

Kara couldn’t help but smile as she looked down at a content looking Lena. Yes, tonight had been a recreation of an old memory. And it had come with it’s hiccups. But it all felt exciting and new as well. 

How could her plan to make Lena fall for her again not work, when she was falling for Lena all the time? 

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am going to need you all to just accept that this story exists in a universe in which Supergirl and Wonder Woman are supposed to both reside but there is still a Wonder Woman movie. Just go with it, okay? 
> 
> Some shop talk, I need to go ahead an establish that I have really shot myself in the foot by attempting to write a canon-adjacent plot that relies heavily on flashbacks. Seeing as I am NOT omniscient, I am not able to know just what those flashbacks should contain. Cuz i dunno how fucked season five is gonna get, or how much it's gonna wound all of us! So based on when you're jumping into this story, just take all the flashbacks that are plot specific with a grain of salt, as i jump around canon like i'm in a minefield. Thx.
> 
> Anyhow, thank you guys so much for the great response to the first couple of chapters. I forgot how MASSIVE and SUPPORTIVE the supercorp fandom is, and I love all of y'all so very much for finding my work in the vast sea of really amazing writing that is out there. Besides subscribing to this story, you can find updates on my tumblr @ schatzietess, where this story will be tagged under "supercorp amnesia au". 
> 
> As always, kudos and comments are the fuel that keeps writers like myself going. Hope you enjoyed this chapter, and have a great rest of your week!!  
-Tess-


	4. There's Something You Need To Know

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Cuz I can't pretend it's okay when it's not. It's death by a thousand cuts." 
> 
> Playlist:  
All Too Well  
Death By A Thousand Cuts

Kara took a deep breath: in, and then slowly out. On the other side of the glass doors was a small hoard of reporters and a few photographers that chattered amongst themselves expectantly. Press statements had never bothered Kara before. She was either amongst them running a story for CatCo, or she was facing them as Supergirl. And most of the time Supergirl spoke to the press after some evil plot had been foiled, and they all wanted to hear about how she had, yet again, saved the day. 

That wasn’t always the case, of course. There were those few times when something had gone wrong. Terribly wrong. And Supergirl would have to face them nonetheless to try and find something to say to salvage the city’s trust in her. 

But even that didn’t bother her as much as this. Now, she had to speak on behalf of her wife. Lena was always  _ great _ at press conferences. Even when they, more often than not, got interrupted by some new threat to the city. But right now, Lena wouldn’t let herself be seen, and despite that the world needed to believe that everything was just fine. Which meant that Kara would have to lie. 

Maybe that was the problem. This was the beginning of what would potentially be a long parade of dishonesty, as Kara and Lena had to step back into the spotlight they had been avoiding, and convince the world that all was well. That Lena was of sound mind, and happy to be alive and home with her doting wife who she had missed so much. 

All was well. 

It had to be. 

“Kara?” the press coordinator said eagerly, hand already gripping the handle of the glass door that stood between Kara and the beginning of a long and exhausting charade. “Are you ready?” 

Kara nodded. The doors opened. The sound of cameras clicking filled her ears.

Let the show begin. 

*

_ “Mrs. Luthor-Danvers, how soon can we expect Lena to make a statement of her own?” _

_ “As you can imagine, she has plenty of business to attend to that has piled up in her absence. But as soon as Lena is able, she will make herself available for interview.”  _

_ “Does she have any comment about LCorp’s free fall in the stock market in lieu of any tangible leadership in the company?” _

_ “Lena didn’t choose to get in a car wreck. But her focus has been on getting both her professional and personal affairs back on track as soon as possible. We can only ask for patience and understanding of such a difficult situation at this time.”  _

_ “There have been rumors of a buy out of LCorp if Mrs. Luthor is unable to continue to fill the role of CEO. Do you have any comments?” _

_ “It’s Luthor-Danvers. And that is simply not an option.”  _

_ “What about Supergirl?”  _

Kara looked caught off guard, only for a second.

_ “What about her?” _

_ “You and Mrs. Luthor-Danvers both have relatively close ties to her. Do you know why she’s disappeared? When will she be back?”  _

Lena snapped her laptop shut, tossing it aside on the bed. She had watched and rewatched Kara’s statement to the press three times already. She didn’t know if it was because she was so impressed with Kara’s performance, or so frustrated by her own inability to have handled it herself. 

Her eyes scanned the bedroom slowly. She noticed, not for the first time, just how many pictures of the two of them there were. On nightstands, atop dressers, hanging from the walls. They were  _ everywhere _ . 

Lena picked up the picture on her immediate left. The silver frame was heavy in her hand and slightly tarnished around the edges. In it, Kara’s big curls were tamed to one side of her face, adorned with a diamond necklace and matching earrings Lena recognized as items from her family’s heirloom collection. Her dress was an eggshell white, with tulle under thin, delicate lace that shone with just the right amount of studded gems,had an open back that exposed down to the small of her back, and a deep sweetheart neckline. She was facing away from the camera, small smile on her red lips, body turned into Lena’s. Kara’s eyes were on her own hands that gripped the lapel of Lena’s custom off white Dolce & Gabbana tux. Lena’s lips rested softly against Kara’s forehead, eyes closed, hands in her pockets. 

The picture, obviously from their wedding day, had been one that Lena found herself staring at often. To say that Kara and Lena looked happy in this picture wouldn’t do it enough justice. “Happy” was the theme in the pictures of them on vacations, in family pictures on holidays, or posing together at galas and private clubs, or hell, even dive bars with their friends.

This was not just happy. It transcended that. It was fulfillment. It was still, quiet contentment. It was the embodiment of every poem about love Lena had ever read and privately cherished in school. Not the ones that sounded desperate and heady and overwhelming. Not the ones that referred to love as pain, as all consuming, or as infectious and uncontrollable. But the ones that found reminders of love in a gentle breeze, in quiet wooded pathways, and in bright moonlight shining through vaulted windows. 

And it didn’t spark anything in Lena’s mind. Nothing at all. 

Lena put the picture back on the nightstand with a defeated sigh. Would it be too on brand with her usual brooding to think that it was fitting that she had forgotten the only time in her life that she had ever truly been happy?

Perhaps not quite as on brand as Lena being so hesitant to let Kara get close to her now. 

But what was she supposed to do? Hop right into bed with someone who was a complete stranger to her? 

A stranger who was currently spending her time putting out the fires in Lena’s professional life while Lena was hesitant to even be seen outside the apartment. 

Lena heard the apartment door creaked open quietly and felt her hands tense in anticipation. She heard Kara walk into the apartment and sigh heavily. Then she heard quiet footsteps pad their way to the bedroom door, and then Kara knocked gently. 

“Hi,” Kara said softly through the door.

“Hey,” Lena replied, sitting up straighter in the bed. “Come on in.” 

The door creaked open. Kara entered wordlessly, sitting on the edge of the bed in a rigid way that suggested that she was still holding onto a lot of tension from earlier. 

“I saw the press release,” Lena said. “You handled those vultures wonderfully.” 

Kara shrugged, looking down at her fingernails. 

“I learned from the best,” she replied with a meek smile, glancing at Lena for just a second before returning her focus back down to her hands. “I knew it was going to be bad. But I just don’t understand how people can be so callous. You almost  _ died _ . And all they care about is their corporate...crap.” 

“All a part of the game, unfortunately. But...you know, it really shouldn’t be something I keep putting on your shoulders.”

“No, no, it’s fine.” 

“Kara,” Lena insisted, the gentle tone of her voice causing Kara to finally look Lena in the eyes. “If I was able to drink I would turn all of your ‘it’s fine’s” into a drinking game.”

Kara’s chest heaved and fell in a silent laugh.

“You would end up on the floor.” 

“Yeah. I  _ know _ . Listen, I still have some semblance of a secretary and a media consultant on the payroll, right?”

Kara nodded. 

“Okay, so? What are you doing throwing yourself to the sharks all the time when they can handle the media and the board members for you?” 

“Maybe because…” Kara began. “I kind of got a reputation for biting the heads off of anyone who tried coming around with business concerns while you were in the hospital? And now your secretary is afraid to even call?” 

Lena tilted her head at Kara. Defensive and intimidating was usually her signature.

“Well, I am out of the hospital now. And I should start the transition process back into my position sooner rather than later. So. Don’t worry about covering for me anymore, okay? It’s unfair to you how much has been put on your shoulders.”

Kara shrugged again.

“I didn’t mind it, really. It made me feel useful, I guess. It was...it’s frustrating when someone you care about is going through something like that, and there’s nothing you can do to make it better. Even now it’s-” Kara’s head tilted up, eyes finding the ceiling like they did, Lena was learning, when she didn’t want it to be so obvious that there were tears in her eyes. “It’s hard to not be able to do anything to...fix things.”

Lena felt an ever familiar pang of guilt in her stomach. It was hard for her, too, to not be able to fix this, to fix herself, for Kara’s sake. She didn’t know Kara well enough to know if the person Lena was at this moment was able to be in love with Kara. But she knew that she would go back to being the person who was in love with her in a heartbeat, if she could. 

“Hey,” Lena said in a lighter tone of voice, scooching closer to Kara on the bed. “So are we still going to see your-I mean our friends this weekend?” 

Kara’s eyes went wide, head turning quickly to look at Lena.

“I thought you didn’t know if you were up to seeing them or not?”

“Well, now I do know. And I would love to meet everyone. Well, re-meet them I guess.”

Kara’s face lit up.

“Oh my gosh, are you serious? Yes! They all kept their weekend free just in case! I’ll let everyone know right now! Although, one question, should we do it here or at Alex and Kelly’s place?” 

“Please not here. No offense, but I am sick to death of being stuck in this apartment.”

“Thank  _ God _ , becuase honestly? Me too. Oh my gosh, Lena, you have no idea how excited I am for this! I’m gonna call Alex right now!” 

Kara was practically buzzing with energy. She hopped off the bed, pulling her phone out of her back pocket, before turning back to Lena. 

“Is it okay if I give you a hug?” she asked, arms away from her sides like they were trying to reach out for Lena already on their own accord. 

Lena couldn’t help but laugh at the fact that Kara reminded her of a puppy when she was excited. 

“Sure,” Lena said, and before she could really brace herself, Kara had crossed the distance between them and pulled Lena into an almost suffocating embrace. 

Lena was reminded of their movie night on the roof, that was feeling more and more, in retrospect, like a date. She remembered how Kara had scooped her up, carried her down the steps like she was practically weightless in her grip. She remembered how comforting and how familiar Kara’s touch had felt. 

Lena melted into Kara’s grip, just a little, before Kara finally broke off their hug and ran out of the room to call her sister, letting out a small squeak of excitement as she did so.

*

Lena frowned at her own reflection in the mirror. It was so foreign to her now. Her hair was different from the surgery, her face was thinner, paler. The dark circles under her eyes were seemingly permanent now. She no longer needed the brace on her neck, so the now light brown marks, shadows compared to the dark bruises she initially had, were almost always visible. 

Different apartment, different life, different face. Nothing was familiar to Lena anymore.

But she didn’t have time to mope about it. She and Kara were due at Alex’s in an hour. 

Lena saw Kara walk past the open bedroom door. 

“Kara?” she called after her.

Kara’s face popped into the doorway. 

“Yeah?” she asked. 

“Can you...can you help?” she said in a defeated tone. 

Kara stepped tentatively into the bathroom. 

“What do you need, Lena?” she asked gently.

“I just...I don’t know what to do with my hair. The shaved bit is pissing me off.” 

“Really? I think it’s cute.” 

Kara stepped behind Lena, grabbing the brush resting on the sink and a couple of hair ties and bobby pins. 

“You do?” Lena asked. 

“Oh yeah,” Kara insisted as she set to work pulling the uncut hair around Lena’s scar into the beginnings of a small braid. “It’s got that whole Natalie Dormer in Mockingjay vibe to it, ya know?” 

“Now that reference I get.” Lena looked at her reflection again. “I suppose I could see that. If it weren’t paired with the rest of this mess.” 

“Lena,” Kara practically groaned as her hands worked through Lena’s hair with practiced efficiency, leaving Lena wondering how often they had done this for one another. “You almost  _ died _ . You can’t expect to be runway ready just yet. And anyway, I think you look beautiful. You always do.” 

“You’re saying that because you have to,” Lena said, feeling a slight blush on her cheeks. 

Kara took her eyes off of her work on Lena’s hair long enough to meet her gaze through the mirror. 

“No, I’m not,” she said almost sternly. “I said it becuase I mean it. Compared to seeing you with ventilator tubes and IV’s…” she crouched down so their faces were next to one another, still looking at each other through the reflective glass. “This is the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen.” 

Lena swallowed hard, realizing a moment too late just how close they were. Kara moved as if she was going to press her forehead against Lena’s. She was reminded of the picture in the bedroom. But Kara pulled away at the last second, and stood back up, grabbing a few more bobby pins from the counter.

“Now, what do you think?” Kara asked, tucking final lock of hair into place behind Lena’s ear.

Lena cleared her throat, wondering if Kara was always this charming. She looked at Kara’s work. She had woven together a series of small braids around the scar on her head in a way that, actually, yeah, did look pretty cool. 

Kara had let a hand rest on Lena’s shoulder while she had stood there behind her. Lena took it with her own and squeezed it gently.

“It’s perfect. Thank you, Kara,” 

*

Oh, God, it was too soon to be out like this.

_ No, _ Lena thought,  _ you had to show your face to someone besides Kara eventually. You were becoming a shut in, after all.  _

Lena hoped that her anxiety wasn’t too palpable as Kara knocked on the door to her sister’s apartment. Within it she could already hear happy, boisterous conversation. Somehow that was more terrifying than any board meeting or press conference she could imagine. Within a second, the door swung open, and a small child came bursting through it, grabbing onto Lena’s waist.

“Aunt Lena!” the young girl gripping her said ecstatically, voice slightly lisped by the pacifier in her mouth. All Lena could see of her from her vantage point were dark brown spiral curls and pink and purple unicorn print pajamas. 

Lena’s eyes flew up to Kara, looking for help. 

“Hannah, hey!” Alex said, chasing after the girl. “Sorry,” she mouthed to Lena as she pulled Hannah away before Lena could trip over her own feet and the child’s tight grip.

“It’s okay,” Lena said through a laugh. “Yours?” 

“Yeah,” Alex said exasperatedly, and she knelt down so she was eye level with her daughter. “Hey, little lady. Pacie.”

Hannah frowned, and pulled the pacifier from her mouth with a wet “pop”, dropping the spit covered thing into Alex’s hand. Alex didn’t even flinch. 

“Now, remember what we talked about with Aunt Lena? Hmm?”

Hannah glanced at Lena with big glittering brown eyes, then looked back at her mother and nodded, curls bouncing from the effort. 

“Okay, do you want to try and say hello to her properly?” Alex asked in a calm voice.

Hannah nodded again, and turned towards Lena, waddling up to her.

“Hi, Aunt Lena. I’m glad you’re feelring better. Here, take-iss,” she said, and thrust a crumpled piece of pink construction paper at her. 

Lena took it, and saw it had a few scribbles of a taller stick figure with brown streaks for hair, and a shorter stick figure with wilder brown streaks for her own hair, and “Feel Better” written on the bottom in more adult looking handwriting. 

“Come here, booger,” Kara said, and scooped Hannah up and began spinning her around dramatically, eliciting high pitched giggles and squeals of laughter from the young girl. “What have I told you about making me jealous by making sure everyone knows that Lena is your favorite aunt?” 

“You’re my fav-rit too! Can we go flyring now?” she asked expectantly. 

Kara’s and Alex’s eyes went wide in the exact same manner, and Alex had swooped in to put Hannah on her own hip in a single fluid motion. 

“Not now, honey. Come on, go see you mom. I think she has some goldfish for you.”

Hannah didn’t need to be persuaded further at the offer of salty fish shaped crackers. 

“Flying?” Lena asked Kara curiously. 

“Oh,” Kara said with a breathy, almost anxious laugh. “It’s just a game we play. You know, I hold her up really high and run around the room. Normal aunt/niece stuff. Not, like, real flying. Obviously. You are still her favorite aunt, though.”

“Really?” Lena said, in genuine disbelief. “That doesn’t sound right.” 

“Are you kidding? You do the best voices during story time! Now come on,” she said, and stepped beyond the entryway and further into the apartment where all the voices were coming from.

Hannah was already attached to Kelly’s hip, the only other person in the room that Lena recognized. The second Lena emerged in the living room, she was met with the loudly enthusiastic greetings of what felt like a sea of people, only three of which she could recall ever meeting before today. She had never had more than a couple of friends, if not frenemies, at a time. Even though Kara had warned her, had given her a rough run down of who she could expect to see tonight, she was still admittedly caught off guard. 

One older blonde woman stepped out from the pack to hug Lena in a tight, maternal way that was entirely foreign feeling to her. 

“Hello, my dear. It’s so good to see you up and about. You had us all so worried.”

Kara stepped into Lena’s peripheral vision so she could mouth “my mom” to her for clarification. 

“I’ve never seen Kara so distraught in my life,” Kara’s mom continued as she released Lena from her grip. “How are you feeling?” 

“I-I’m doing alright, um…” Lena knew this. Kara had told her her name. “Eliza!” she remembered triumphantly. “I’m doing alright, Eliza. Thanks for asking.” 

Eliza’s face fell slightly, reminding herself, of course, that Lena did not remember her.

“Good. You look well, Lena. Really.” 

“Thank you. I am being well taken care of, thanks to your daughter.” 

“Ah, it’s nothing,” Kara interjected as she slid up next to Lena, forming almost a human shield between her and the group that was all looking at Lena expectantly. “Um, so you remember Kelly, and this is her brother James,” she pointed to a tall, built man to extended his hand out to her.

“Hey, Lena. Good to see you.” 

“Right...thanks. Kelly’s brother, huh? You guys seem to have a...close knit family, Kara.”

“Well, we also used to date,” James said. 

“Who did you used to date?” Lena asked. 

“Uh...both of you, actually,” James said with a wide, unassuming if not slightly embarrassed smile.

Lena blinked. 

“At the same time?” she asked. 

James and Kara both laughed at once, James’ laugh being warm and amused, Kara’s barking and uncomfortable.

“Of course not, Lena. He’s just got a crap sense of humor. Right, James?” she said pointedly.

“Yep. That’s me,” he said with another wide smile, and went back to nursing his drink as Kara turned Lena towards another new face.

“Hi, Lena. Um, I’m Nia, and this is Brainy,” the young woman said, accompanied by a somewhat twitchy man who hovered behind Nia like they were tethered together. 

“Lena,” he said, thrusting his hand out for her to shake. “You don’t know me. That’s fine. But for the sake of honesty I should tell you that I am not human.” 

“I-I’m sorry, what?” Lena asked.

There was a shimmering on Brainy’s skin, and in a split second he was blue with three nodes jutting from his forehead. 

“Oh...wow,” Lena said, and forgot the proper decorum momentarily so that she could grip Brainy’s head and examine it. “What kind of tech are you using to cloak your appearance?”

“Funny you should ask! You helped me make the newest version of it!” he said, allowing himself to be minorly poked and prodded.

“Really? Well, not to pat myself on the back, but it’s fantastic,” Lena said, stepping away.

“Thank you. I did most of the work. But-” Brainy seemed to shift his direction of thinking after a pointed glance from Nia. “I won’t get into the details now. Can I offer you a soda?” 

“Uh, sure,” Lena said, and he disappeared into the kitchen. 

“Any other surprises?” Lena said quietly to Kara.

“Uh, well…” Kara said, taking in a deep breath as she seemed to be making a decision about something. Then she nodded her head to herself, deciding something. “So Nia can see the future. J’onn over there is a psychic Martian. James is a semi-retired vigilante, and Alex is the head of a secret government task force that specializes in extra terrestrial research and crime prevention.” 

Lena blinked.

“You’re serious?” 

“Yep. Yeah.”

“Didn’t think of mentioning any of that before we got here?” 

Kara shrugged. 

“To be fair, I didn’t think Brainy would show his skin the first five minutes you were here. So…”

“Right. Well…” Lena looked around the room slowly, coming to terms with all the new information. “Good, then. Very diverse group...I like it.” 

Kara let out a big sigh, clearly relieved.

“Good,” Kara said, and began the long process of getting Lena reacquainted with the group.

*

Within an hour, Lena’s head was throbbing. She couldn’t focus on any one thing anyone was saying, seeing as everyone was talking all at once. Hannah, the one person in the room besides Kara she felt totally at ease with, had been put to bed, and in her absence the drinks had started flowing and Lena was feeling more and more out of place with this group of people who, though they seemed to love her dearly, she just didn’t know how to talk to. And aside from all of that, there was something tugging at the back of Lena’s mind that she couldn’t shake. 

“Hey, Alex?” she asked quietly as Alex was stepping over her to get off the couch and grab another bottle of wine. “Can I talk to you for a second?” 

“Uh,” Alex looked around at the room for a second, “yeah, sure, wanna come with me to the kitchen?” 

Lena nodded and followed Alex, trying not to pay any mind to the fact that she could feel Kara watching them closely. 

“So what’s up, Lena?” Alex said, not making much eye contact as she shuffled about, grabbing a bottle of wine from the rack next to the fridge, then the bottle opener in cabinet drawer beneath it. 

“I need to ask you something, and I need you to be honest with me.” 

Alex’s eyes shot up at Lena’s serious tone. 

“Okay.” 

“Why does Kara keep hiding things from me?” 

Alex rolled her lips together, let her eyes dart around the room, and then looked back at Lena.

“What do you think she’s hiding from you?” 

“Well. For example,” Lena replied, leaning against the kitchen counter. “She didn’t tell me anything about your group of friends except their names and how long you’ve known them. And there is...obviously a lot more going on here than that. And then, you know, every time I ask her about our life together, she’s forthcoming about certain details and withholding of others. And then there’s the whole Supergirl thing…”

Alex’s eyes almost bulged out of her head.

“What Supergirl thing?” she asked. 

Alex tensed up in the same way Kara had done at the press interview earlier. What  _ was _ that?

“Okay. So. According to Kara, and everyone else, really, Supergirl and I are relatively close. But I have yet to hear from her since I woke up at the hospital. And I keep hearing that Supergirl is apparently missing and Kara doesn’t even seem concerned? What am I missing here?” 

Alex sighed. 

“Listen,” she began. “You have to understand that keeping secrets is sort of a...knee jerk reaction for Kara. I could try and explain why but honestly, we would be here all night. Just know that everything she does, she does because she really, truly believes that it’s the right thing to do. And in this case I think she’s afraid of overwhelming you all at once. After all, Kara is an incredibly...unique person, and so is your relationship. It’s a  _ lot _ of information to try and absorb, trust me. She wants you to know everything, she’s just trying to take things one step at a time.” 

Lena nodded, knowing somehow that Alex was telling the truth. She didn’t know much about Alex, but she had an instinctive feeling that she could talk to her about anything and get a straight answer from her regardless of the questions. 

“Then just tell me this one thing,” Lena said hesitantly. 

“What’s that?” 

“Did I have an affair with Supergirl?” 

Alex was so startled at her question that she sent the corkscrew with the cork hanging off the end of it flying across the kitchen from yanking it out of the bottle too hard. It clattered onto the floor, causing the group to look in their direction with fresh interest. 

“What? Lena,  _ no _ . That’s not even...no.” 

“You’re sure?” 

“Yes! I’m sure! What would make you think that?” 

“I don’t know! There's just always this,” she dropped her voice to a whisper, aware that they now had an audience, “ _ Tension _ in the air whenever Supergirl comes up, and I couldn’t figure out what else it could possibly be.” 

“Well, it’s  _ not _ that. Now…” Alex cut herself short, looking off into the distance as if she were hearing something that Lena couldn’t. 

She looked up to the rest of the group, and many of them had similar looks on their faces, Kara included. 

“TV,” Alex said to Kelly, and in a moment, the news was displayed on the screen. 

And alien ship was hovering over National City, and was seemingly preparing some kind of attack. Lena stared at the screen in disbelief. 

“Wh-what do we do?” she asked. 

“Kara,” Alex said in a warning tone. 

“I know, I know, but-”

“ _ Kara _ ,” Alex said more sternly.

Lena was definitely missing something.

“Ugh!” Kara groaned. “Okay!”

The next thing Lena knew, Kara was standing in front of her, gripping her hands in her own with a frantic tension. 

“Lena, I need you to listen to me, because there's something you need to know about me. I’m sorry I didn’t find the right time to tell you this after you woke up from your coma, and I’m sorry I have to tell you this way now. But...I’m Supergirl, and I have to go take down an alien ship. Okay?”

“I-”

Before Lena could even think of a response, Kara ripped of her glasses, and in a matter of moments, a blue suit and red cape had materialized onto her. She took a moment to give Lena an apologetic look, and then took off flying through the open window. 

The rest of the group was already on their way to the scene. It became suddenly evident to Lena that with their combined talents, they must have been part time friends and a part time crime fighting squad. Or something like that. Suddenly the only people left in the room were Kelly and Mrs. Danvers. 

“So…” Mrs. Danvers said to Lena. “You need a ride home, hun?” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Love yinz!  
-Tess


	5. The Soft Post-Reveal We Deserve

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Twenty questions. We tell the truth. You've been stressed out lately, yeah me too. Something gave you the nerve to touch my hand, it's nice to have a friend."
> 
> Playlist:  
I Wish You Would   
It's Nice To Have A Friend

“Well,” Eliza said resolutely, looking out over the evening cityscape as she unlocked her car with a beep from the key fob. “Looks like all the action is going on over downtown, as usual. We should be able to get back to the apartment without hitting any roadblocks.” 

She spoke of an attacking alien ship over National City like it was no more notable than a fender bender on the freeway. 

“Sweetheart? Why are you getting in the backseat? You can sit up here with me.”

“Um…” Lena faltered, feeling small and childish. Especially since a woman she didn’t know was referring to her by infantile pet names like “honey” and “sweetheart”. “I know I can’t remember the crash, but I still get a little nervous in cars. I’ll just...I won’t be able to relax unless I’m in the back where I can’t see the road.” 

“Oh, gosh, Lena, I’m sorry. I didn’t even think-”

“It’s fine, don’t worry about it, Mrs. Danvers,” she said, and climbed into the back seat. 

“We can upstairs until the action is over, if you like, so Kara can fly you home instead.”

“No,” Lena snapped unexpectedly. “I’d rather be home now. The car is fine.” 

Lena’s mind felt numb as Eliza started the car and drove off into the dark that was punctuated by occasional bursts of light from far off explosions overhead. Kara was Supergirl? 

Supergirl?

Lena was married to fucking  _ Supergirl _ ? 

“You okay back there?” she heard Eliza say from the driver’s seat, their eyes meeting for a moment through the rearview mirror.

“Huh? Oh. Yeah, I’m okay.”

“You sure you’re not just reeling a little bit from Kara telling you that she’s Supergirl?” 

Lena sighed, wishing she were a little less transparent.

“Little bit, yeah.” 

“You really don’t remember anything about Kara, do you?”

Lena clicked her tongue, wishing she had a different answer to Eliza’s question.

“Nothing before mistaking her for a nurse in the hospital.” 

“Hmm…” Eliza said thoughtfully. “So, what’s bothering you more? The fact that she’s Supergirl or the fact that she didn’t tell you about it right away?” 

“I don’t-” Lena took a moment to think. “I don’t have an answer for that yet.” 

There was a large booming sound behind the car. Far off, but close enough to make Lena jump. Eliza, however, didn’t even flinch

“The commotion out there really doesn’t bother you?” Lena asked, perplexed. 

Eliza shrugged. 

“I spent too many years worrying myself sick every time Kara or Alex threw themselves into dangers like that. After awhile I became immune to it. I had to. It still bothers me, to be sure, I’m not completely callous. But...I’m able to manage the anxiety in my own way. I find ways to keep myself busy. Going for a drive, for instance, helps. So does knitting, but, I didn’t bring my needles with me. Probably should have.” 

The car went quiet for a moment after that. Lena eventually looked up, only to see Eliza considering her closely through the rearview mirror. 

“You know, you and Kara have been through this before. The whole “Supergirl reveal” thing. She has to go through it with everyone she gets close to sooner or later. You can’t imagine the heartache it’s caused her through the years. And you can’t imagine the worry it can cause me, her mother, who wants nothing more than for her to be happy and safe. And that suit and cape, the powers, the whole deal, it puts both of those things in jeopardy. Every day. And sometimes, no matter how careful she is, she puts that trust that she guards so tightly, in the wrong people.”

There was an ominous tone to Eliza’s voice that made Lena feel like a teenager in the beginning of their dating career being given “the talk” by an overprotective parent. Lena shrunk under Eliza’s gaze that continued to penetrate through the mirror as they sat through an agonizingly long red light. 

“Kara has brought you closer to her heart than anyone else in this world,” Eliza continued. “Closer than me, closer than Alex. And that took a lot of courage on her part. And it didn’t come without its...challenges.” 

“Mrs. Danvers,” Lena said softly.

“Oh, Eliza, please,” she insisted with a sweetness like poison. 

“Okay,  _ Eliza _ ,” Lena continued. “Are you trying to say that Kara made a mistake by sharing her secret with me?” 

Eliza put a small smile on her face. Lena had no idea if it was fake or not.

“I just...I want to know where your head is right now. Also Kara never let me give my ‘protective mom’ speech the first time around when you two got together, so...” 

Lena became aware that she was thrumming her fingers against the leather of the car’s interior anxiously.

“I don’t know what to tell you, Mrs. Danvers. I’m not good at relationships. I never have been. I either surround myself with people who don’t understand or trust me, or I find myself unable to trust anyone long enough to really get to know me. I don’t know which category this would fall under. Maybe it’s both. I wish it were neither. But I can’t change the facts of the situation. Kara hid something important from me, but I get the feeling she did it for the right reasons. And that should count for something. I…” she stopped herself. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t be divulging all of this to Kara’s mother of all people.” 

“I don’t mind,” Eliza said earnestly. “You want to know the truth? My daughters both chose wonderful people to share their lives with. And I love both you and Kelly like you were my own daughters. So, if you need someone to vent to, vent away. It’s what moms are for.” 

Lena scoffed. 

“I’m sure you don’t really want to treat me like your own daughter.” 

“No? Why not? Becuase Lillian failed so many times to show you what a decent mother looks like?” Eliza shook her head. “Trust me, she gives a bad name to adopted moms everywhere. I have a few words saved for her if we were to ever cross paths, I can tell you that much. Okay, we’re here!” 

Lena stepped out of the car and allowed Eliza to lead her to the front doors of the apartment building. 

“Oh, and look at that,” Eliza said as she held open the door. “It looks like things are deescalating downtown. Funny how things manage to work themselves out.” 

“Eliza,” Lena pressed. “You never asked my question.” 

“Which one, dear?”

“Has it been safe, or wise, for Kara to put her trust in me?”

“Well, you two have been happily married for two years now, isn’t that evidence enough for you?”

“That’s not really an answer, Mrs. Danvers.” 

Eliza smiled, but said nothing in reply.

*

_ “Missile incoming at your three, Supergirl.” _

“ _ Ugh _ ,” Kara groaned, and all but threw herself into the missile's trajectory so she could grab it and toss it unto the upper atmosphere with a satisfyingly glittery explosion. 

_ “You know, you don’t have to be so crabby towards me, I didn’t do anything wrong,” _ Alex’s voice scolded into Kara’s earpiece (It was new, she had lost track of her old ones from before Lena’s wreck. Alex had made her wear it, despite Kara’s protests).

“What do you mean you didn’t do anything wrong? You made me come out to Lena before I wanted to, Alex!”

_ “I didn’t make you do shit! The fucking alien invaders made you do your job for the first time in months. It’s no one’s fault but yours that you insisted on lying! Again!  _ Agh _ !”  _

Alex screeched out in pain. Kara whizzed back down to the ground, switching her comm from the private line she had with Alex to the common line. Alex and half the agents were crouching on the ground, writhing in pain, with no discernible cause.

“J’onn?” Kara asked. 

_ “Psychic attack. Hang on,”  _ J’onn said, and in a moment the agents stood back up, relieved of their invisible malady. 

_ “There’s a message coming in from the ship,” _ Brainy said into the comm.  _ “Translating now.”  _

Another missile came shooting out of the ship overhead. Kara shot back off to redirect it, and again, it had the same glittery explosion. 

_ “They’re asking us to surrender,”  _ Brainy said. 

“Not gonna happen!” Kara said, and bolted off closer to the ship to see if she could find an entry point. “And that was a cheap shot, Alex.” 

“ _ She was gonna find out at some point. At least now it’s over with and you can start to deal with it rather than twitch about it for three years and then start a freaking civil war like last time!” _

“I don’t care that she found out! It’s good that she knows! I care that-” Kara blasted her way into a hatch on the side of what looked like the control room of the ship. “I care that her knowing might trigger memories attached to Supergirl that will upset her.” 

_ “They’re her memories to rediscover, not yours to pick and choose from. Pod incoming!”  _

Kara rushed to the control room, only to find five octopus-like aliens rapidly approaching her. She took on her fighting stance, ready to take them down, but she stopped herself. Something about their mannerisms didn’t fit with that of an attack. They looked...relieved to see her?

“Cease fire, guys, hold on,” Kara said to the main line of the comms. 

The aliens began to chatter at her in a language that sounded almost familiar to her, like if she were to hear someone speaking french at her despite the fact that she hadn’t taken a french class since grade school. 

“Brainy are you sure you got that translation right?”

_ “Of course I did! I never, wait-is the species in question an average of ten feet tall with spider-like appendages?” _

“No, uh...seven feet, and it’s more octopus-like than spider-like.”

_ “Oh…”  _ Brainy got very quiet.

Kara started to be able to pick out a word here and there she could translate from her language studies back on Krypton. 

“Help...lost…” Kara began to say out loud as the creatures circled her, chattering excitedly. “Peaceful...need directions...oh for Rao’s sake. Have your agents stand down, Alex. This is just a star freighter that got lost and need directions.” 

_ “But what about the missiles?” _ Nia cut in in confusion. 

“They were basically road flares. They were trying to signal for help.”

_ “And the psychic attack?”  _ J’onn asked.

“They were trying to tell us to _stop_ _shooting_. Ugh, I revealed Supergirl to Lena for _this_?” 

Brainy materialized on the ship, and began to, correctly this time, speak to the species in their language. As he began to help fix their navigation systems so he could send them on their way, Kara took off in frustration, landing roughly down on the ground where the agents were beginning the tear down and clean up from the near disaster. Kara resisted the urge to shoulder check her sister as she walked past her to check in with the rest of the team.    
  


“Fine. Blame everything on me if that makes you feel better,” Alex spat.

“Okay, I will.” 

“Oh, come on, Kara! Would you just talk to me about this instead of lashing out?” 

Kara turned towards her sister, containing her pent up frustration in the balls of her fists that rested against her hips.

“Fine! I guess... I guess I was afraid of what happened the last time she found out. Not that I think Lena would react that way again, I really don’t. But...it just...it took us _so_ _long_ to be good again after everything fell apart,” Kara gasped for breath, feeling like her lungs were crushing under all the weight of what she was confessing. “And even after we got together, hell, even after we got _married_, the memory of it all was always haunting us. And it killed me that I couldn’t find a way to make all of it...disappear. It killed me that I-that I knew she was always trying to make up for it no matter how many times I insisted to her that it was in the past.” 

Kara took a moment to compose herself, angrily wiping away tears that she had not given permission to fall. 

“I hate that Lena can’t remember our life together,” she continued. “I  _ hate _ it. But...I realized that the one good thing that came from it was that we had a chance to start fresh. That painful part of our past was finally gone for good. At least for Lena.” 

“Kara,” Alex said softly.

“I know it’s stupid,” Kara said, turning away from her sister.

“It’s not stupid,” Alex insisted gently, reaching out to grasp Kara’s forearm. “I get it, okay? But you can’t hide from the truth. It’s never helped either of you to do so. Especially since Lena is very clearly seeing through what you’re doing. Hell, she asked me if the reason you were so weird about Supergirl was because she had had an affair with her.”

“Wait... _ what _ ?” Kara exclaimed.

“Yep.” 

Kara raked her fingers through her hair in bewilderment.

“Jesus,” she sighed. “God, you’re right. You were right all along. I shouldn’t have lied. God, why can’t I stop  _ doing _ that?

Kara pinched the skin between her eyebrows, willing herself to find calm. 

“Okay. Okay. I can handle this. It’s good we got the Supergirl thing out of the way. Even if it may have put a wrench in the works. Things were actually going really well before tonight.”

“Oh yeah?” Alex asked. 

“Yeah. She  _ hugged _ me the other day, Alex. And this morning, she let me do her hair, and she got  _ very _ flustered when I told her she looked beautiful.” 

“Such a charmer,” Alex teased with a light shove of Kara’s shoulder. “Well, Kelly texted me to let me know that mom took Lena back to your place. So, you go back to wooing your wife, we can handle the cleanup from here.”

“You sure?” 

“I’m sure.” 

“Okay, come here,” Kara said, and pulled Alex into an incredibly tight hug. “Sorry I snapped at you,” she said into her hair. “It just made me remember and then...I panicked.”

“I’m Sorry I pulled you out of your hiatus for a false alarm. For the record, though, Supergirl  _ is _ back now, isn’t she?” 

Kara groaned. 

“I  _ guess _ ,” she said, and took off into the night.

*

_ Just open the door, Kara.  _

_ Open the door.  _

_ Oh come, on, Supergirl, open the damn door. _

Kara took a breath, and let herself quietly into the apartment. She had felt so good about where they were at since the press release, so confident that they were headed in the right direction. And then everything got messed up in the blink of an eye.

It was Kara’s fault that exposure of the truth had messed things up. She knew that. She just couldn’t seem to stop herself from making the same mistakes again and again.

And  _ again _ . 

“Lena?” Kara called into the apartment. 

“Back here,” she heard Lena say from the office. 

Feeling the nerves build up within her like a stomach virus, Kara walked cautiously back to where Lena was, entering the open doorway of the office. Lena was standing next to the desk with her back to the door.

“Everything okay?” Lena asked, tone unreadable. 

“Oh. Yeah. False alarm.”

“Didn’t look like a false alarm,” Lena replied, hands fiddling with something Kara couldn’t see. 

“I didn’t think so either. But, no, just some friendly passersby needing directions. Is um...Is everything okay?” 

Kara noticed that the closet door on the opposite side of the room was open, and looked like it had been rummaged through. Lena turned to face Kara, and her movement revealed a white cardboard box on top of the desk. Kara instantly knew what was inside of it, and she cringed. 

“Did you hide all of these things in here so I wouldn’t find out?” Lena asked softly, facing away from Kara with her hands resting against one of many framed awards given to Supergirl over the years. 

“No,” Kara said as she walked gingerly closer to Lena. “I keep them hidden so that if anyone who doesn’t know about me comes into the apartment, they won’t see that stuff hanging all over the walls and figure it out.” 

“Right.” Lena said, taking a moment to look around at what was on the wall, being mostly awards for Lena’s work and Kara’s writing. Then she turned to Kara. “We need to talk.” 

“Yeah, I know,” Kara said, the dread building inside of her as she moved to sit on the futon across from the desk. 

“You changed already,” Lena said, looking Kara’s outfit over. 

“Suit dematerializes on command,” Kara explained.

Lena sat down at the desk chair, facing Kara.

“Very cool,” she said dryly. 

“You’ve helped design a lot of the newer suit tech, actually.” 

“Seems like I do a lot to help you and your group of crime fighters out.”

“You do! You’re...instrumental to the team. To the DEO I mean, which is, uh, the government agency Alex, Brainy, and all of us work for.” 

“I see.” Lena thrummed her fingers against her knee, thinking. “Is that how we got to know one another? Through my work with the DEO?”

“No you-you just knew Kara Danvers the reporter first. And then you met Supergirl. And then, you know,  _ eventually… _ ”

“So you kept this secret from me once before?”

Kara took a shaky breath.

“Yes.”

“While we were dating?”

“No.”

“But for a longer period of time than it took you to tell me this time around?”

“...Yes.”

“Did you plan on telling me at all?”

“Which time?”

“Both times.”

“Yes.”

“Really?”

“Yes!” Kara said vehemently, already exhausted from the rapid fire succession of questions. 

And maybe from her little workout during the false alarm alien invasion. Kara didn’t realize how out of shape she was after her hiatus as Supergirl. 

“Kara, you have to know me well enough to know how sensitive I am to being lied to…”

“I know. Of  _ course _ I know. And I promise you I…” she continued. “I  _ was _ going to tell you, Lena. I just got so wrapped up in helping you get better that I wasn’t even putting the suit on at all. And after a while, it didn’t feel like Supergirl had any place in all of this. So I...put her away. But I shouldn’t have. I should have told you from the beginning. I just...I can’t help but keep secrets. It’s like an instinct for me, even when I know that it doesn’t make things any better between us. So…” Kara sighed. “I don’t think I should be the only one helping you fill in the gaps of your memory. I can’t trust myself not to gloss over the things that aren’t comfortable. So...if you want, I already talked to Kelly and Nia about trying to help you regain your memories. They’re happy to help, if that’s what you want.”

Lena tilted her head, considering Kara like she did a lab subject. Kara hated that look. It meant that she wasn’t letting herself feel anything, she was being clinical and deductive. 

And Kara was  _ not _ one of her subjects.

“Okay. Thank you for telling me the truth,” Lena finally said. 

“That...that’s it?” Kara said in disbelief.

“Yeah. I mean It makes sense. I’ve been eating up a lot of your time lately, and you were worried about how I might react to this information considering my mental state and where I am cognitively in conjuncture to the last events I can remember. I wish you’d have told me a  _ little _ earlier, but... I get it. It’s a big secret to keep. It comes with a lot of complications.” 

“So...we’re good?” Kara asked. 

Lena bit her lower lip. The sight of it almost sent Kara into a spiral.

“Only if you’re good with me asking you, like, a shit ton of questions about your powers,” Lena answered resolutely. 

Kara chuckled. Why couldn’t it have been this easy the last time? 

But wait...it had at first, hadn’t it?

“Okay, I just want to be sure,” Kara said. “Becuase last time we went through this you told me you were fine, and everything was great between us. But it really  _ wasn’t _ great becuase you  _ weren’t _ fine and you kept everything all bottled up and...just tell me the truth. Is this going to be a problem?” 

Lena stood up and crossed the room until she was standing right in front of Kara, and then she sat down next to Kara on the futon, taking one of Kara’s hands in her own. Kara swore Lena had to hear how her breath caught in her throat in reaction to Lena’s touch.

“Kara,” Lena said gently. “You have been so wonderful to me since I woke up. You have been patient, and understanding, and kind, and the best sort of friend that I could ever ask for. It would be pretty stupid of me to wreck all of that just because it turns out that you are a little more complicated than I expected, and that you’ve made a couple of mistakes here and there.” 

Kara let out a deep exhale, letting her head fall into her lap out of pure relief, her forehead resting against Lena’s hand for just a moment until she realized what she was doing and sat back up. 

“Besides,” Lena said, pressing past the awkward moment as best as she could, though she did take her hand away from Kara’s lap. “Being this close to a super? That’s a pretty cool way to bury the Luthor legacy, if I say so myself .”

“Oh, so is that the only reason you kept me around?” Kara said. She knew Lena was joking. Joking was good. Joking meant she hadn’t lost her again. 

“Who knows!” Lena said with a light laugh. “Maybe. It’s not like I can remember one way or the other, right?” 

Kara shook her head at Lena, and then leaned back against the back of the futon, pulling her long curls away from her face with a drag of her fingers, letting some of the anxiety fall away from her so she could feel just how exhausted she was, both physically and emotionally.

“But if the offer is out there,” Lena said, thinking. “I could use a little help in the memory department.” 

“Right,” Kara said, growing wary and fearful again at the thought of what she would remember, despite her best intentions to fight past old her old habits. 

Apparently she could have hidden her distress better. 

“Hey,” Lena said, tapping Kara’s elbow so that she would look at her. “Would you feel better if I gave you a hug?” 

Kara felt her chest swell with pent up emotions.

“It really would,” she squeaked, and let herself be pulled into Lena’s embrace.

This was a step in the right direction. It really was.

Even if it stung more than a little bit that a moment ago Lena had referred to Kara as just her “friend”.

Lena pulled away first, which was expected.

“Now,” she said, “I really do have a lot of questions to ask you about your abilities.” 

“ _ Ugh _ ,” Kara groaned, moving to lay flat on the futon. “Fine,” she mumbled into the cushion behind Lena’s back. “But I’m gonna stay like this the whole time becuase I am, like,  _ really _ tired.” 

“Supergirl worn out from a false alarm? Who would have thought?” 

“Hey!” Kara said, feigning offense as she turned her face so she could see Lena looking down at her with an amused smile. “You try taking a few months off of work and see if it doesn't wear you down a little to jump right back into it.”

Lena’s face fell. Kara realized what she was thinking.

“Oh. Right,” Kara said, feeling stupid for having said anything. 

“Right,” Lena mused quietly. “That’s next on the to-do list.” She shook her head, waving off her thoughts on the matter of her work. “But this comes first. So,” Lena twisted around on the futon so she was facing Kara and rested an arm against the back of it so she was slightly hovering over Kara. “Tell me everything about your abilities. And don’t spare  _ any _ details.”

*

They talked for what felt like hours. Kara kept stubbornly pushing past every urge to let her eyelids droop becuase it felt so good to be able to talk with and be close and open to Lena like this. At a certain point Lena’s neck had begun to cramp, so they had exited the office to make tea only to find that yes, in fact, they had been talking for hours.

Lena’s range of questions knew no bounds. Kara didn’t know how to answer a lot of them. She didn’t have the technical vocabulary to describe how she was what she was in the kind of detail Lena needed to satisfy her so very logical mind. 

When they resettled on the couch, Lena wanted to hear Kara’s stories. She wanted to know about every foe Supergirl had faced, she wanted to know about all the times Lena had assisted her, and how. 

Kara felt so...peaceful like this. Despite how much she tried not to think about it, she couldn’t help but compare this version of her reveal to the last one. Where there had been fear and secrecy, now there was curiosity and openness. Where there was pain and tears, now there was warmth and laughter. Where there had been destruction, now there was growth. 

Kara felt her chin bump against her knees that she had brought to her chest some time ago. She as starting to  _ literally _ nod off.

“Oh, my gosh, Kara,” Lena said, glancing at the clock on the far wall, “it’s past two in the morning.” 

“Hmm?” Kara roused herself once again. “Oh. I guess it is.”

“You’re exhausted. You should get some sleep.” 

“No,” Kara insisted like a stubborn child, resting her head against the back of the couch. “No. I’m fine. I’d rather stay like this. It’s nice.” 

“Kara,” Lena breathed, reaching out to touch Kara's hand that rested on top of the blanket bunched around her ankle. 

Kara heard herself sigh contentedly in response to Lena’s touch and squeeze her hand in response, too tired to try and hide such feelings. 

“We don’t have to cover everything tonight. We have plenty of time to catch up,” Lena insisted. “It’s not like I’m going anywhere.”

“Hmm…” Kara mused softly. “Promise?” 

Her eyes had since closed, but she heard Lena laugh in response. 

“Promise.” 

The couch cushions creaked. Lena had gotten up off the couch. Kara whined under her breath at the idea of ending their night now, but she also didn’t miss the opportunity to sprawl out on the couch as her drowsiness increased tenfold.

“Am I gonna have to carry you to bed?” Lena asked playfully. 

“Mm, I thought that was my job,” Kara murmured. 

She heard Lena sigh, almost regretfully. Then Kara felt a blanket being draped over her before she finally drifted off to sleep. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Love yinz, hope y'all are holding up after that...fucking ep...  
-Tess-


	6. Publicity Is A Bitch

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "You stand with you hand on my waistline. It's a scene, and we're out here in plain sight."
> 
> Playlist:  
The Lucky One  
I Know Places

“You sure you’re ready to do this?” Kara whispered into Lena’s ear from where she stood close behind her. 

“Too late to back out now,” Lena murmured back, the melodic husk in her voice sending a shiver down Kara’s spine. She then turned to face Kara suddenly. “You’re sure I look alright?” 

Kara gave Lena a look over, more for Lena’s benefit of seeing her do so than anything else. It was the first time Lena had worn a suit since the accident. It was a simple three piece, dark blue with a black vest. Suits meant strength. That’s what Lena always said, at least. 

Lena’s secretary had brought in a makeup artist, and he had done an admittedly impressive job of hiding the remnants of Lena’s bruises and scars. If Kara hadn’t watched Lena fight to get to this point, hadn’t seen her pull herself back from the brink of death, it might be easy for her to believe based on how she looked now that none of it had even happened. 

But Kara, of course, knew better. If nothing had even happened, she could just close the distance between them in the privacy of the makeshift curtain put up behind the glass doors of L-Corp and kiss Lena’s anxieties away. But she could only clench her jaw, smile at Lena, and cross her hands in front of her to keep them from going anywhere else out of muscle memory. 

“You look perfect, Lena,” she said.

“They’re ready for you, Mrs. Luthor,” one of the security guards called from his post next to the curtain. 

Kara had never noticed how frequently Lena had to correct the use of her old name until she noticed that Lena failed to do so this time. 

_ Luthor-Danvers _ , Kara thought to herself regretfully.

Lena’s eyes widened in a panic as she realized she had no more time to stall the inevitable. 

“You’re with me, right?” Lena said. “I can’t face that crowd alone.” 

Kara smiled past the miserable yearning within her that was all but commonplace now. She had really thought that she and Lena were finally getting closer, finally building towards something. And then Kara found out that Lena had not been exaggerating when she said that getting back to work was next on her to-do list. The morning after their night talking and filling in the blanks about Supergirl, Lena was barreling ahead with planning meetings and conferences and all but leaving Kara to her own devices. 

“Always,” Kara said. “Besides, press conferences with Lena Luthor have a 5:1 chance of ending in chaos, so it’s better I’m here in case Supergirl needs to make an appearance.”

“Well that’s comforting,” Lena sighed regretfully. 

“You wanted honesty,” Kara replied with a chuckle.

“Yeah…” Lena said with a good-humored sigh. “Yeah I did.”

The guard pulled the curtain open for them. Cameras flashed, restless chatter filled their ears, the crowd all clamored to be the first to see a glimpse of Lena. All this was suddenly familiar again to Kara. 

The public figures aspect of their relationship had been practically routine for Lena and Kara before, especially when they had first started dating and had been the gossip of the town for  _ months _ . Kara and Lena couldn’t even hold hands without pictures of it being splashed all over the internet. 

Well, that wasn’t quite true. Online rumors about their relationship had existed well before they started dating. They had even been a trending hashtag once or twice, if Kara remembered correctly. But it had taken a few months of increasing PDA and blush worthy commentary from Lena herself to more conservatie reporters before people had stopped referring to them as “really good friends” and had actually figured out that there was more to it than that. 

Now, Lena reached a hand back to Kara instinctively, either because she knew they had to sell that their relationship was as strong as ever, or becuase she needed Kara’s touch for support.

Kara told herself it was the latter as she took Lena’s outstretched hand in her own. Lena used their joined hands to pull Kara closer behind her, and turned to face her as nonchalantly as she could manage, but Kara could see a painstricken look on her face as the clamor of the media rose to feverish levels.

“The flashes of light are like knives to my brain,” Lena admitted to Kara quietly with a wince. 

“Do you need me to get you some sunglasses? Or do you want your press secretary to kick out the photographers?” Kara replied quickly. 

“No,” Lena insisted sharply. “No. It will show that something is amiss. I don’t want to look weak.”

“Lena,” Kara murmured regretfully.

“I have to get through this, Kara. I have to.”

“Okay,” Kara breathed, looking out at the crowd and their incessant pictures, trying to think of a solution. “Then just-keep your eyes on the podium as much as you can, and squeeze my hand twice if you need me to wrap it up early.”

Lena nodded, and in the blink of an eye she had painted on her signature Luthor Smile, and was leading Kara up with her to the podium waiting for her as if nothing was amiss. 

“Good morning,” Lena said meekly, before she cleared her throat, summoning for her long unused public speaking voice. “Thank you all for being here today,” she said with more confidence. “I want to take a moment to thank everyone who reached out to my wife and I while I was recovering from what proved to be a uniquely challenging time in both our lives.”

Once Kara heard Lena call her her ‘wife’, she felt herself sliding into that numb place in the back of her mind, the one she had slowly constructed since Lena awoke. It was a place to retreat to whenever she needed to be there for Lena, but not in the way Kara needed to feel whole. 

“In all honesty,” Lena continued, “It is nothing short of a miracle that I am even standing here in front of you today. I know I’ve had my fair share of close calls, but this was a little ridiculous.” 

The crowd chuckled. This was going well, Lena and Kara could both feel it. 

“I wanted to address some rumours that have been floating around in my absence about the future of LCorp. Rest assured, that I am not going anywhere.”

The camera flashes picked up at her statement. Lena flinched, and looked down at the podium, squeezing Kara’s hand, but only once. Kara could almost hear Lena’s inner thoughts telling her to push through no matter how severe the pain. 

“In fact,” Lena continued, her voice faltering only slightly. “This whole experience has reinvigorated my passion for advancing medical and emergency response technologies both in National City and abroad. I am hoping to have some exciting reveals at this year’s LCorp Expo.”

“Mrs. Luthor-Danvers!” a reporter called, despite the floor not being open to questions yet. However, Lena let the faux pas slide, likely because the sooner she got through questions, the sooner she could wrap things up. “Do you have anything to say to the man who caused the wreck?” 

Lena blinked. 

“No, I do not,” she said brusquely, flinching again from the flashing lights. 

“Do you think your shareholders should have any reason to worry about the future of the company with you at the helm after such a long time away from your post?” another reporter asked. 

“If I believed I was no longer qualified to run this company, I would have given my resignation already,” Lena said coldly. 

He had struck a nerve, Kara could tell. 

“How are you and Kara doing?” 

Lena and Kara both looked in the same direction towards the voice that had asked the question. Kara recognized them as a reporter named Skai that worked for a local LGBT online publication. Skai, in particular, had written quite a few stories about Lena and Kara’s relationship that Kara had made a point to save because she had thought they were very well written and touching. 

Lena, however, froze. Evidently she hadn’t expected such a question, or she would have prepped for it, like she always does. Or maybe she had, but was thrown off nonetheless.

“It’s just,” Skai said. “I would have been a mess if my spouse had gone through something like that. Especially since the wreck was the night of your wedding anniversary. So, how are you two doing now that you’re in good health?” 

Lena’s eyes flickered to Kara’s only for a moment. She squeezed Kara’s hand twice. 

Time to go. 

Kara stepped into the microphone, and Lena stepped aside with a large smile to the audience as if she had no problem letting Kara field that particular question. 

“Thank you for that question, Skai,” Kara said. “You’re right, seeing your wife go through something like that is not something I would wish on my worst enemy. It felt like derailed our whole lives. But…”

Kara couldn’t think fast enough to form a positive spin to put on the end. Shit.  _ Shit _ . 

“But I think our relationship is stronger than ever because of it,” Lena cut in suddenly, standing directly next to Kara at the mic and snaking an arm around Kara’s waist. “For better or worse, right?” Lena leaned her forehead against Kara’s for a moment for dramatic emphasis. Kara felt her breath hitch in her throat. “Now, if that’s all the questions, I-”

“What about Supergirl?” a reporter to the right asked.

Now it was Kara who froze. 

“She’s finally emerged after being missing for months around the same time that you are back on your feet. Any connection?” 

Lena’s eyes found Kara’s for a second, before she cleared her throat.

“If there is, I have no knowledge of it. I’ve been a little too busy _not_ _dying_ to keep tabs on what Supergirl has been up to.” Laughter from the crowd again. “Now, that really is the last question I can take. Thank you all again for your time.” 

The reporters tried to shout out their unanswered questions after Lena stepped away from the podium, but it was of no use. Lena was pulling herself away from the stage, arm still gripping Kara’s waist, either for show or to anchor herself, as she rushed to the safety of the other side of the curtain just as casually as she could make herself appear. The second they were alone again, Lena released Kara from her grip, and she turned away from her to hold her aching head and groan audibly. 

“Lena?” Kara asked softly. “What do you need? Should I call the doctor?” 

“No,” Lena said, turning back to face Kara and straightening. “I’m fine now. The lights just...really got to me.” 

“Okay. Next time we’ll make sure the press secretary ensures that there will be no flash photography.”

Lena scoffed. 

“Next time? I never want to do that  _ again _ . You forget, Kara, I’m not used to being the face of this company yet. I don’t remember-” at that moment, one of the security guards walked past. Lena smiled tightly in his direction, holding her tongue until he was out of earshot. “I don’t remember any experience I may have amassed. I’m still used to being the person  _ behind _ the person at the mic.”

“Right, of course,” Kara replied.

Lena leaned against a marble pillar to her left, her perfect silhouette distracting Kara only for a second.

“Maybe they’re right,” she said. “Maybe I’m not qualified to do this job anymore.” 

And just like that, Kara was kicked back in time to when she was a young, would-be reporter tagging along behind her cousin only to find herself suddenly transfixed by a woman who just wanted to be given a chance. 

“Lena, come on,” Kara said, moving to stand in front of Lena. “There is no one else who can do what you do. You are so smart and so talented. LCorp would be lost without you. It’s just going to take a little time to get used to things, that’s all. But you’ve done it before, and I know you can do it again.” 

Lena was silent for a moment, looking Kara over slowly, eyes hovering over Kara’s face like she was searching for it’s earnestness.

“Well, when you put it  _ that _ way,” Lena finally said, and gave Kara a small smile. “Thank you for helping me today, Kara. I know I said this shouldn’t be your responsibility, and I don’t mean to lean on you so heavily like this. But seeing as no one at the company, not even my secretary, can know about my amnesia, I was afraid to do this alone. So...really, thank you.” 

“Of course.” 

Lena sighed, looking Kara over with a suddenly pained expression on her face. 

“So...the night of the crash was our wedding anniversary?” 

Kara swallowed hard, silently pleading with herself not to show what she was feeling. 

“Uh. Yeah,” she said softly, looking at everything in the room but Lena. “Two years.”

“God...just when I thought it couldn’t get any worse.”

“It’s-”

“ _ Don’t _ say it’s fine, Kara. It’s not. That’s just...fucking tragic. I’m sorry, but it is. Between that and my being hot and cold with you lately...and then touching you in front of the crowd like that without checking with you first just to keep up appearances regardless of-”

“It was something you had to do,” Kara interrupted, reciting the justification of it all that she had already told herself over and over again. “If we act distant, then the rumors start flying. And we can’t have people thinking you’re on the outs with your wife at the same time that you’re trying to put your company back together after a long time away. They’d devour you. I...I can play the part if  _ you _ can. So...can you?”

Lena laughed in the helpless kind of way. 

“You know,” she said, pushing herself away from the pillar and taking a step closer to Kara. “I keep finding myself wondering if I’m not still on that plane from Metropolis, and this isn’t just some really elaborate dream I’m going to wake up from at any second. And not becuase of the amnesia or any of that. But because there is no form of reality in which someone as wonderful and selfless as you actually exists.” 

Oh, the yearning was going to kill Kara soon. 

“Well if you do wake up on that plane, be sure to befriend the first female reporter that shows up at your office when you settle into National City. Trust me, you’ll thank me for it later.” 

Lena clasped her hands in front of her, watching Kara closely, biting her lower lip for just a second. 

Just as Kara felt her chest tighten in anticipation that something, anything might happen, a bright flash erupted from behind her. A photographer had stuck around too long outside LCorp, desperate to get an exclusive shot. Lena flinched instantly. 

“Hey!” Kara barked protectively. “Get him out of here!” 

One of the guards rushed out the door to *gently* escort the photographer off the premises.

“Are you okay?” Kara asked gently. 

“Fine. Fine. Thank you...Look. Let me do something for you to make up for today,” she insisted suddenly. “Lunch?” 

Kara narrowed her eyes at Lena, wondering how she was supposed to read this.

“You sure you’re ready for a casual public outing?” she asked. “There’s bound to be more press.” 

Lena shrugged. 

“I can make sure it’s not a problem. Besides, if they get to be too much, I can always call my pal Supergirl and ask her to take care of them for me.”

“Ahaha, right,” Kara said with a nervous laugh. “Supergirl.” 

“Is just as hesitant about the press as I am, apparently.”

“Yeah…” Kara admitted, fidgeting with her glasses. “You aren’t the only one dreading being back in the public eye after some time away. Especially when so many people count on me to be there when they need help and I just...disappeared. It was reckless and selfish to stay away so long.” 

“Hey,” Lena said softly, stepping even closer to Kara so she could clasp her hands in her own. That was happening more and more often. Kara didn’t know how to take it other than with swelling hope. “You needed time away, too. Just becuase I have scars to prove what happened to me doesn’t mean my pain was any more real than yours.” 

Kara found herself tracing patterns onto Lena’s hands with her thumbs. It had been an old habit of hers, the repetition of the motion and the reassurance of Lena’s touch serving as a way to calm her thoughts

“Well I can’t go explaining that to people now, can I?” Kara said, her eyes fixated on their joined hands. “Not without revealing my identity.” 

“Hmm, I suppose you’re right.” Lena paused. “I guess just tell them you got sucked into an alternate dimension. That happens to people like you all the time, right?” 

“That’s...that’s actually not a bad idea,” Kara admitted, finally looking up at Lena with a smile.

“Exactly! Now, come on, I know you’re starving.”

“I’m not…”

“Kara,” Lena said with an amused lightness in her tone. “Your stomach was growling so loud during the press conference I’m surprised the mic’s didn’t pick it up.” 

*

“You’re moping.”

“I am not,” Kara spat.

“You really are.”

“How would you even know that? It’s pitch black down here!” 

Kara tried stubbornly to wriggle herself free again, but to no avail. She and Alex were currently hanging from the ceiling of a cave that neither of them knew the location of, encased in a crystalline substance with strong paralytic qualities that had been, as gross as it sounded, shot at them from the mouth of a large lizard-like creature that had dragged them down here in the first place. 

“I’m your sister. I can sense these things.” 

Kara groaned in a loud, frustrated way that made it sound almost like a bark.

“Fine!” she spat. “I’m moping! And whose fault is that?”

“Once again!” Alex shot back, grunting as she tried to test the movement in her limbs, to no avail. “I am not creating these alien conflicts as some way of keeping you from being with Lena!”

“I know! I know,” Kara sighed, trying to adjust her eyes to the darkness to see if there was anything down here that she could use to free herself. “I would have had this thing locked up already if it weren’t for all those reporters and photographers  _ distracting _ me. It’s bad enough they almost ruined out date by crowding around the restaurant.”

“So we’re calling it a date now?” Alex asked.

“Hey. I know her, Alex. I know what her friend hangouts look like, and I know what her dates look like. And that was a  _ date _ .” 

“It was just lunch, Kara.”

“Yeah. Lunch  _ date _ . Why else did she reserve the whole restaurant and bring security to keep the press at bay just so we could be alone? Especially considering that I told her that’s what she did on our first first date? Hmm?  _ Date _ .”

“Oh my God,  _ fine _ , I’m sorry that I interrupted your lunch  _ date _ . But this was kind of important!” 

Hanging from the ceiling, Kara did not have gravity on her side in order to laser beam something loose to knock them free. The creature had also been smart enough to encase Kara’s head up to the ears so she had no range of motion in order to freeze the substance. Not that she could move her head if she wanted to. 

“I would just like to say,” Kara spat. “That if we die before I even get Lena to make out with me again, I am going to be such a pain in your ass in the afterlife.”

“Make out, Kara? Seriously? Are you fourteen?” 

“Shut up! You can do whatever you want with your wife, she hasn’t suddenly hit the reset button on your relationship like my wife has!” 

“Are you kidding? I have a three year old. Do you even know the last time me and Kelly had a chance to fool around without Hannah interrupting somehow? Don’t lecture me about blue balls, Kara.”

“Hey! You-” Kara went suddenly silent. 

They both had heard it. A loud rumbling noise from deep within the cave. 

“Why does this feel exactly like that scene from Star Wars with that big snow monster?” Alex asked dryly. 

“Shh!” Kara insisted, and tried to breathe as quietly as possible as she used her X-ray vision to see just how far away this thing was from them. 

“Fifty yards and gaining.”

“Okay,” Alex said with a huff of breath. “Let’s just...evaluate our options. Weapons?” 

“Stuck in the goo. Trackers?”

“I don’t know how many feet down we are. The DEO loses signal at anything greater than thirty feet below ground. So...someone might know we are and come rescue us. Or might not. I have no way of knowing. Powers?” 

“Freeze breath is useless. Strength is null and void with the paralytic.” Kara checked for the creature again. “Thirty yards and gaining...the only thing that I can do is laser beam this thing once it gets close enough, but I would only have one shot before it figured me out and gooed my eyes shut or something else equally gross.” 

Both the girls groaned in frustration.

“If only I could refract the light of the beam somehow to hit this stuff we’re stuck in…wait…” 

On the opposite wall of the cave was a natural metal deposit. Kara didn’t know what it was, but it was shiny and, under the right circumstances, might be reflective enough…

Without the time to weigh her options, Kara melted the metal with her heat vision until it formed a puddle of shiny liquid on the ground, then froze it until it was one solid, metallic hunk. Unable to cross her fingers, she could only pray to Rao that her plan would work, as she shot the metal with her laser vision. The light bounced off the metal and hit just above her shoulder. Kara cried out in pain, but it freed her left arm, which dangled uselessly in front of her as the paralytic slowly, too slowly, wore off. She shifted her sight and hit the metal again with a laser, again, and then again, until she had carved about 80% of the crystals away from her body, which was more than a little worse for wear from all the refracted beams that had missed their mark. 

10 yards. 

She screamed out, motivating herself as best as she could to make her almost useless limbs propel her out of the substance until she fell to the ground with a hard thud. She had just enough time to free Alex with a more calculated laser fire before she was sent flying by the strike of a strong reptilian arm into a large stalagmite on the opposite side of the cave. Kara fell limp against it, still barely able to make use of her limbs. 

Alex laid motionless on the ground below where she had been suspended. The creature made its way to her, large club-like feet making the ground shake with each step. 

“Hey Lizard Lips!” Kara called in an attempt at a diversion. “Over here!” 

The creature turned. Kara’s limbs shook as she pushed herself into a crouching position. 

“Don’t you know Kryptonians taste way better than humans?” 

“Kara,” Alex warned. 

“Just focus on trying to grab your gun!” Kara hissed as the thing started to barrel towards her. 

Kara shot a beam of heat at it, but it had learned from their last scuffle that got them here to duck out of the way any time she focused her sight on him. Kara rolled herself backwards ungracefully like a three year old learning to tumble in gymnastics. She could see Alex in the corner of her vision trying again and again to get her arms to work long enough to pull her gun out of its holster. Kara tried to fry the creature again, and then again, but it ducked the beams every time. Then Kara tried to use her freeze breath, and nailed it in the arm. The creature screeched in two distinct, dissonant tones. It glared at her through slit, all black eyes, and with it’s non-frozen arm, sent kara flying again into another wall of the cave before she could pull her body away from the assault.

“Alex, you got it, right?” Kara asked exasperatedly, rolling over onto her chest with a grunt, knowing the sun was too far away to help her heal. 

“Almost,” Alex said, the gun now out of the holster but she could barely get her hands to grip it. 

Disoriented, Kara didn’t even have a chance to counter the next hit that sent her rocketing so hard into the ceiling of the cave that it rumbled like it might collapse. 

“Alex!” she croaked, feeling like she might have a broken rib. 

The lizard picked Kara up by the ankle. She threw everything she could at it, but it tossed her around like a ragdoll so aggressively that none of her shots landed where they should have and missed it every time. The creature whacked her around the walls of the cave like she was something stuck to it’s hand and it was desperate to be rid of. With each hit she felt her consciousness slipping from her.

“Got it, got it, got it,” Alex yelled desperately. “ _ DROP _ !” 

With the last of her energy she had, Kara used her free leg to kick away from the arm of the creature that was gripping her ankle, and she pushed off of it until she broke free, clattering to the ground and crouching low to avoid Alex’s onslaught of shots from her gun that barraged into the reptile until it finally collapsed to the ground, lifeless.

“Supergirl?” Alex said desperately, crawling as best as she could over to her sister to try and care for her. 

“That...sucked,” Kara panted, struggling to stay awake. “I really...was fine with...being retired.” 

“I know,” Alex replied into the dirt.

The ceiling quaked and rumbled. Too much damage had been done to the cave. It was going to collapse. 

“Grab on,” Kara said as she wiped the blood from her lip.

“But you can barely move.” 

“I said grab on! We don’t have time to argue!” 

Alex pulled herself closer to Kara until she could grip her waist, and with a self-motivating shout, Kara punched her way up through the ceiling with Alex in tow until they reached the surface, where Kara deposited Alex safely and rolled onto her back, promptly blacking out. 

When she came to, she was being held up by J’onn as they touched down outside the DEO. 

“Let's get you taken care of, Supergirl,” he said, but it was almost instantly drowned out by an aggravatingly familiar sound. 

“Supergirl! Supergirl!” shouted a couple of reporters to her left. “What brought you out of hiding? Where have you been? Supergirl! What happened today?” 

“Oh, I have had  _ enough _ of this crap today,” she moaned, shrugging J’onn off so she wouldn’t look weak in front of them, though there probably were already a few choice shots of her looking haggard and half conscious. 

“Supergirl,” J’onn said caringly. “Just come inside. Don’t worry about them.” 

“No,” she insisted stubbornly. “I’m fine. I have to go.”

“But-” 

She didn’t take the time to listen to J’onn’s coercions or pleadings. She was already taking off towards her apartment to get away from the press.

And to make sure Lena wasn’t upset with her for bailing on their date. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey! I'm sneaky and made an exclusively TSwift playlist for this fic before updating again. I already went back into the previous chapters and added them into the summaries. But if you aren't feeling a re-read but want to listen along as you read, here's the songs so far:  
Last Kiss  
Soon You'll Get Better  
I Forgot That You Existed  
Forever And Always  
All Too Well  
Death By A Thousand Cuts  
I Wish You Would  
It's Nice To Have A Friend  
The Lucky One  
I Know Places
> 
> Each chapter will add 1 or 2 songs to the list. TBH i should shout out i-am-robie for this cuz I meant to write her a reputation inspired fic like a year ago and never did it. Sorry, dude. Hope this makes up for it. Even if you hate me for Eliza's characterization LOL. 
> 
> Now I REALLY mean it when I say I can't promise a swift (HEH) update, seeing as I work retail in the winter and...yeah...retail around the holidays...big fat nope. But I can give ya a teaser about what's to come, and that's...how do we feel about a reigncorp shoutout??????
> 
> Love yinz!  
-Tess


	7. Bruises Both Seen and Unseen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Can you see right through me?"  
Playlist songs:  
The Archer  
Jump Then Fall

  
  


Lena was sitting at the kitchen table, chewing on her thumbnail, pretending to read some spreadsheets of the last quarter’s numbers from LCorp to get caught up before facing the wolves on the board tomorrow morning. But she wasn’t absorbing any of what she was reading. She was too preoccupied with being a nervous wreck wondering if Kara was okay. 

Was this what it had been like before the accident? Lena dragging Kara to public events neither of them wanted to go to, offset only by Kara dashing off to risk her life in the face of some new foe? 

How had the stress not killed them yet? 

Lena was jumpy and unable to relax. Every noise that she heard, every creak in the floor or every gust of wind, was Kara coming back to the apartment safe and sound. Until, of course, it wasn’t, and she’d go right back to worrying.

The whole superhero gig had sounded so exciting in theory. When Kara had told Lena the details of her heroics that one long night, it was like listening to a great story teller. The tales were rich and detailed enough to feel real but fantastical enough to feel like fiction. But now Lena had to accept that this was, in fact, all very real. The stories were real. The monsters, villains, and dozens of near death experiences were all real. 

And Lena had to decide if she could handle that.

Lena tried flipping through several news channels hoping for some sort of update on how things had gone. But as she was beginning to realize, the media either didn’t know or didn’t care what had happened to the Girl Of Steel unless it was a big enough news story to interrupt all the gossip and politics. Evidently, if the world wasn’t ending, or if Supergirl hadn’t had a wardrobe mishap, it didn’t matter. Talk about under appreciated.

Lena conceded to her anxieties, and picked up her phone to call Alex and find out just what the  _ hell _ was going on, seeing as Kara had left the restaurant in such a flustered hurry that she had forgotten her phone. Just before Lena hit the call button, she heard the window behind her opening, and she spun around to see Kara leaning against the windowsill as if she didn’t have the strength to hold herself up. She saw the bruises. Then she saw Kara collapse into the apartment.

“Kara?” Lena exclaimed, rushing over to the blonde hold her up as she let go of her tight grip on the windowsill, which now had a hand sized chunk broken out of it. “Jesus Christ, what happened to you?” 

“Picture the monster from the beginning of Empire Strikes Back,” she said, out of breath. “But a giant lizard.” 

“You’re kidding, right?” 

“I wish I was!” Kara said with a hollow laugh, leaning on Lena heavily as she guided Kara to the couch. 

The sun had just gone down, so she was healing slower than normal. If Lena understood the science right, that is. Either way, the result was that the bruises that covered almost every visible inch of her skin, along with her busted lip, were not quick to heal.

Lena sat Kara down gingerly on the couch, noticing the way she flinched when she bent down. Broken ribs, probably. 

“What do you need?” Lena asked, trying to hide the high pitched panic in her voice. 

“Uh...there’s some ice packs in the freezer. And the medicine bottle in the fridge that looks like it’s glowing? Grab that, too.” 

Lena got up to retrieve the items as quickly as she could, grimacing at the eerie yellow glow from the bottle in the fridge, and wondering how she hadn’t noticed it before. She picked it up gingerly, as if it might burn her hand.

“Thanks,” Kara said when Lena had returned with the items.

With shaking hands, Kara opened the pill bottle, tapping in against her palm until two of the iridescent capsules plopped into her hand. Then she hastily swallowed them faster than Lena could get her to notice that she was holding out a glass of water to wash them down with, which Kara gulped down greedily after the fact. 

Kara then took the ice packs, placing them on the back of her neck, lower back, and then her chest, grimacing over the last one. Definitely broken ribs. Kara looked to Lena, saw how carefully she was watching her, how disturbed she seemed by her condition, and tried to plaster on a smile. 

“Just give it a second to kick in,” Kara said. 

And she was right. Within a moment, Lena could see Kara’s wounds fading and beginning to heal; her breathing went from jagged and short to long and deep as her ribs began to mend.

“Dare I ask?” Lena asked, gesturing to the pill bottle. 

“Hmm,” Kara murmured as laid her head against the back against the couch, utterly exhausted. “Sun caps. LCorp specialty.”

“I designed these?” Lena said in surprise, picking up the bottle to look at them more closely.

“Well, yeah. They give me a little heartburn, but it definitely beats being stuck under the sun lamps at the DEO for hours at a time.” 

“And we’re not accidentally leaking radiation into the apartment by keeping them in the fridge?” 

Kara chuckled, shaking her head. 

“No. You tested them extensively.” Her face faltered in reaction to Lena’s persisting dismay over the scene she had created with her entrance. “Sorry,” Kara said, wincing as she moved to make room for Lena to sit next to her on the couch. “I was hoping to ease you into this part.”

“You mean the part where you almost get killed on a daily basis?” Lena said, sitting on the arm of the couch like a perched bird, her anxieties keeping her from daring to come any closer to Kara.

Kara shrugged meekly. 

“Not exactly on a  _ daily _ basis,” she said. “Alex always described it to Kelly like being married to a cop or a firefighter. You just never know what you’re going to get into from one day to the next.” 

“And Kelly is fine with that? Considering their daughter and everything?”

Kara frowned.

“They manage. Alex takes a back seat on the action a lot more than she used to. But she tends to jump in when she thinks I’m in danger. Which. Is silly. Because I can handle myself just fine.”

“Clearly,” Lena said, giving Kara a once over look that was more like a silent reprimand. 

“Oh, come on. Look,” Kara said, initiating some unseen sequence that caused the suit to collapse into itself and condense into nothingness, revealing a pair of black boy shorts and a form fitting white tank top beneath it. The bruises truly had covered her whole body, but as Lena watched the suit dissapear, she also watched the bruises yellow and then fade as if they had never even been there. “See?” Kara said, sitting up with fresh vigor and showing off her nearly healed biceps. “All good.”

“Kara,” Lena said warily.

Kara sighed, realizing that her sunny optimism wasn’t going to be enough to wash the concern away from Lena’s mind.

“I’m sorry,” she said. “I should have stayed at the DEO and healed up there instead of bursting in like that and making a scene. I wasn’t thinking. I guess I was so preoccupied wondering if you were mad at me for skipping out on you earlier that coming home was the only thing on my mind.”

Lena shook her head, and then she watched herself let a daring hand reach out and rest a hand on Kara’s knee. She couldn’t help it. Something about Kara in that tank top and shorts, and how Lena knew that if she wanted to touch Kara that she would eagerly let her, made it hard for Lena to keep her hands in her own lap where they ought to be.

“Well I’d hate to think that you worrying about our date allowed for some big lizard to get in a couple extra shots,” she said.

“Uh, lizard with paralytic spit,” Kara replied. “So, no I was sort of screwed no matter what. But hey, at least I was right.”

“About what?” 

“About lunch being a date?” Kara said, scooching closer to Lena with a smile that was so genuine and charming that Lena could barely look her in the eye without becoming overwhelmed. She became even more so when she realized that Kara’s movements had caused Lena’s hand to shift from Kara’s knee to further up her thigh. 

Lena felt her cheeks suddenly flush, silently damning her own fair complexion for always giving her emotions away. Not knowing what else to do with herself and too many emotions at once, Lena got up off the couch, grabbing her water glass so she could refill it for Kara. 

Lena stared at the running water for a moment, collecting herself. She could feel Kara’s gaze on her. And she wasn’t surprised when Kara got up to follow Lena.

“Okay,” Kara said. “What happened? What did I do?” 

Lena shook her head with a perplexed laugh.

“You didn’t do anything, Kara, except be this...perfect, world saving, charming…” she cut herself off before she could divulge any more of what she was feeling deep down, shutting off the tap with a hard thunk against the knob. “I just wonder how I’ve lived with this all this time. This...fear.”

“What are you afraid of, Lena?” Kara asked gently, sitting in a bar stool across from the kitchen island where Lena was isolating herself, bringing herself back into Lena’s field of vision so she was forced to look at her. 

_ Of myself,  _ Lena thought.  _ Of this. Of  _ you _ .  _

“Are you kidding, Kara?” Lena burst out all at once, succumbing to a sudden wave of frustration. “I’m afraid of what you are. Of what it means for you to be  _ you _ . I’m afraid of what you put yourself through out of some duty you feel you have to the city, the  _ world _ even, becuase of these abilities that you have.” 

“Lena…” Kara said carefully. “Would you have me just ignore it all? Would you rather I don’t do anything to help anyone just becuase I  _ might _ get hurt?” 

“I don’t know! Maybe!” Lena sighed, plopping into a kitchen island chair across from Kara. “Doesn’t it bother you to feel so obligated all the time? Don’t you wish you didn’t have to risk your life on a regular basis just to make other people happy?”

Kara blinked, silent for a moment. 

“Not as much as it bothers you, apparently,” she finally said.

“Apparently,” Lena breathed in reply.

“Is it any different than your sense of obligation to make the world a better place becuase you have the brains to make it possible?” 

“That’s not fair,” Lena spat. 

“Yes, it is,” Kara said with a slump of her shoulders that seemed so common and familiar that Lena couldn’t help but wonder just how many times they had had this exact argument. “Look, Lena. You and I both have the ability to make the world better and safer. And that comes with drawbacks on both ends. But that’s why this does,  _ did _ , work. It’s...it’s supposed to be what helps us understand each other. It’s what brings us closer, not what pulls us apart.” 

“I’m not trying to...” Lena took a deep breath. “It was just a shock to see you like that.” 

“Yeah, I know the feeling.” 

Lena swallowed hard, reminded once again that she had no idea what Kara went through after Lena’s accident. But if this was even a fraction of what she felt right now, she didn’t know how Kara got through it. 

“That’s the point, I guess, isn’t it?” Kara asked, more to herself than to Lena. “I know what it’s like to lose people I care about. To watch them get hurt and not be able to do anything about it. I know far too well. And I don’t want anyone to have to feel that kind of grief. Ever. So, if getting roughed up a little here and there means I can keep that from happening to other people, then it’s worth it.” 

Lena felt her eyes mist over, finally understanding something so tragic about Kara that she had only ever seen before in herself.

“You can’t save everyone, Kara. You know that, right?” 

“I can try,” she said without hesitation. 

Lena shook her head helplessly, knowing despite her efforts that you can’t use logic to talk someone out of their beliefs. It’s what made Lex evil, and it was evidently what made Kara so good.

Biting her lower lip, Kara got up and walked to the other side of the kitchen island, standing a pace away from Lena, resting her hip against the counter. Lena found herself staring, first at Kara’s broad shoulders, then at the way the fabric of her tank top clung to her toned stomach, then to her hips, then her thighs… “Look I-” Kara said, pulling Lena out of her trance. “I’m not going to sugar coat this for you. What I do...it isn’t easy or safe. I can handle myself, most of the time, but there are times that I wonder if I’ve finally pushed myself too far. And it’s not easy to care about someone with a life like that. I’ve seen what it’s done to Alex, how it’s made her so protective of me. I’ve seen what it’s done to Kelly. And I...I feel like we’ve been making progress in our relationship these past few days. But that doesn’t mean I expect you to just get over your anxieties about my job. If it’s something you can’t handle...I’ll understand. But I hope you can, becuase being able to come home to you...it’s what has kept me fighting, even on the worst days.” 

Lena could see Kara’s eyes begin to glisten, and then she watched her lower her eyes to her hands that fidgeted together as a way to distract from her swell of emotion Kara was failing to hide.

Lena felt like the wind had been knocked out of her lungs.

*

“So you’re...psychic?” 

Nia shrugged. 

“Close enough. So. Are you comfortable with me poking around in your memories?” 

“I’m not even comfortable poking around my own memories. But I can try to be after you sign that.” 

Nia sighed heavily, looking down to the non-disclosure agreement Lena had set on the coffee table of her apartment in front of Nia for her to sign. 

“Is this really necessary?” 

“It absolutely is, yes,” Lena replied without missing a beat. 

Shaking her head, Nia took the pen in her hand and signed the NDA. Lena snatched it up as soon as it was signed, looked it over, and then nodded resolutely at it.

“Good. Kelly?” 

“Mmhmm,” Kelly said, dropping her signed form on top of Nia’s without hesitation. 

She liked Kelly.

“Perfect. Okay,” Lena said, and brought her hands together in her lap, closing her eyes expectantly and leaning against the back of her couch. “Do your worst.” 

“You might be more comfortable if you lie down,” Nia said. 

“Key word being  _ ‘might’ _ ,” Lena replied.

“Humor is a great defense mechanism, isn’t it?” Kelly said dryly. 

Lena blinked, surprised at Kelly’s quick and efficient ability to disarm her. She always did like sharp ones, didn’t she? Still, Lena resigned to lay back as instructed, sinking into the couch uneasily. 

“There you go,” Kelly said. “So. Just to give you a quick summary of how this will work. We are going to do what is called regression therapy. I will assist you into a more suggestive state of hypnosis. The reason for bringing you to this point is to relax your mind and body enough that we can get to a kind of ‘clean slate’ point of consciousness that gives you the freedom to look for memories that as of right now are lost. It is important for me to note that memory is not simply files you can play like old home videos. Memory is…”

“The parts of your brain in charge of smell, sight, sound, and emotion separately recreating what was experienced during the event that became coded as a memory.”

“Right,” Kelly said with an ease that suggested that she was used to Lena being just as knowledgeable as herself on whatever topic she was speaking about. “So. Think of it as your brain performing a play. We just have to find the script.” 

Lena heard Nia clear her throat loudly.

“Sorry,” Nia said blankly, “You guys are just, like, way too technical for me.” 

“Oh, hush,” Kelly said jokingly. “Now. Once we get you to the point of a more suggestible state, I will continue to be your guide through your subconscious, however Nia here will assist by doing some looking around to see if any memory can’t be more easily coaxed out of hiding. Do you have any questions?” 

“Yeah,” Lena said, “can’t you just give me a healthy dose of electroshock therapy and be done with it?” 

“That or lobotomy. Dealer’s choice,” Nia replied nonchalantly as she settled into her chair behind Lena’s head. 

“Ha!” Lena replied with a dry bark of a laugh at Nia’s joke. “I’m sure there’s plenty of people who’d like to see that happen.”

“Girls,” Kelly scolded. 

“Right, right, sorry,” Nia said, closing her eyes and resting a gentle hand on each of Lena’s temples. Lena flinched at the touch for a moment. She couldn’t help it, she was never good at being touched by anyone. 

Except Kara, apparently. Which was an interesting development. 

Was that why Lena was doing this? For Kara? Was wanting to go back to being someone who could care for Kara without being held back by fear and hesitation what drove her to finally call Kelly and ask for her help? 

“Okay, Lena,” Kelly said in a suddenly soothing tone. “I am going to count back from ten…” 

*

Kara thrummed her fingers nervously against her desk. Yes, her desk. She was back at work for the first time since the accident. Lena had insisted on it. Her exact words were “You need to stop prioritizing my life over yours and get out of the apartment already.” 

So Kara did. She went back to CatCo. And while she knew she was bound to be a little rusty, she was still frustrated with herself. She barely had any clue what everyone was talking about when they did a run down of current events that morning. Life just kept chugging along, with or without you, Kara supposed.

So, Kara volunteered to copy edit for awhile until she felt confident enough to do some of her own reporting. But she could barely even manage that. Not when she was desperately anxious waiting for an update on how Lena’s hypnosis had gone. In a perfect world, Lena would show up at the office, tell her that she was back, she remembered it all, and that she loved her and had missed her. They’d have a big romantic kiss. Everyone would clap...

But this world was anything but perfect. And Kara just hoped they could bring back even one small something,  _ anything, _ out of the fog of Lena’s mind. 

Kara’s phone buzzed next to her keyboard. She nearly jumped out of her chair when she heard it. She grabbed it, tapping the “answer call” icon so hard that she cracked the screen. 

“Damn it, not again,” she muttered to herself, and brought the phone to her ear. “Kelly? How’d it go?” 

“Uh…” 

Kara’s heart sank. 

There was a tapping on the end of Kara’s desk. She turned, and saw Nia standing there with an apprehensive expression. 

“Nia? Hey.” 

“Oh good, she can tell you then. Bye!”

Kelly hung up abruptly. Kara grimaced at the phone, and put it, shattered-screen facing down, onto the desk.

“Did she remember  _ anything _ ?” Kara asked Nia desperately. 

“ _ Ugh _ , Kelly promised she would tell you!” Nia paused to compose herself. “Okay. Well. I mean...no, she didn’t...but! That doesn’t mean that she won’t…”

Kara let her head fall against her desk, feeling defeated. 

“Kara. Just listen, okay?” Nia consoled, crouching down beside Kara so she was at eye level. “It’s not that the memories are gone. I can feel them in her mind, somewhere. But trying to find them...it’s like trying to navigate through a thick fog. One minute we were in her past before National City, and everything was clear, and the next I felt like I was suddenly blind. I think there’s a chance that we can still get her memories back but...it’s not going to be quick or easy. It’s going to take time. More time than I can even try to guess.”

  
  


Kara was putting all of her focus into steadying her breathing so Nia couldn’t hear it trembling. 

“Is she okay?” Kara asked softly.

“I don’t know. She sort of left the apartment in a hurry after we pulled her out of the hypnosis. Said something about having work to do.” 

“Alright,” Kara breathed. “Thank you, both of you, for all your help.”

“Just,” Nia said, touching Kara’s shoulder reassuringly. “Don’t lose hope, okay?”

“I won’t,” Kara said, unsure if she was lying or not.

*

It was eight o’clock in the evening before Kara had finally had enough. Lena was hiding out, burying herself in her work, like she always did when she didn’t want to deal with whatever was on her mind. 

But Kara had never been good at giving Lena her space when she was hurting. 

Kara touched down on the balcony of Lena’s office, eyes fixed on Lena as she sat in front of her computer with her head in her hands, a glass of water next to her where a glass of scotch normally would be. At least she was still following the doctor’s orders. 

Kara approached the glass door, remembering that her impromptu arrivals were not commonplace to Lena yet before just entering unannounced. Instead, she tapped against the glass as softly as she could. Lena jumped at the unexpected noise, spinning her chair around to see Kara standing there. Lena’s face fell for just a fraction of a second before Lena managed to conjure an empty smile. Kara opened the glass door and entered the office. 

“Hi,” she said softly. 

“Hey,” Lena replied, turning back towards her computer and away from Kara. 

“Long day?” 

“You could say that.” Lena’s jaw visibly clenched. “You?” 

“Hmm, I’m not writing anything Pulitzer worthy yet, that’s for sure.”

“It will come back to you, I’m sure. And, um, what about your other job? Any new evil foes to fight?”

Kara shrugged. 

“No. It’s been pretty quiet, actually. Quiet enough that I thought I’d swing by and see what you were up to. It’s getting late, you know.” 

She was working towards something. Lena could feel it. 

“Let me guess,” she said, not wanting to avoid the inevitable any longer. “Nia or Kelly told you what happened?” 

“Well...”

“Despite the fact that I had them sign NDA’s?” 

“Those don’t count towards spouses.” 

“It does if the spouse hasn’t signed an NDA of her own.” 

“Good thing I have signed one, then. It’s been a few years since I looked at it, but I’m pretty sure it’s valid for another couple of years.” 

Lena laughed darkly. 

“Of course it is.” She sighed, and clicked off the screen of her computer, turning back to Kara. “Fine. Then you know that it’s hopeless.”

“It’s not hopeless.” 

“No? Then what would you call it?” 

Kara frowned, and moved to sit on the edge of Lena’s desk, looking down at her sympathetically. 

“Lena. What do you call the first serious test of an experimental treatment or tech?”

“A trial.”

“Right. So? This was trial 1. And it didn’t work. So. We just regroup and work towards the second trial. And if that doesn’t work, we go to trial 3. And we keep going. For as long as we need to.”

“And if the results are always the same?” 

“Then...we record the results, and create a different theory to test.” 

Lena shook her head. 

“Guess I rubbed off a little on you over the years.”

Kara smiled in a way that made her nose scrunch up. It was cute, and entirely unfair. 

“Maybe a little,” Kara teased. 

Lena leaned back in her office chair, bringing a hand to hear aching head.

“I’m sorry, Kara.” 

“You have nothing to apologize for,” she said.

Lena nodded, acknowledging that Kara was, in her own way, working towards accepting the current situation. The fact that Kara was still so kind and unassuming made this somehow hurt more than if she would finally give up on Lena. Lena focused her gaze past the glass wall behind her desk to the cityscape outside that was still largely unfamiliar to her. 

“I know it was foolish to think everything would come back on the first try. But I couldn’t help but be hopeful. I couldn’t help but think how much easier things would be if you had your wife back.” 

“Lena,” Kara murmured.

“It’s not just forgetting you, or us, that’s getting to me,” Lena vented, still looking out at the city lights beyond them, avoiding eye contact with Kara. “I tried my hardest today to act like I knew what was going on with this company. I tried to play the part. But it just feels like I’m failing at everything. I’m so busy trying to fake it that I can’t even be good at what I do. And I know I can be. But not when I have so much to juggle at once.” 

“What do you need to help?” 

Lena looked at Kara finally, but only through the reflection of the glass. Without really thinking about it, Lena extended a hand out to her. Kara took it, and they both silently considered the reflection of their conjoined hands hanging casually between them. 

“If I just had someone at LCorp that I could trust,” Lena thought out loud. “Someone who understands the business enough to help me navigate through all of the things I’ve missed without causing any suspicion.”

Kara thought a moment, biting her lower lip. And then an idea popped into her head. One that she wished hadn’t, becuase it was about to make things a lot more complicated.

“I know who can help you,” she said. “But I’m not gonna like it.” 

“You mean  _ I’m _ not gonna like it?”

“Nope,” Kara said, releasing Lena’s hand from her grip. “I meant me.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!!!!  
I could leave yall hanging about who Kara is gonna call. But I don't wanna do that bc REIGNCORP SIDELINE RIIIIISE. For the record, I am fucking psychic, bc I wrote Sam in before I even knew they were bringing her back. And I'm really excited bc I fucking miss her.  
ANYHOW, please kudos, comment, and subscribe! You know how much I love hearing from you guys. I really wanna know what you think of the story so far!!  
Love yinz,  
Tess


	8. Wrenches are for Fixing and for Throwing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Faster than the wind, passionate as sin ending so suddenly..."  
Playlist:  
Red  
I Knew You Were Trouble

Lena’s palms were sweating. God, why were her palms sweating? It’s not like she had anything to be nervous about. 

_ “Mrs. Luthor-Danvers?”  _

“God!” Lena exclaimed, nearly jumping out of her skin as her secretary paged her through the phone. “Don’t  _ do _ that!”

_ “Sorry. But, uh, Ms. Arias is here.”  _

Lena felt her stomach flip, but she tried to ignore it. 

“Right. Okay. Send her in,” she said as neutrally as she could manage, smoothing out the wrinkles on her blouse. 

The last time Lena had seen Sam, that she could remember, was when she was gathering up her clothes off the floor of Sam’s bedroom. She had decided to end their barely-in-control affair before it ruined both of their careers. And she decided that while sneaking off in the night wasn’t the most mature way to go about it, it was probably for the best. But the thought of walking away from the best fuck she’d ever had made Lena question her devotion to her work for the first time in her life. She allowed herself one last look at Sam’s face, in a deep serene sleep, before Lena snuck out of the apartment and never spoke of their relationship to anyone. Not even Sam. 

Now, the door handle clicked open softly, and Sam stepped into the office, looking around a bit before finally letting her eyes land on Lena, who realized she was holding her breath. 

“Hi, Lena,” Sam said casually, slipping her hands into the pockets of her dress pants. Her stance and demeanor more confident than was fair.

“Hi,” Lena replied, wishing she could pour herself a glass of scotch, even if only to hold it and let the familiar weight and feel of the glass in her hand soothe her nerves. 

Sam took a single, tentative step towards Lena’s desk, knowing her well enough to know when she needed distance.

“I suppose,” Sam began, “That I should start by apologizing. I should have come to National City sooner to see how you were doing. I mean, I visited when you were still in the hospital, but...you obviously wouldn’t know that.”

Lena shrugged, finding it hard to look Sam in the eye.

“That’s alright,” she said. “I didn’t expect anything.” 

“Right. Why  _ would _ someone expect one of their closest friends to stay in touch or even visit on occasion?” 

Lena bristled in response to Sam’s words. Okay. She probably deserved that. 

“So I haven’t gotten any better at that?”

“Not really, no.”

“Noted,” Lena said with a nod.

A painful silence fell over them. Lena was desperate to fill it before the memories did. 

“So,” Lena finally said, swiveling her chair back and forth anxiously. “Kara filled you in on the situation?” 

“Oh.” Sam said, perhaps regretful that Lena wanted to move so swiftly into business talk. She moved to sit in the chair across Lena’s desk. “Yeah. She did. And I’m sorry, Lena, for what you’re going through. I can’t imagine…” 

Lena put up a hand, a silent request for Sam not to start in with the pity. Lena wouldn’t be able to stand it. 

“Right,” Sam said with a resolute nod. “Anyway, I just wanted you to know that I’m here to help with whatever you need.” 

“Look, I don’t want you to feel obligated, I would hate to think that you dropped everything just to come out here.”

“Not at all. There’s nothing to drop. Not really. I cashed out a lot of my stock in the company I work for and have been sort of enjoying a semi-retirement lately.” 

Lena blinked, bewildered. 

“Semi-retirement? Seriously?” 

“Yeah. What’s wrong with that?” Sam asked.

“Nothing. I just…I suppose I’m wondering what happened to the Sam Arias I met who was the only person in a boardroom more cutthroat and married to her work than I was?” 

Sam shrugged.

“She changed. People do that from time to time, you know. Especially when life changing, or in my case, near-life  _ ending _ events occur. I decided after Ruby went to college that I would start doing what I wanted to do instead of what I felt I had to do. Too strong a sense of duty can be a miserable thing.” 

Lena knew that Sam was shooting another pointed statement at her, but she was too distracted to really let it sink in.

“Holy shit, Ruby is in  _ college _ ?” Lena said in bewilderment.

Sam beamed proudly. 

“Yep. Top of her class, unsurprisingly.” 

“God,” Lena said, leaning back into her chair. “The last time I saw her she was...well, last time I  _ remember _ seeing her…”

“She was just a little thing. Yeah, I know.” 

“Fuck,” Lena said, indulging in swearing more than she usually did because it had always come naturally to her when Sam was around. Either in casual conversation or when they had been wrapped around each other…

_ Stop it, Lena,  _ she scolded herself. 

“You know,” Lena said, pushing past her own ridiculous hang ups. “Of all the things I’ve had to grapple with when it comes to this whole amnesia thing, I think it’s the passage of time that gets to me the most. It’s not just that I missed things. It’s that one day I was twenty-something and both me and all my friends were young and desperate to find their place in the world, and suddenly I’m in my thirties and I’m running the family company. My fucking  _ thirties,  _ Sam. Like...that is not fair. At  _ all _ .” 

“So you really don’t remember  _ anything _ from the past seven years?” Sam asked.

“Not a thing,” Lena admitted with a sigh, her mind clicking back into focus of why Sam was here in the first place. “If anyone found out I’d be ruined.” 

“That’s a bit pessimistic, don’t you think?” 

Lena shrugged.

“Pessimism never failed me before,” she said.

Sam gave Lena an unimpressed look. 

“Whatever you say,” Sam said. 

“Okay,  _ fine _ ,” Lena replied, feeling her shoulders slump as the familiarity of their conversation began to loose the tension she had been holding within them. “Maybe I wouldn’t be  _ ruined _ . But it certainly wouldn’t make regaining my grip on this company any easier. I’d take a tank full of hungry sharks over that board room upstairs any day.” 

“Please,” Sam said. “If all the PR disasters you’ve had since you took over haven’t dethroned you from LCorp yet, I don’t think  _ anything _ will.” 

Lena raised a suspicious eyebrow at Sam, wondering what exactly she meant by that. Sam’s eyes widened, realizing she did not want to say what she had said. 

“Nevermind. Anyway,” Sam rushed, “Like I said. I’m here for you. I handled this beast of a company once before, and I will gladly do it again.”

“Right. Kara said that I asked you to help run LCorp a few years ago?” 

“You did.” 

“No offense, but why did I think that was a good idea?” 

Sam laughed, used to Lena’s bluntness enough to not be phased by it anymore. 

“Well, you had recently bought CatCo and didn’t want to try and split your time between two CEO roles.” 

“Right. Yeah. Kara mentioned that CatCo thing. Why, um, why would I do that? Prioritize a tabloid magazine over LCorp, I mean?” 

Sam chuckled, more to herself than at Lena.

“Well, if anyone asked you, you’d say it was a good way to put your influence into the media for the benefit of LCorp. But, if you ask me, you did it to impress a girl.”

“You mean Kara?” Lena asked cooly.

Sam leaned forward, picking up a picture frame at the corner of Lena’s desk and pushing it towards Lena. Contained in the frame was a picture of Lena and Kara, another wedding photo, this one with Kara seemingly whispering something into Lena’s ear, and Lena laughing with a deep blush on her cheeks as the result of whatever she had said.

“Yes, I obviously mean Kara,” Sam said blankly.

“Hmm…” Lena said, swiveling slightly away from Sam, and the picture, as she thought on things.

“So how has that been going?” Sam asked

“How’s what been going?”

“Oh, I don’t know. Waking up from a coma with a super hot wife who is completely head over heels for you? If I remember right, before you two met, you were never the committed relationship type. Or the open and honest about your sexuality type, for that matter.” 

Lena bit the inside of her cheek, glancing at Sam and trying to decide if she was going to scold her for that comment or not. Instead she only rested heavily against the back of her chair. 

“You’re right,” Lena said. “I’m not. You know I nearly had a panic attack right before doing a press conference with Kara? I kept expecting, I don’t know, someone in the crowd to lash out at us for just existing together. And when no one did, it was perplexing but...empowering at the same time.” 

Lena paused, glancing at the picture again, wondering if she had ever seen a picture of herself where she had looked so...carefree. 

“I finally have enough sway in the world to be who I always was,” she continued. “I don’t have to hide anymore.” She finally looked away from the picture and back at Sam. “It would probably feel more like a personal victory if I was actually  _ with _ Kara.” 

Sam blinked. 

“Excuse me? You’re not?”

Lena sighed, looking at Sam directly for the first time since she’d walked into the room. 

“Sam...I don’t  _ know _ Kara. As far as I know, we just met a few weeks ago.” 

Sam stared at Lena incredulously, and then shook her head. 

“ _ God _ , this is so  _ weird _ ,” Sam said exasperatedly. “One second you two are like something out of a fucking Hallmark movie, and the next...I mean, you have to understand by now, Lena, how in  _ love _ you two were before all of this happened. No one else  _ existed _ to you when she was around. Not even…” 

Sam stopped herself short. Lena felt like her chest was weighed down; deep under water. They both knew without having to say it that she was going to finish that sentence with “me”. 

“Yeah. It seems so,” Lena said softly.

She saw Sam’s jaw muscles tense as she swallowed past things unsaid.

“And you don’t feel that way now?” Sam asked.

Lena rolled her eyes, unwittingly showing annoyance with the question that she had been asking herself so many times in her mind that it was beginning to make her crazy. 

“Kara is…” she began, “sweet. And impossibly kind. And she understands me in a way that I am honestly blindsided by at least ten times a day. And she...she’s been so amazingly supportive throughout this whole thing no matter how I reacted to or rejected her affections. And she has this way of looking at me with those big blue eyes that…” 

Just as Lena felt her breath catching in her throat, she looked over at Sam, who was looking back at her with a smirk. 

“What?” Lena asked. 

“You’re gushing,” Sam said. 

“I am  _ not _ .”

“Oh. Okay, you’re not. My mistake.” 

“Oh-” Lena punctuated her frustration by tossing a pen in the direction of Sam’s face. Sam swatted it away with a playful laugh. 

This was good. This was easy. This was the first thing that had felt truly familiar, had truly sparked memory to Lena since she had woken up. She wanted to cling to their light banter like a life jacket and let all the other complications fall away. 

“Okay. So,” Sam inquired. “What’s the problem, then? You  _ clearly _ feel something for her. So why not-”

“What? Just be her  _ wife _ ? Jesus, Sam. Is that something you’d be okay with? If you met someone you thought that  _ maybe _ you could have feelings for, would you just go ahead and dive into the happily ever after right then and there?” 

“Are you the person I’d be happily ever after with in this hypothetical?” 

Lena’s eyes snapped up at Sam, who took a selfish moment to let her own gaze hover over Lena’s lips. 

“Don’t, Sam.” 

Sam shrugged in a way that inferred that she knew Lena was going to be unhappy with her comment and that she had chosen to say it anyway.

“Sorry,” she said. “Old habits and all.” Sam paused. “Can I just say one thing, though?” 

“What?” Lena asked.

“I understand your hesitation. Kara is  _ so _ in love with you. If you got involved with her without being sure about it...and if you changed your mind...it would crush her." 

Lena’s mind felt like it was splitting in two. One train of thought going down the path of memories with Sam from when Lena had been indulgent enough to be honest about who she was and how she felt. She wondered how much of Sam’s understanding of Kara’s potential heartbreak was from personal experience. The other thought tiptoed down a path that wondered if Kara’s hesitation to recommend Sam’s assistance had been for reasons more concrete than causal jealousy. 

“Sam, we haven’t...since I’ve been married to Kara…have we?”

“Are you asking if you’ve ever cheated on Kara with me?” Sam asked. “No.  _ Hell _ no. Kara was... the end all be all for you once you two got together. But, to be fair, before you two were done pretending you weren’t  _ pathetically _ in love with each other, there was one other time that we…”

Sam let out a slow, purposeful exhale, looking beyond Lena to some old memory. 

“I shouldn’t even be talking about this,” Sam said, bringing herself back to reality. “It not going to do any good and it’s not why I’m here.”

“No…” Lena said gently. “It could actually help. You never know which memory might be the one that helps break up the fog. That’s what everyone keeps telling me, anyway.” 

  
Sam bit her lower lip, looking at Lena as she decided what to do. Lena wished she wouldn’t bite her lip like that...

“Fine,” Sam said, getting up from her chair and moving away from Lena and towards the dry bar like she needed as much space and as much liquor as she could get in order to talk about this specific chapter of their past. “It was a year after you’d moved to National City,” Sam said as she poured herself a drink. “And I had agreed to help you run L-Corp…”

*

Kara tapped her pen against her desk rapidly, not really noticing that she was doing it as she stared at a blank screen on her computer. She was  _ supposed _ to be writing something,  _ anything _ , to distract her from wondering how Sam and Lena’s meeting was going. She was clearly failing.

“Kara?” a voice to her right asked. She looked up to see Nia leaning away from her own computer to look at Kara and her tapping pen. “That’s  _ super _ annoying.” 

“Right,” Kara said, dropping the pen from her grip. “Sorry.”

“Everything alright?” Nia asked. 

“Yeah,” Kara sighed. “I just...I don’t know if I made the right decision asking Sam to come help with Lena.”

“Hmm, yeah,” Nia mused. “I mean, if I were you, the last thing I would want to do is ask my wife’s ex to come work closely alongside her while you’re still trying to mend your marriage.”

Kara swiveled her chair to look Nia straight on, glaring at her. 

“Sorry,” Nia said, shrinking under Kara’s gaze. “I’m sure it will be fine!” 

“Uh huh,” Kara said coldly, and turned slowly back to her computer. 

“Are you really that worried about it?” 

“I don’t know,” Kara said as she tapped out a byline, as if that would magically make her article write itself. “Maybe? I mean, I never had a reason to be jealous of Sam. She never tried to get between Lena and I. And we are friends. But...Lena remembers  _ their _ relationship and not ours. So. It’s maybe a  _ little _ concerning. At the end of the day, I can’t make Lena love me just because she did before. She can love whoever she wants,” she picked up the pen to start tapping it again. “Even if it’s not me.”

Nia groaned. Loudly. 

“What?” Kara asked. 

“You are so  _ dramatic _ ,” she said in a very fed up tone. “Look. It doesn’t take an idiot to see that Lena cares about you. If she didn’t, she wouldn’t be trying so hard to keep you close.”

“She’s just doing that because of the press...”

“ _ Bullshit _ ,” Nia snapped. “As far as I’m concerned, she wants it to be you she ends up with at the end of this story of yours. But instead of doing something about that, you’re moping and surrendering to silly jealousies. And the Kara I know does  _ not _ surrender. Now, you’re not kidding anyone with that empty word document. So why don’t you get out of here and go back to showing that woman exactly who she fell for. Huh? I’ll cover for you.” 

Kara tilted her head, considering Nia and her suggestion. 

“You sure?” she asked, looking around to see everyone doing real work while she, yes, admittedly, moped. 

“I’m sure. Get out of here.” 

Kara bit her lip in thought, then let the pen in her hand fall uselessly on the desk before she got up and gave Nia a painfully tight hug.

“Thank you,” Kara said into Nia’s hair.

“Yeah, yeah,” Nia said, sputtering past the tightness of Kara’s embrace. “Get going, Supergirl.”

*

A moment later, Kara was touching down on the balcony of Lena’s office. Neither Lena nor Sam saw or heard her arrive. If they had, maybe they wouldn’t have been sitting so close looking down over a spread out paperwork they were pouring over, Sam with her arm slung carelessly on the back of Lena’s chair, Lena tilting her head back to laugh at some joke Sam had said. Her neck exposed from the high collar of her suit jacket. Sam took a moment to admire it, leaning closer like she was being pulled in by Lena’s gravity. 

_ She picked me, huh? _ Kara thought bitterly to herself before she opened the balcony door and let herself into the office. Lena jumped and turned to see Kara. Sam barely flinched. 

“Uh...Supergirl! Hi!” she struggled, looking between Kara in her super suit and Sam, who casually shut the report book she was looking at and turned to smile at Kara. “What, uh, brings you by?” Her eyes seemed to fill with dread at the sight of Kara in her suit, likely remembering the last time. “Is everything okay? Are you okay?”

“Me? Oh! Yeah. I’m fine. I just can’t fly around without the suit on. Secret identity and all. I just, uh, wanted to see how you two were faring.”

“Oh, um…” Lena looked back at Sam. “Well I don’t know why you, uh, Supergirl, would be concerned with, um…”

“Lena,” Sam said gently. “It’s okay. I know that’s Kara.”

“Wait, what? What do you…” Lena looked between the two of them, and dropped the act. “Since when?”

Kara felt her cheeks go hot for a multitude of reasons, but mainly becuase she felt bad that she had neglected to mention that Sam was aware of her identity.

“Hiding things from friends never ended well for me,” Kara said. “So I don’t do it anymore.”

“Really?” Lena said, bristling slightly. “So you don’t count hiding the fact that Sam was possessed by some megalomaniacal parasite while she was interim CEO of LCorp?” she said, tone neutral and unreadable.

Kara blinked, caught off guard. Sam gave Kara an apologetic look, realizing too late that she had made a false step in the minefield of their precarious relationship. 

“It wasn’t my secret to tell,” Kara said earnestly. “I didn’t want to bring up painful parts of Sam’s past that she wanted to forget. Some things are...better left forgotten.” 

“Not when they involve me, Kara. Not when it could help me remember.” 

God, if only Lena knew the extent of what Kara was keeping hidden about her past…

The look on Sam’s face said that she was thinking the same thing. Kara had been clear about her wish to leave that ugly chapter of their lives unopened. She could only hope that Sam would keep her word. 

“Don’t be mad at Kara, Lena, please,” Sam insisted suddenly. “She was just trying to be a good friend. I’m glad she left it to me to control the narrative of that part of my past.”

Lena looked Sam in the eye for a long moment, and then softened. Sam had wasted no time reclaiming her pull on Lena’s emotions, Kara noted silently…

“I actually just stopped by to see if you wanted to join me for lunch, Lena,” Kara said. “Take a breather, ya know?” 

“Oh, well…” Lena said, faltering. “It’s just...Sam and I are making a lot of progress. I don’t want to break our concentration.”

Kara swallowed visibly. Sam made a show of looking busy with the paperwork, clearly uncomfortable at being in the middle of the tension between the two wives. 

“I see.” She cleared her throat, feeling wholly unwelcome in her wife’s office. “No problem,” she said with a forced smile. “I get it. Work comes first. I’ll just see what Alex is up to, I guess.” 

She turned to leave before she said or did anything to make this any worse. 

“Wait, Kara!” Lena called after her as she got out of her chair and walked towards her. Kara spun around far too eagerly. “Look, I-”

Sam cleared her throat behind them.

“You know what?” Sam said, inching towards the door. “I’m gonna go grab some some coffee. You two stay here and...yeah.”

The sound of the door clicking behind Sam was the only sound that broke up the now intensely quiet office.

“I get it, you know,” Lena said, breaking the silence between them. “Why you didn’t want to tell me about Reign. Besides trying to be respectful of Sam.” 

Lena reached out and placed a hand on Kara’s forearm. Kara watched her delicate fingers trace their way up and down the pattern of the suit, like she was trying to memorize the feel of it. 

“Sam and I were...close during that time. And I get why that would bother you.”

“It doesn’t,” Kara insisted. “But like I said, it wasn’t my story to tell.” 

Lena gave her a look that said that she wasn’t buying it.

“Alright,” Kara conceded. “I guess a part of me didn’t want to tell you about your history with Sam. For the record, though, I’ve never had to be jealous of Sam. She’s your friend. She’s  _ my _ friend. And I’ve always respected the connection you two have. But...things are different now. And I guess I felt insecure.” Kara sighed. “I find myself feeling insecure about a lot of things recently.”

“Okay,” Lena said, understanding. “Can I say something that might help?” she asked. 

“Sure.” 

“You did a good and unselfish thing by asking Sam to help, knowing everything you know,” Lena said, squeezing Kara’s arm affectionately for good measure. “And I admire you for that; for your ability to put the needs of the people you care about above everything else.” 

Kara smiled. 

“Okay. That helps. You can keep saying things like that.” 

Lena laughed softly, raising her hand to brush against Kara’s chin, lifting Kara’s face so she would look Lena in the eye. “I will. Over dinner tonight? There are some things I really need to get done today, but after that, I want us to spend some time together. We can go wherever you want. My treat. As a thank you for everything you’ve done.”

“That’s not necessary, Lena.”

“Yes, it is,” Lena insisted firmly. Her hand had not left Kara’s face. Lena’s thumb and pointer finger cradled Kara’s chin with a soft sense of possession and purpose. Kara felt her cheeks go hot again. “You are a truly wonderful person, Kara. And I would be lost without your help. So. I’ll meet you at seven. Okay?” 

_ Kiss her, Kara, _ she thought. _ Just kiss her. Kiss her before you explode… _

“Okay. Seven it is, then,” Kara said, her voice a croak as her nerves got the best of her.

*

Kara sat at the bar of the restaurant they had decided on, nursing a glass of wine as she waited for Lena to arrive. As if alcohol was able to still her nerves like it did for humans. Still, it was something to do other than fidget and watch the door anxiously. 

Someone cleared their throat next to her. Kara looked over and saw some unimpressive man in an ill-fitting suit watching her closely. 

“You here alone?” he asked. 

“No,” she snapped. 

The man raised a hand in submission.

“Alright. Point taken. You just  _ looked _ alone, is all. And I thought I might be nice enough to offer you some company. But...wait, you look familiar.” 

“I should hope she does,” a familiar voice said behind her. 

The man turned to see Lena glaring at him. 

“She is a pulitzer prize winning journalist, after all. And my  _ wife _ .” 

A mixture of realization and embarrassment washed over the man’s face as he realized who was addressing him.

“Right. Sorry,” he said, getting up and all but fleeing the scene as Lena continued to bore into him with unforgiving eyes. 

“ _ That _ was satisfying,” she said with a smug smirk as she leaned against the bar next to Kara. “Hello, by the way.” 

“Hi,” Kara replied, hiding a silly grin behind her wine glass. 

“You look beautiful,” Lena said in that low tone of voice that sent a shiver up Kara’s spine. 

“Oh, please.” she said through a nervous laugh, waving Lena’s comment off as if she hadn’t spent an hour in her closet looking for the perfect dress. 

“Oh, take the compliment, Danvers,” another voice said from behind them.

Kara turned, and her smile fell. 

“Sam?” she asked. “I didn’t...uh…”

“She’s right. You look phenomenal,” Sam said with that effortless confidence she always seemed to have. Kara envied it to no end. 

“Are you...planning on joining us?” 

“What? No. I’ve taken up enough of Lena’s time today,” she said casually. “Lena’s driver had to leave early becuase his daughter got sent home for school with the flu. And she told me about her anxiety about driving, so I offered to give her a ride here.” 

“Lena, you could have called me…” Kara said, sounding disappointed. 

“No, no, this is good, anyhow,” Lena insisted. “Now Sam can pitch you her idea. Right Sam?” 

“I don’t want to intrude…” Sam said uneasily. 

“It’s not an intrusion. It will just take a minute. Right?” 

“Uh,” Sam said, seeming just as uncomfortable as Kara. “Okay, yeah. Sure. So um, not to be blunt but…” she said, sitting down at the barstool next to Kara. 

Lena remained standing, beaming down at both of them. Kara couldn’t tell if she was clueless to the tense vibes being given off, or if she was just stubbornly playing dumb to get Sam and Kara on the same team again. 

“So the only thing the public has seen of Lena since the accident was that press conference. Which, no offense, but if you were looking to convince people that you were your same old self? You failed.”

“I thought it went great,” Kara said stubbornly.

“Kara, she barely looked at the crowd. She looked like a hostage.” 

“Okay, well,  _ Sam _ ,” Kara could hear the defensive tone of her voice. But she couldn’t help it when it came to Lena. “She couldn’t help that the flashing lights bothered her. People can learn to be a little more sympathetic.” 

“And they will. After you two throw this gala.” 

“What gala?”

“Sam thought we should host a charity gala for the local EMS services. As a thank you for saving my life. Isn’t that a great idea? Think of how much money we could raise!”

“Or you could just write them a check...save yourself the stress of a public appearance. It’s not like you haven’t done it before.” 

“That’s not gonna be enough, Kara,” Sam said carefully. “Look, I know you might not like it, but people need to see Lena back to her old self. They need to the old Luthor spectacle Lena is so renowned for. And besides, this would be a totally controlled environment. Exclusive guest list, limited reporters, whatever kind of menu you want, which I know you’ll appreciate, Kara.” 

“It’s a good idea, Kara,” Lena urged. 

Kara bit her lower lip. She probably would have been fine with the idea, if it hadn’t been Sam’s, and if it wasn’t being propositioned to her while she was  _ supposed _ to be on a date with her wife. 

“Alright,” Kara conceded. “Let’s do it.” 

“Great. I’ll get the ball rolling then. See you tomorrow, Lena.” 

“You sure you don’t want to stick around, Sam?” Kara asked, smile too wide to be genuine. “Maybe you should join us for dinner. You must be starved after all the  _ work _ you two got done today.” 

Kara heard Sam’s heartbeat pick up slightly. She wasn’t necessarily going out of her way to intimidate Sam, but she was also fine with the fact that it was working. 

“No, I’m good,” Sam said, getting up from her stool at the bar. “Have a nice evening, ladies.” 

After she had left, Lena gave Kara a pointed look, but she didn’t voice whatever it was she was thinking.

“Kara?” she asked after a moment.

“Yeah?”

“You can come to that gala, right?” 

Kara sighed heavily, wanting so badly to be able to see past her insecurity long enough to see that Lena really was trying.

“Of course,” Kara said.

“Good. Becuase I can’t do this without you, you know.” 

Kara smiled. 

  
“Come on,” she said, getting up to lead them to their table. “I’m  _ starving _ .” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sam is my pot stirring, kinda horny fave, and also the wielder of like half a dozen plot building devices. Gotta love her. 
> 
> Next chap is gonna be a little steamy. There's just too much tension building to avoid it anymore!!
> 
> Be sure to leave kudos and comments if you're enjoying the story, and subscribe so you can keep up on the updates!
> 
> Love yinz,  
Tess


	9. The Longest Goddamn Chapter in This Story

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "All of this silence and patience, pining and anticipation, my hands are shaking from holding back from you..."  
Playlist:  
Dress  
Dancing With Our Hands Tied  
Come In With the Rain

“Kara, where do I keep my watches?” Lena asked as she rifled through random drawers in their bedroom.

“What?” she heard Kara ask as her voice and footsteps moved closer to the bedroom. 

“Watches,” Lena reiterated. “I’m not gonna be happy with this look without a big, clunky watch to go with it. Maybe it’s…” 

Lena opened the second drawer down of the nightstand on the right side of the bed just as Kara stepped into the doorway. 

“Not in there!” Kara pleaded, but it was too late. 

Lena had opened the drawer only to discover a vast display of sex toys stashed within it. With a shocked chuckle, she turned around with the drawer still open to give Kara an inquisitive look, one eyebrow raised. 

“Uh…” Kara said, eyes wide. “That’s not where you keep your watches.”

“Clearly,” Lena said, looking back down into the drawer with piqued curiosity. There certainly was a  _ variety _ . She couldn’t even guess what a couple of them were supposed to do...

Lena pulled out an elaborate looking strap on. 

“Yours?” she asked playfully. 

“I mean…” Kara said, her face turning bright crimson as she stuttered a bit. “We usually share most of them. Although, I am partial to the…” she cleared her throat loudly. “You know what? It’s not important.” 

Kara rushed over to the nightstand, snapping the drawer shut just as Lena was able to yank her hand away. 

“You keep your watches in that white box in the closet,” Kara said, turning away to hide the burning red on her face.

“Okay. Thanks,” Lena replied, deflating. 

Kara had been on guard since Sam had come back into their lives, whether she had realized that Lena noticed it or not. Lena could try and put herself in Kara’s shoes, and think about how she would feel if she were her. Frankly the fact that she hadn’t given up on Lena yet was a miracle. She didn’t think she would be able to tolerate being on Kara’s end of this deal. Lena thought, not for the first time, that the two of them ebbed and flowed towards and away from each other like the tide. One second she felt herself being pulled in, ready to crash into Kara, and the next something was dragging them apart. She wished that it wasn’t so on brand for her to be impossible to get close to for long. 

Lena took a moment to look at Kara as she crouched in front of the bedroom vanity mirror, touching up her makeup. It was a shame she had to hide those beautiful blue eyes, which were currently framed in earthy tones and subtle but sharp eyeliner, behind her glasses all the time for the sake of her identity. It was also a shame that her hair was pulled up into a braided bun on the top of her head instead of the loose curls Lena had gotten so used to admiring. But she also didn’t mind the way it accentuated her slender neck and sharp jawline...

Lena was, to be completely honest, frustrated. Not just emotionally, but also physically. In  _ that _ way. And who wouldn’t be? She went to work and spent the day in close proximity with Sam in the same way she had been when they had mixed business and pleasure with reckless abandon. Then Lena came home and felt the pull of attraction towards Kara that she wanted to be able to give into already. But she was afraid of how high Kara’s expectations would be in regards to their relationship if Lena pushed them any closer together. 

To put it simply, Lena was horny as shit. And now, here she was, trying to remain calm as she grappled with the fact that she had been sleeping next to an armory of sex toys this whole time. And that amongst them, Kara had a favorite...

“You okay?” Kara asked, pulling her out of her thoughts.

“Yeah, why?”

“You’re staring,” she said simply as she made a swipe of red lipstick onto her bottom lip, locking eyes with Lena through the reflection of the mirror.

“Right, sorry. I’m just, um...thinking.” 

“About what?” Kara said with a hopefulness in her voice that cut Lena to the core.

“I’d say sex toys but you’re gonna get all flustered on me again.” 

Kara put down her lipstick before she smeared it in response to Lena’s teasing. 

“I’m not...flustered,” Kara said. 

“I mean, it’s not like it’s something you should be embarrassed about. It’s healthy to experiment in the bedroom.”

“ _ Lena _ ,” Kara groaned, haphazardly powdering the blush on her face.

Lena liked the sound of Kara saying her name in that kind of tone, she had to admit. She wanted to hear it over and over again... 

_ Fuck _ , she thought desperately. She had been trying to tease Kara to bring her spirits up. But now she couldn’t stop thinking about what she would look like wearing that strap-on and nothing else…

Why was she keeping Kara at a distance again? 

Still in a robe, Lena moved to rummage through her collection of watches and then grabbed the outfit she had picked out for the evening. It was new. Galas such as this were strictly a new-designer-exclusive outfit kind of event. And it was a beauty. She had been delighted when she had tried it on at the designer’s, saw the deep blue fabric wrap around her so closely that for the first time since she’d woken up, she had appreciated the affects age and maturity had had on her. The neckline was lower than she would have dared when the scars from the accidents were new, but now it made her feel powerful and sexy and…

She couldn’t help but think about Kara when she looked at it, wondering whether she would like it on her.

Lena’s eyes flickered to Kara for a moment as she decided if she should change in the bathroom or wait for Kara to leave before she disrobed. Then she saw Kara look at her through the mirror, saw the way she looked at the dress, then at Lena, as she licked her lips. 

“Do you need help?” Kara asked softly. 

Lena gulped past a nervous tightening in her throat.

“Uh. Sure. Thanks.”

Kara stood up straight and walked slowly towards Lena, trying not to look her in the eye because they both knew it would make everything feel like Too Much. Lena felt her own hands working independently as they tugged at the tie holding her robe together. She forced herself to slow her breathing, turning away from Kara as the robe fell open and exposed her breasts. Lena reached for the dress, and as she pulled it off the hanger, the robe fell away from her body. 

Without a word, Kara took the dress from Lena’s grip and stood in front of her, letting her eyes take a long once over of Lena’s body. If it were anyone else looking at Lena like this, she would have been self conscious about being so exposed. But the knowledge that Kara had seen her this way many times before was...freeing, in a way. It’s not that Lena had ever been ashamed of her body, but she’d never seen anyone look at it like  _ that _ before either. Without having to say a word, Kara managed to convey in a lingering look that she had once worshipped every inch of her, and would be eager to do so again if and when Lena let her. 

The thought was enough to all but knock the wind out of Lena’s lungs and send a rush of heat to the pit of her stomach. 

In a reverent silence, Kara she held out a hand for Lena to support herself with as she stepped into the dress. Lena moved to reach down and pull it up onto her shoulders, but before she could, Kara placed a staying hand on her side. Her grip was firm and her fingertips soft against Lena’s bare skin. Lena couldn’t tell if she was holding her breath or if she had forgotten how to breathe altogether. Lena turned her head to see the reflection of the two of them in the mirror. Kara turned her head to look the same way, and together they silently considered the sight of it: Kara holding Lena’s dress loosely around her hips, her chest fully exposed. And then Lena noticed something in their reflection that was enough to somehow distract her from the near unbearable tension at hand. 

“What is that?” she asked. “On my lower back. Is that...a tattoo?” 

“Yeah...you didn’t notice that before now?”

“I haven’t been able to turn my neck this much before now, so no. What is it?” 

Kara sighed, turning Lena with a gentle touch so she was facing away from her and more towards the mirror.

“It’s Kryptonian,” she said, staring at the marks on Lena’s body through the mirror with an admiring gaze that made Lena’s mouth go dry. 

“Your idea, then?” Lena asked. Or squeaked, more accurately.

“No, actually. You had it done a couple months before the wedding to surprise me.” 

Lena blinked.

“I know Kryptonian?”

Kara nodded. Whether she was fully aware of herself or not, Kara had started tracing the alien script on Lena’s skin with her index finger. Lena hoped the way that she shuddered in response wasn’t too obvious. 

“You did, at least. You used to leave me little notes around the house in it. You even recited your vows in both languages.” 

Kara cleared her throat like she was pulling herself out of a trance, and moved to pull the dress up and help Lena into the sleeves.

“Hang on,” Lena said, turning her back more towards the mirror again so she could get a better look, which incidentally meant that she was now facing Kara straight on, still totally unclothed from the waist up. “What does it say?” 

Kara let out a shaky sigh. 

“There’s no real word in English for it. But loosely translated, it means ‘forever yours’. It’s something we used to say to each other when ‘I love you’ didn’t feel like enough.” 

“Oh,” Lena said, trying not to let the weight of the words on her skin paralyze her. “On my lower back, though? Isn’t that a little…tacky?”

When Kara laughed in response, it was heady and deep and made Lena want to melt. 

“That’s half the reason you wanted it. Always finding little ways to push against that prim and proper upbringing of yours.”

“I see...” Lena said, and looked away from the ink on her back so that she could look Kara straight on, only to become uselessly overwhelmed by how close they were and how much more Kara was covered up in comparison.

“Turn,” Kara instructed, gesturing for Lena to face away from her again so she could finish helping her with her dress. 

Lena exhaled shakily as she obliged, appreciative of the break in the moment before it swallowed her whole. 

Lena felt Kara’s hands slide down her back and trace the tattoo again, just briefly, before she gripped the zipper and dragged it slowly up Lena’s back. Goosebumps formed everywhere Kara touched. Lena’s eyes fluttered shut, realizing how much she yearned to be touched. When Kara had brought the zipper all the way to the top of the dress, she pulled Lena’s hair to one side. She could feel Kara’s breath on her neck as she breathed in her perfume. Lena let herself lean into Kara’s touch, let herself press against her for one indulgent moment.

“Kara?” she said even before she thought to will herself to speak. 

“Yes, Lena?” 

Kara’s lips grazing her neck when she spoke made Lena want it all. She wanted to miss her own gala, feel that stupidly expensive gown flutter to the floor after being ripped off, and brace her hands against the mirror so she could see Kara fucking her...

And then she, disaster that she was, heard Sam’s voice in her head. 

_ “If you changed your mind...it would crush her.” _

Lena pulled away suddenly, grabbing her watch and fumbling with the clasp, her hands shaky and useless. 

“We should get going soon,” she said, a weak excuse for an interrupted moment. 

“Right,” Kara said, visibly disappointed as she turned towards the door. “Okay.” 

_ What are you doing, Lena?  _ She scolded herself as she watched Kara leave the room.

*

_ Okay. _

_ Ban on flash photography? Check.  _

_ Room full of deep pocketed elites? Check. _

_ As many potstickers as I can eat? Check. Check. And... _ Kara grabbed another one from the tray... _ check.  _

_ Mixed emotions because Lena and I had a moment earlier?  _

_ ...Check.  _

Kara took a fourth potsticker off the tray next to her for good measure. There was a small chance that she was eating her feelings. It just felt like they had gotten so close to  _ something _ . Something that Kara had been dying to have since Lena woke up. And then she blinked, and it was over, like nothing had happened. 

Why did she have to blink?

Kara had felt a rekindling of hope when they first arrived. Half an hour late to their own function, which was the norm for them. Let everyone else arrive first so all eyes were on them when they walked in the door. Kara had always lived for those entrances, if she was being honest. There was always a moment, just before the doors were opened and they walked in together arm in arm, when Lena would wrap her arm around Kara, pull her in close, tell her how much she loved her and how beautiful she looked, right before she did something cheeky like grab her ass or bite her neck to make sure Kara was flustered just as their arrival was announced. 

But Kara’s hope was dashed away when instead, they stood in awkward silence, Lena keeping her hands joined firmly in front of her instead of on Kara’s body where they belonged. The doors had opened, Lena hastily took Kara’s arm, and they walked in with painted on smiles. 

But they  _ had _ shared a moment, dammit. And Kara wasn’t just going to let it slip away. As the photographers crowded in towards them, Kara leaned in close to Lena.

“Lena?” she whispered, her lips nearly brushing Lena’s ear.

“Hmm?” she replied as she smiled for the cameras, though Kara didn’t miss the way she blinked rapidly in response to their sudden closeness. 

“Dance with me?” 

Lena’s eyelashes fluttered together, showing as subtly as possible that the question had caught her off guard. Before she could object, Kara held out her hand for Lena to take. 

“Come on,” she said with a wink, “they’ll eat it up.” 

Lena glanced at the photographers, and then back at Kara. 

“Okay. Sure,” she said with a coy smile.

Lena took Kara’s outstretched hand and let her lead them towards the dance floor that a few couples were already making use of, Nia and Brainy included. His dancing had gotten a lot better since all the lessons he insisted on taking for “research purposes”. With the arrival of the guests of honor, the band struck up a new song, a bit jazzier than the one before, which was exactly what Kara needed. She made a show of twirling Lena around in front of her. Lena laughed lightly in response as she spun before Kara pulled her in, placing a hand on the small of Lena’s back as they began to dance. 

The cameras, as Kara had promised, ate it up. 

“Not bad for a Kryptonian,” Lena said as she fell easily in step with Kara. 

She gave Lena a smug grin.

“What? You think aliens don’t dance?” 

“I don’t assume anyone has learned to ballroom dance unless it’s forced onto them at stuffy boarding schools.” 

“Well, it’s easier than you think, if you have the right partner.” 

Lena gave her a daring smirk. 

“Hmm,” she said. “And do you usually lead?” 

Kara spun Lena again and pulled her back in, closer than she had dared before. 

“Depends on the dance,” Kara replied with a wink. 

“Little early in the night for double entendres, don’t you think?” Lena asked, feeling a blush creep on her cheeks.

“You started it.” 

That elicited a laugh from Lena. It made Kara’s heart swell.

They made a few more turns around the dance floor, falling into an easy rhythm and coordination with each other, before the music changed to something slower. Kara pressed her hand more firmly into the small of Lena’s back and Lena moved in closer to her without hesitation, like she was guided by muscle memory. Kara moved her other hand to the back of Lena’s neck, getting lost in her curls. 

“You look stunning, by the way,” Kara said. “Did I mention that?” 

She didn’t miss the blush that formed on Lena’s cheeks.

“Thank you Kara. I’d be a fool not to say the same of you. That dress is…”

Kara shrugged innocently as Lena’s words dropped off.

“You wore blue, so I wore red. It’s kind of our thing.” 

“Well,” Lena replied, her eyes seeming to struggle to stay on Kara’s face and away from the dip of her neckline. “It’s a shame we have all this art to try auction off since you’re easily the most beautiful thing in this room.” 

Kara blinked in surprise.

“Why Lena Luthor, was that a line?” 

Lena grinned.

“Well, you walked into it so perfectly.” 

“Hmm,” Kara mused with a delighted smile. Her eyes wandered around the dance floor a bit until they landed on Nia and Brainy, who were watching them like eager matchmakers. 

“Get it,” Nia mouthed playfully.

Kara shooed off her comment with a lighthearted glare. But Nia wasn’t the only one looking. This was Lena’s event, after all, and her guests were eager to see her after months of her being out of the spotlight. 

Lena seemed to pick up on Kara’s sudden distraction, and she looked around to notice the same room full of curious eyes that Kara had perceived. The music stopped as the band announced a ten minute break. Kara felt Lena’s body stiffen slightly. 

“And here I almost let myself forget that there was anyone else here. I need to…”

“What?” Kara asked gently. 

“I need to mingle a bit. Feed the sharks with some empty conversation and forced smiles. Why don’t you go catch up with Alex and your friends?” 

“Or I could just join you,” Kara suggested hopefully. 

Lena looked at her silently for a moment. And Kara knew that look. She was withdrawing into herself again, letting the weight of her responsibilities form around her like iron walls. It had taken years for Kara to convince Lena that she didn’t have to bear her burdens alone. But that knowledge had been unlearned just like everything else in the blink of an eye.

Lena took one of Kara’s hand, raised it to her mouth and kissed it affectionately. 

“One of us should be able to enjoy ourselves. Go on. I’ll find you in a little while.”

Lena lost herself in the crowd before Kara could further protest, leaving her reeling from the sudden shift in their dynamic.

She had been so close. 

With a slump of her shoulders, Kara grabbed another handful of potstickers from the nearest tray and found her sister, standing next to her with little more than a nod of recognition.

“You’re moping again,” Alex said over her champagne class. 

“Shut up,” Kara spat, shoving food into her mouth. 

Kara scanned the room, looking for Lena. She had Sam had really outdone themselves with this event, Kara had to admit. It was being held at National City’s Modern Art Museum, which was ingenious, because it guaranteed that no one would be permitted to use flash photography, even if they wanted to. Sam had worked her magic to get some of the city’s most notable artists to donate original pieces to auction off for the fundraiser, which, with nothing better to do, she and Alex had taken some time to stop and look at. And the pieces were all beautiful. Strange, stark, and startling, but beautiful. 

But none of it was the beauty Kara was searching for. The one on her mind had blood red lips and porcelain skin draped in deep blue fabric that cut sinfully low on her neckline. But she continued to elude Kara. When she tried to scan the room for her again, she only managed to find Sam at the bar, gesturing for Kara to come join her. 

“Ugh, Sam wants something, I’ll be right back.”

Alex nearly choked on her drink, eyes darting up to see where Kara was looking. 

“Wait, what? Sam’s here? Since when? Where is she? Ow!” 

Alex rubbed the back of her bicep, which Kelly had pinched. 

“You’re  _ married _ ,” Kelly said. “Remember?” 

“Yes, darling.  _ I know _ . I was just wondering why Kara didn’t mention that she was in town, that’s all. Jeez.” 

Kelly narrowed her eyes at Alex.

“I love you!” Alex said with her signature “you can’t be mad at me because you love me” look.

“Yeah, yeah, love you too,” Kelly replied, still giving her a warning look as she leaned over to kiss Alex on the cheek. 

“To answer your question,” Kara explained. “I asked Sam here to help Lena with work. I’ve regretted it ever since. Be right back.” 

Kara weaved her way through the crowd until she was standing next to Sam.

“You summoned?” she said through a gritted teeth smile as one of the photographers on LCorp’s payroll snapped their picture. 

“Yeah, I did. What do you think you’re doing?” Sam asked, still smiling for the sake of the nearby guests. 

“What do you mean?” Kara asked as she grabbed a glass of champagne. 

She liked the bubbles. 

“I  _ mean _ ,” Sam said, turning away from the crowd so she could give Kara a pointed look. “Half of the reason I put this gala together was so that you and Lena could convince the public that you are as in love as ever. And you can’t even be bothered to greet your guests together.” 

“I’m not...wait. I thought the point of this was to convince the public that Lena was fit to continue running the company.” 

“Exactly. And if there’s one thing that makes people question leadership skills more than brain trauma, it’s a rocky marriage.” 

Kara scoffed. 

“Did you miss the dancing? Nothing about that suggested a rocky marriage.”

Sam conceded to Kara’s point with a nod of her head, but she still looked unconvinced. 

“It was a good start,” Sam said. “But it’s not gonna be enough. Look. You’re Kara and Lena Luthor-Danvers. You’re National City’s darling couple. You two have twelve official and verified fan accounts on twitter.  _ Twelve _ . A bit of dancing isn’t gonna cut it.” 

Kara huffed with exasperation.

“Well what do you want me to do, Sam? Pin her against a wall in front of everyone?”

Sam gave her a  _ look _ . 

“Sam! Seriously?”

“Oh, as if you two didn’t have a reputation of getting caught in the middle of it at events like this all the time. It’s practically expected by your guests at this point. So. I need you two to get a little fresh with each other, and make a  _ show _ of it, before LCorp’s stock takes a free fall.” 

Kara’s eyebrows raised at Sam’s suggestion.

“You’re kidding,” she said. 

“I absolutely am not. I didn’t become one of the youngest female CEOs by making jokes, Kara.” 

“Let me try and understand this. You, Sam Arias.  _ You _ . Are telling me that I need to make a move on Lena?” 

Sam rolled her eyes at Kara, draining her glass and grabbing a fresh one.

“Contrary to what you may have convinced yourself during the emotional turmoil of Lena’s amnesia,” she said. “I am not here to steal your wife. I am here becuase you are my  _ friend _ , and so is Lena. And my  _ friends _ asked for my help. So that’s what I’m trying to do.”

Kara narrowed her eyes at Sam.

“So you’re saying that if Lena decided to leave me tomorrow and showed up on your doorstep, you’d send her away?” 

Sam shrugged nonchalantly.

“Well. Obviously not, Kara. This is Lena we’re talking about after all. And I am human.”

“Are you? I’m not sure we cleared that up for certain after you played house with that planet destroying alien parasite.”

Sam chuckled into her champagne glass before looking Kara straight on again.

“Alright. Low blow. Deserved, but still low.” 

Kara rolled her eyes at Sam. It was the closest thing she could manage to an apology.

“It’s not like I’m not trying, Sam. I’ve been trying to get Lena’s attention all night. But there’s only so much I can do without pushing past her boundaries...You’re not exactly helping the situation.” 

“Oh, come on,” Sam groaned. “ _ I’m _ not the problem here. If we’re being honest with each other, Kara, there’s no scenario, no universe, even, in which Lena picks me over you. And I’ve made my peace with that...even if I still find ways to have my fun. But aside from all that,” Sam said, turning back to the crowd and scanning it as if she had turned people watching into a sport. “Aside from the feelings and the drama and all that crap you two have going on, I need you at this moment to put all that shit aside. Get over yourselves and your angst for five seconds. And  _ sell _ .  _ It _ . Are we clear?” 

Kara blinked, shocked into silence from Sam’s sudden tough love. 

“ _ Fine _ ,” she grumbled. “I’ll go make a move on my wife.” 

“Good,” Sam said with a resolute nod. “Because she’s right over there.”

Sure enough, Kara looked to where Sam had gestured, and saw Lena. Except she was not enduring the small talk of millionaires and philanthropists. No, she was...lining up tequila shots...with the bus boys…

“What happened to ‘mingling with her guests’?” Kara said in a near panic.

Sam, in comparison, didn’t look surprised at all by Lena’s behavior.

“Did you forget that she’s mentally twenty three again?” Sam said with a knowing sigh. “Younger Lena had her  _ moments _ back when I first knew her. Especially when she was stressed. She had been tamed pretty considerably by the time you two met.”

“ _ And _ her doctor just gave her the green light to drink. I gotta get to her before the photographers do.”

“Godspeed, Supergirl,” Sam said dryly, and turned to her right to strike up a lively conversation with a hedge fund heiress next to her as if nothing was amiss. 

Meanwhile, Kara rushed, at a human speed, at least, through the crowd until she caught up with Lena, dashing the shot glass away from her just as she was licking the salt off of her free hand. 

“Hey! Wh-oh. Kara. Hi! Hey! Look, guys, Kara’s here!” She seemingly just now noticed that Kara had taken her shot away. “Hey! Get your own!” 

“Gentleman,” Kara said to the three young employees who were keeping Lena entertained. “Thank you for your wonderful work tonight. But Lena has duties to attend to, and I’m sure you do too. So I must steal my wife away. Have a good evening.”

“Wh-hey!” Lena protested as Kara pulled her away to a smaller side room of the museum with less notable pieces than the ones on display in the main hall. Here, they had some semblance of privacy. “What are you doing?”

“What am I doing? What are  _ you _ doing, Lena? You can’t do...tequila shots with the employees at your charity gala!” 

“Why not? They earned it. Very driven workers, those boys. I’d offer them internships if they had half a brain cell between them.” 

Lena began to crack up at her own joke.

“Ohhhkay,” Kara said. “Uh, Lena? I only left you alone for like, twenty minutes. How much have you had to drink?” 

“Me?” Lena said, feigning innocence. “Only a few glasses of champagne. I did the mingling thing, Kara. I really did. But the staff just kept handing me a new drink every time I finished one! And my tolerance is apparently  _ very _ low after being on the wagon for. Well. How long was I in a coma for, anyway? Hey. Do I have wrinkles?” She asked, stepping closer and tilting her face dramatically from one side to the other so Kara could have a look. “Be honest. Becuase I’m so old now, Kara. Like...so. Old.” 

“You’re only in your thirties, Lena.”

“But that sounds so old to me! God, don’t you feel like we’re just...wasting our lives with all this nonsense?”

“What nonsense?” Kara asked, unsure why she was even trying to follow along with Lena’s tipsy train of thought.

“You know the...the,” Lena struggled. “The work. And the galas. And the press conferences. And the  _ sexless marriage.  _ An issue which I really thought would die with baby boomers, by the way.” 

“Lena,” Kara said helplessly.

Lena’s giddy disposition disappeared just as quickly as it had appeared.

“Oh. I’m sorry, Kara. That’s wasn’t fair. It’s my fault anyway that we don’t...you know…”

Lena was spiraling. And Kara had to pull her out of it fast.

“That’s not important to me right now, Lena.” 

“I mean, it’s not like  _ I’m _ in a sexless marriage,” Lena pressed on as if she hadn’t even heard Kara, hiccupping before speaking again. “You know, because to me it doesn’t feel like we’re married. We’re more like...really complicated roommates. But  _ you _ . I’m keeping you trapped in a sexless marriage because I’m just such a...shit...as  _ usual _ .”

Kara couldn’t do anything but blink at Lena. 

Roommates? Really? 

Lena’s lower lip began to quiver. Kara didn’t want to bulldoze through Lena’s emotions right now, but this wasn’t the time for place for Lena to fall apart, so she had no choice but to grab Lena’s hands and squeeze them, urging her to focus. 

“Okay, Lena? I’m really sorry, but we don’t have time for Sad Drunk Lena to come out right now. So let’s get you some coffee or something and get through this night as fast as we can. And then we can go home and talk or...watch those weird old movies you love so much, or whatever you want. Alright?”

Lena frowned, looking down at their conjoined hands, and then up, searching Kara’s face.

“She gave me the same speech, you know,” Lena said.

“Who?”

“Sam. She gave me the same speech I just saw her give to you. I didn’t have to hear it to know what she was saying. ‘Make the crowd believe you’re in love or risk losing the whole company.’ Yeah. Message received.” 

Kara tapped her thumbs against Lena’s hands, and then released them as disappointment washed over her. She couldn’t help but see their moment earlier at the apartment with a new perspective.

“I see. So is that why you’re so eager to down tequila shots? So you can tolerate pretending to be attracted to me?”

Lena balked, stepping away from Kara with newfound frustration. 

“You really don’t get it, do you?  _ God _ , Kara.” She took a steadying breath. “Okay, yeah. I keep pulling away from you. But how could you ever think that it’s because I don’t want this? That I don’t want  _ you _ ?”

Lena took a sudden step closer to Kara and brought a hand to rest on her cheek. It made Kara’s breath catch in her throat.

“I don’t stay away from you because I don’t want you. I’ve stayed away from you because I want you so damn much that I can barely stand it. But…” Lena sighed. “I want you in a way that a kid wants a toy. And you...you want me in a way that makes artists paint masterpieces and composers write symphonies. And I can’t do this to you, Kara. I can’t just jump into this selfishly when I can’t guarantee that I won’t end up...breaking your heart.”

Kara felt her heart drop into her stomach. Maybe it was motion sickness from the  _ emotional whiplash _ .

“Lena I-I didn’t know…” she stammered.

“I know you didn’t. It’s almost like I was taught my whole life to hide my emotions or something.”

Lena stepped away from Kara again, bringing her hands to her temples. 

As Lena tried to compose herself, Kara had to marvel at how badly she had misinterpreted Lena’s actions up until now. She wanted to stay here, just talk to Lena, hold her, do whatever she had to do to fix this, but duty tugged at her thoughts like an anchor. She took a moment to look out into the main hall and scan the crowd, making sure that no one was watching them. And for the most part, no one was. Except Sam, who, the second Kara locked eyes on her, used her knowledge of Kara’s superhearing to ask her sternly even from across the room:

“Are you two fighting right now?  _ Seriously _ ?”

“Right,” Kara said to herself more than anyone else, and looked back at Lena, who was watching her like a hawk. 

She had to find a way to break the tension. 

“So,” she said. “Kid with a toy, huh?” 

Lena stared at Kara for a moment, before she shook her head, the smallest smile on her teasing the corners of her lips. 

“Shut up. I’m drunk, remember?” 

Lena sighed, peering out from behind the column for a moment to look on at the guests she was neglecting. 

“We need to get back out there,” Lena conceded. “I’m sorry, Kara, for acting so…”

“Don’t apologize, Lena. Not to me. Not about this.” 

“Alright.” Lena sighed, shaking the tension out of her hands and composing herself with a few deep and steadying breaths. “Ready to put on a show?” 

“If you are,” Kara said warily. 

A moment later, they stepped out from their makeshift hiding spot. They were almost instantly met by Sam.

“Lena!” she said, feigning gleeful excitement. “I think these fine people here will start having holes burn through their checkbook wielding pockets if we don’t start auctioning off these beautiful pieces soon. What do you say?”

Lena blinked. 

“Shit, right, the auction” she said, and then covered her mouth, realizing she had cursed. 

“Yeah, the  _ auction _ ,” Sam reiterated with a warning look. “So, why don’t you go ahead up on stage and get the ball rolling? With Kara? Hmm?” 

“Uh, Sam? I don’t know if Lena is up for a…” Kara began to say.

“Right!” Lena interjected. “The stage. Got it. No problem. Come on, Kara.” 

Before she could react, Lena was pulling Kara towards the stage in the center of the room. 

“Hello!” Lena said, leaning heavily enough into the mic that there was a screech of feedback that definitely got the audience’s attention. “Hi. I mean,” Lena cleared her throat, straightening into her more professional Luthor stance. “Good evening. And, uh, thank you for being here tonight for a cause that is so near to my heart. And I mean that literally, I’m pretty sure the good men and women of this city’s central EMS service had to use the defibrillator to shock me back to life at least a couple of times. Right guys?” 

Lena gestured over to several of the EMT supervisors that had been invited as guests of honor for the night. They made a half hearted wave. Uneasy laughter spread throughout the crowd. 

“No? Too morbid? Noted. Scaling it back.” Lena cleared her throat. “Anyhow, I am truly humbled by the support of tonight featured artist’s for their generous donations, and for all of you being in attendance tonight to hopefully pay a  _ stupid _ amount of money for these artist’s work.” 

That got a bit of a better laugh. 

“Although, really, would it be that hard for any wealthy person in this room, myself included, to just be generous without being given silly incentives to do so?” 

No laughter that time. 

What was she  _ doing _ ? 

Kara cleared her throat, a quiet plea for Lena to keep from bashing their guests any further. 

“Right. Sorry,” Lena struggled. “Near death experiences have a way of changing our perspectives, don’t they? But um…” 

Lena sort of just stared at the microphone for a moment, like it might reach out and bite her. 

“I just have to give one more thank you before we start the auction,” she rallied. “And that is to my beautiful, uh,  _ wife. _ Kara. I don’t think I know anyone else on this miserable planet who would take the events of the last few months in such stride as she has. And I am so desperately thankful that she is in my life, now that I’ve been given a second chance at it.” 

Polite but enthusiastic applause erupted. Lena clapped along with the crowd as she turned to face Kara, who was standing to Lena’s right. She held out her hand, gesturing for Kara to take it and join her on the podium. The crowd clapped slightly louder, eager to see their favorite couple together. Kara smiled coyly at the crowd, took Lena’s hand, and allowed herself to be pulled suddenly into Lena’s embrace. Kara laughed at her wife’s candor, seemingly carefree. Lena’s hand snaked around her Kara’s back and pulled her closer still. Her head dipped into the crook of Kara’s neck, her breath hot against her as Lena pretended to be overwhelmed with emotion. 

She was...pretending. Wasn’t she? 

Kara leaned her head back just enough so she could look into Lena’s eyes, and she saw that they were misted over. The hands that gripped Kara began to tremble. 

“I almost died, Kara,” she said softly, careful to keep her voice from being picked up by the mic and keeping a gleeful smile plastered on her face for the sake of the onlookers.

Kara knew all of this had to catch up with Lena eventually. The unprocessed trauma, the fear, the frustration, all of it. But she had thought, perhaps selfishly, that it would catch up with her at a time when they were alone, and Kara would have the freedom to be whatever Lena needed her to be. 

Instead, it was on display for all to see. And Kara had to think of something fast, had to find some kind of bandaid to slap on Lena’s open wounds to get her through the night before she completely fell apart. 

“I know,” Kara said softly. “Come here.” 

Before she could think too much on it, Kara had grasped Lena’s chin, tilted her face towards hers, an open invitation for Lena to choose happened next. Lena looked at the crowd, down at Kara’s mouth, then back into her eyes, and leaned forward. 

And kissed her on the cheek.

_ Okay, _ Kara thought resignedly.  _ A cheek kiss is fine. I can work with this. It… _

That’s as far as Kara’s train of thought could go, because at that moment, Lena abruptly turned her head and pressed her lips against Kara’s. 

They both froze that way for a moment, lips barely touching, Lena’s eyes wide, neither of them quite sure what to do next. And then Lena’s resolve crumbled. Her eyes fluttered shut, and she kissed Kara desperately, one hand gripping the back of Kara’s neck like no matter how close they were, it wasn’t enough. Kara forced herself to maintain control, to keep from sinking into this moment that she had been aching for for months. Because this wasn’t even remotely the right moment. Not in front of this crowd, and not while Lena’s emotions were all over the place like this.

But for a few moments, despite Kara’s inner scoldings not to be fooled, everything was perfect. They were together and they were kissing and nothing else in the world mattered. 

But the moment had to end. Kara pulled away, and they stared at each other with lustful bewilderment, Lena’s pupils blown and chest heaving. 

“Okay, there, lovebirds,” a voice suddenly cut in. It was Sam, stepping in front of the mic to take over from the mess of a speech Lena had just made. “Let’s hear it for National City’s favorite couple, huh? Nothing can keep these two apart. Not even near death experiences!” 

Sam made a big gesture of clapping politely for Lena and Kara. 

“Now,” she continued, “Let’s move on to the bidding!” Sam said and then turned to Lena and Kara. “I’ve got it from here,” she whispered. “Kara, go work the room, and Lena, just...follow her lead.  _ Please _ .”

Kara didn’t miss the way that Sam arched an eyebrow at her, mouthing ‘nice’ before glancing over at Lena, winking, and then facing the podium again.

God, she was a piece of work. 

Kara guided Lena down the steps on the opposite side of the stage and off to the side, knowing that she needed to check in with Lena before she just jumped right back into their social obligations like nothing had happened.

“Lena? Are you okay?” she asked, searching Lena’s eyes, which sort of just stared back dumbly back at her.

“Hmm?” Lena managed to reply. It was like she was in a stupor, but not one brought on by the alcohol. And she was staring at Kara so  _ intently _ .

“I mean, I’m sorry.” 

Lena tilted her head in confusion. 

“For what?” she inquired. 

“For setting you up like that up there. If you felt like you had to kiss me just to sell it to the crowd...”

Lena blinked, and just like that, she was snapped back to reality. 

“Right. That’s why you…” she cleared her throat. “No worries, Kara. You were great up there. Really convinced them that it was all real. Good job.” 

“But that’s not...what I was trying to…” Kara tried to say.

“Seriously, Kara, it’s fine.”

“Lena…” 

“What?” Lena spat, like she was suddenly fed up with Kara being so concerned for her all the time. “I said I’m  _ fine _ . Everything is  _ fine _ . Now let’s get out there. It is a party after all.”

Somehow Lena’s bull headed resolve was more worrisome than any of the other behaviours she had exhibited this evening. But she was already headed back out into the main hall, and all Kara could do was catch up with her, wondering what the  _ hell _ had just happened

*

The night, overall, was a huge success, minus a couple of road bumps. The paintings had been sold for insane amounts of money, the EMS service had raised enough funds not only to buy a fleet of new vehicles and equipment, but also set up a fund for low income persons who couldn’t afford their ambulance bills. A sum Lena doubled out of her own personal funds without hesitation. 

The venue had all but cleared out for the night, save for those close to Lena and LCorp who had stuck around to help clean up and suck up the rest of the free booze. Mostly the latter. 

Lena and Sam had disappeared somewhere to talk shop, so Kara found herself meandering towards Alex, who was making small talk with a museum security guard as they gathered up empty champagne glasses. She politely excused herself, however, when she saw Kara approaching her. 

“So,” she said with a raised eyebrow. “You and Lena put on quite a show back there.” 

“You’re gonna make me talk about it, aren’t you?” 

“Obviously.” 

Kara found a barstool to plop down into, letting her emotional exhaustion catch up with her for the first time that night. 

“I’m worried about her, Alex.” 

“Why? I figured that you’d be over the moon now that your wife was back on kissing terms with you again.” 

“That’s not important right now, Alex. Lena is…” Kara sighed, gearing up to try and sort through everything that had happened tonight with her sister. “She’s going through some stuff right now, and I’m worried about her…”

*

“Are you gonna tell me what the hell that was?” Sam asked, body rigid with frustration, eyes staring down at her phone instead of looking at Lena. 

“Do we have to do this right now, Sam? I have the worst headache.” 

“And whose fault is that? I didn’t see anyone forcing that tequila down your throat.”

“Oh, come on, Sam! I was trying to let loose a little. Calm the nerves. That never bothered you before.” 

“When a twenty some heiress is seen getting drunk in public, people call it letting loose. When a CEO in her thirties does it, people call it a problem. Besides the fact that you insulted your guests. If rich people calling other rich people out for their callousness wasn’t all but in vogue now, we’d be screwed.” 

“What? It was true.” 

Sam slammed her cellphone down on the counter next to her.

“Do you even want to keep this company, Lena? Do you care?” 

“Of course I care! But it’s just...a lot to take right now.” 

“It’s always been a lot to take! That’s the nature of the beast! Or have you forgotten that, too?” 

  
“Fuck off,” Lena spat. 

Sam frowned, visibly softening in lieu of Lena’s reaction.

“Alright. Okay. That was unfair. But I’m still pissed at you.” 

“Well maybe I’m pissed at  _ you _ for dragging me into this event before I was ready for all this bullshit!” 

“Yeah. Maybe you’re right. You clearly weren’t ready for tonight. Once again, I’ve come in second place as most able to predict and accommodate your needs.” 

“Wow, way to make me sound like a burden.” 

“Well! Sometimes you are one! You are,” Sam said, closing the distance between them suddenly to hold Lena’s face between her palms, “a beautiful, overdramatic, absolutely infuriating person. It would make me want to kill you if it wasn’t also one of the reasons that I love the shit out of you.” 

Lena blinked, wanting to lean into Sam’s touch and swat her away at the same time. 

“So what are you more mad about, then?” Lena asked cooly. “That I made a mess tonight or that you weren’t the one I ran to to help me through it?” 

Sam shook her head.

“God, you’re a jackass,” she said with a soft laugh as she released Lena from her grip. “Speaking of which. Was that a moment between you and Kara I saw earlier?”

Lena rolled her eyes. 

“It was a performance. One you all but insisted we put on, by the way.” 

“Oh, come on. I know you, and I’ve seen you with enough well-to-do suitors to know what your  _ performances _ look like. And that was anything but.” 

“Well Kara is apparently a better actress than I gave her credit for. She’s good at playing the role of doting wife, no matter how miserable it’s actually making her to do so.” 

“Lena…”

“Oh my God,  _ what _ ? What do you want me to do, Sam? Talk about the girl I kissed and what it  _ means _ that we kissed like we’re in middle school?” 

“That’s precisely what I want you to do,” Sam said with a smirk. 

Lena ignored her, flipping open the LCorp binder Sam had on her at all times to the accounts payable forms and scribbling a number on it. 

“Make sure this amount gets wired to the EMS foundation funds first thing in the morning.” 

Sam looked at the number and her eyes widened.

“Seriously? You just wrote them a hefty personal check, and you still want to give them more?” 

Lena shrugged at Sam.

“Call it survivor’s guilt,” she said as she turned to leave without another word.

*

Lena was silent the whole ride home. When Kara opened the door to their apartment, Lena walked right past her and into the bedroom, shutting the door behind her.

_ Okay, then,  _ Kara thought bitterly to herself as she poured a glass of wine she planned on all but chugging, even if it wouldn’t do anything. 

The glass was half drunk when the bedroom door reopened, and Lena emerged in her pj’s and a pile of her stuff perched precariously in her arms. Kara arched an eyebrow at her, almost too tired to even want to know.

“What are you doing?” she asked anyway. 

“Giving you your room back,” Lena said. “If either of us is going to sleep in the guest room, it’s going to be me.”

Kara sighed.

“And why is that?” 

“Because that room is full of you and your memories. And I’m intruding on them.” 

“How can you intrude on something you were a part of creating?” 

“I don’t know! But I am!” 

“Lena…” Kara began.

“I swear to god if one more person sighs at me like that I’m going to scream.” 

“Fine. Go ahead and scream! It’s better than silence!” Kara snapped, before instantly regretting it. “Look,” she said, fidgeting with her glasses. “You’re tired. We both are. Don’t do this right now. Just get some sleep, we can talk in the morning.” 

“I’m not sleeping in that room. You are.”

“No I’m not.” 

“Well neither am I!” 

“So, what?” Kara burst, resisting the urge to just take off out the window and scream into the night until all her frustration was drained out of her. “We’ll both just sleep in guest bedrooms and no one sleeps in our room at all? Is that what you want?” 

“I want to stop being such a burden to you!” Lena exclaimed. “I want...I want this to be  _ easier _ . I want to just be able to give you back the person you lost, or to be able to fill her shoes without being crippled by the weight of them. But apparently I can’t give you either of those things. So can I at least give you your goddamn bedroom back?”

“No.” 

“Why not?” Lena pressed stubbornly.

“Becuase!” Kara said, her voice a squeak of sudden desperation because Lena just wasn’t  _ getting _ it. “Because I couldn’t bring myself to sleep alone in that room when you were in the hospital, and I don’t think I could handle it any better now!” 

Lena was stunned for a moment. Then she sighed, letting her anger and her pile of stuff fall away and crumple onto the floor. She moved towards the kitchen island where Kara was standing, and sat down across from her.

“You know,” she said softly, thinking. “I never shared a room with anyone. Not for the whole night. Not that I can remember, at least. When I was a child, my room was huge and drafty and a long hallway away from anyone else in the house. Any time I’ve hooked up with someone, I’ve found a reason to leave before letting myself spend the night. And you’d think that it’s becuase I’m so used to being alone that I prefer it. But I actually always fucking hated the isolation. I just never figured out how to give it up.” 

Kara tilted her head, considering Lena. Then she got up and held out her hand to Lena. 

“Come on,” she said. 

“What are you doing?” Lena asked. 

“Helping you give it up.” 

Lena exhaled, her chest falling in relief as if she had been waiting for Kara to say exactly that. She took Kara’s hand and let her lead her into their room, Kara clicking the door shut softly behind them. Lena sat on the left side of the bed and then looked up expectantly at Kara.

“I assume your side of the bed is the one with all the sex toys stashed nearby,” she said, a teasing smile forming on her lips. 

“Okay, first of all,  _ rude _ ,” Kara said with a helpless laugh. 

“Am I wrong?” 

“...No. But still.”

Kara walked over to her dresser, where she still kept some of her clothes. She picked out a shirt and shorts to wear, and was just about to figure out how to unzip her dress herself when she felt Lena’s presence behind her. 

“I’m sorry we fought,” Lena said softly, pulling the zipper down in a slow, fluid movement. 

“I am, too,” Kara replied, unsurprised when Lena returned to her side of the bed once she had helped Kara with her dress.

The energy between them now was entirely different from what it had been when they were together in this room earlier in the evening. Before, it had been sexually charged and tense as the two of them danced around their attraction to each other. Now, despite the fact that nothing had changed, despite the fact that they had kissed earlier...It now felt more like two old friends connecting in a completely different kind of intimacy. Kara could feel Lena’s eyes on her as she stripped off her dress, but it was more of a reverent stare than a lustful gaze. 

Kara threw on her clothes and crawled into bed next to Lena. 

“Tonight was too much for you,” she said resolutely. 

Lena shut off the lamp on her side of the room, leaving them in the dark. 

“It was too much for both of us,” she replied. 

Kara felt Lena shuffle next to her as she got comfortable. The energy between them was peaceful, healing, and comfortable. After all, how many nights had they spent together just like this during their friendship? How many times had they laid silently next to each other, both yearning for the other in ways they wouldn’t speak aloud, but still completely content being together as they were? 

They had always needed each other more than they wanted each other, Kara decided. So, at least for tonight, Kara would lay next to Lena, letting her presence on the opposite side of the bed heal her tired mind. And when Lena reached her hand out in the dark towards Kara, she didn’t hesitate to take it. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *changes the line spacing bc it was annoying me as much as it was probably annoying you guys*  
Season 5B? Never heard of her. 
> 
> Kudos and comments are greatly appreciated! Subscribe so you don't miss an update, and come bs with me on tumblr if u want! (url schatzietess)
> 
> Love yinz!  
Tess


	10. Coping Mechanisms! (The 2nd Longest Chapter)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Playlist:  
Don't Blame Me  
Shake It Off (a bop to break up the angst)  
Everything Has Changed

Kara woke up in a confused daze, taking a moment to get her bearings. It had been literal months since she had slept in her own bed, after all. She rolled over and looked to see Lena still sleeping soundly next to her, her wavy dark hair splayed out on the pillow in a way that was, for lack of a less corny term, angelic. She felt a pull in the pit of her stomach, wishing that she could just kiss Lena awake like she had so many other mornings.

Feeling her gaze on her on some subconscious level, Lena stirred, eyes opening slowly to meet Kara’s. 

“Hey,” Kara said.

“Hi,” Lena replied with a shy smile. 

“Did you sleep okay?” Kara asked. 

“Yeah. Annoyingly so,” Lena said as she rubbed the sleep out of her eyes. “Guess I should have let you back into our bedroom sooner.” 

“I mean. I’m not going to argue with that sentiment.” 

Lena’s smile turned into a blush, and she rolled away from Kara’s gaze before it overwhelmed her. It was, in Kara’s opinion at least, unbearably adorable.

Kara laid back against her pillow, content to stay there as long as she could with Lena. It was a sunny Sunday morning, and neither of them had anything to do. They could just stay like this...they could…

Kara’s ear comm started beeping loudly from where it sat on her nightstand. 

“Ugh,” she groaned, rolling over to grab it and stuff it in her ear unceremoniously. “What?” 

“ _ Heyyy, Supergirl _ ,” Alex said, her apologetic tone telling Kara that she definitely wasn’t going to be able to stay in bed. “ _ Did I catch you at a bad time _ ?”

“I mean, I’m in bed with my wife, so sort of, yeah.” 

Kara felt a pillow whack her in the back of the head, Lena’s response to Kara’s suggestive comment. 

“Ow, Lena!” she scolded with a laugh, even though they both knew it didn’t actually hurt.

“ _ Wait, are you being serious? Are you two...you know what, I hate to say it, but this is more important. _ ” 

“I will kill you,” Kara grumbled. 

“ _ I mean, you can try, but the dozen or so escaped alien fugitives might beat you to it. _ ” 

Kara sat up suddenly. 

“What happened?” 

“ _ Don’t know. Some sort of power surge knocked the security measures out and opened some of the cell doors. And some of them got out before lockdown protocol was engaged. So, uh, you know, if you could get down here ASAP, I’d appreciate it _ .” 

“Ah. Well, hang tight, I’ll be right there,” Kara said, and the comm line clicked off. 

“Something wrong?” Lena asked, sitting up lazily as she tried to read Kara’s body language. 

“Uh, yeah, a bunch of dangerous aliens are on the loose.” 

Lena blinked.

“You say that so nonchalantly.” 

Kara shrugged.

“I mean, it happens pretty much semi-annually. I’m kind of numb to it at this point. Clark compared it to chickens getting out of the coop once, farm boy that he is,” she said with a sleepy laugh. “But you know, with a higher risk of casualties.” 

Kara dragged herself out of bed and put on the small metal wristband that activated her suit. Lena pulled her knees to her chest, watching Kara closely as she smoothed down her bed-muddled hair and activated the suit. 

“Can I help?” Lena asked.

Kara turned, surprised by her question. 

“I mean, that’s what I do, right?” Lena pressed before Kara could dissuade her. “Help you and the DEO out?” 

“Well, I mean, yeah, but…”

“Then I’ll go with you. And don’t tell me that I can’t, Kara, because we both know that I can and I will.” 

“But you...are you sure that’s a good idea? I mean, you had a rough night last night, and you got so upset when you saw me after the lizard incident the other day.” 

“Yes. Well. I have nothing to do today except wallow in my regrets about last night. So, why not find a way to make myself useful? Maybe with me around to help, you won’t get so banged up this time. I assume I already have some kind of armored suit for such occasions?” 

“I...yeah, you do, but-”

“Perfect,” Lena said, getting out of bed pulling her hair into a ponytail. “Let’s get going, then.”

*

Flight sickness and impending danger aside, Lena was feeling rather invigorated when she and Kara dropped down into the DEO. She had felt so helpless since she had woken up from her coma that the idea of helping catch some bad guys felt like just what she needed to get her confidence back. 

Or maybe that was the adrenaline talking. Because everyone else at the DEO that saw Lena strutting in seemed to be very alarmed at the idea of her showing up to help. All but Brainy, who literally jumped up and down in excitement when he found out that Lena was going to be joining them. 

“The super friends are whole again!” He exclaimed, “Come on, Lena, I’ll show you your suit,” he said as he all but skipped down the hall towards the armory. “Though, you should know that I’ve made a few adjustments to it since you’ve been away…” 

And God, did the suit have Luthor style written all over it. Shiny, green armor, a metric fuck ton of guns and defense mechanisms, a ‘self destruct’ failsafe with enough power to be classified as a damn nuke…

Lena didn’t want to know if she had designed it to wait until she was out of the suit before it blew up or not.

But as the glass face shield locked into place in front of her eyes, she couldn’t help but feel powerful. More so that she had yet as CEO. Was this how Kara felt every day?

“What do you think?” she asked Brainy. 

“It’s a good look on you. Subtle.” 

“Was that...a joke?” 

“Yes. I am actually quite humorous.” 

“Fair enough,” Lena said with a resolute nod. “Let’s go kick some ass.

* 

“Ready when you are, Supergirl,” Lena said as she strode out of the armory, heavy metal thunking and hydraulics hissing with each step. 

Kara blinked. 

“Lena I don’t know if it’s...safe to…” she said in a wary tone.

“Kara. I dare you to find any being, celestial or otherwise, that could do me any harm when I’m in this thing.”

“I know, but-”

“Kara?” Lena said calmly, keeping her eyes locked on Kara’s until she saw her expression soften. “Please.” 

Kara let out a soft, shuddering sigh. 

“Okay,” she said with a smile that contained a swath of mixed emotions. “Follow me, I guess.” 

Kara took off flying out of the building through the open window, hovering overhead and seemingly waiting for Lena to join her.

“This thing can fly, can’t it?” Lena asked quietly.

“Obviously,” Brainy said with a smug smile. “Superfriends, away!” 

Taking a firm stance, Lena found the ocular control board on her face mask, and used it to engage the thrusters. She felt a wave of heat, and in a moment she was hovering about a foot off the ground, leaving scorch marks on tile beneath her.

“Okay!” Brainy yelled over the jets that started to melt the floor. “Maybe we should have waited until we were outside to test the flight capabilities!” 

“I got it, I got it, I got it,” Lena insisted hurriedly, like she had all those times she had nearly caused an explosion in her lab, and took off upwards, only breaking through a couple of skylights before successfully exiting the building. 

Supergirl’s eyes were wide in both worry and something more...carnal...that Lena chose to ignore for the moment out of necessity. 

“You’re sure about this?” Kara asked, one final appeal.

“Absolutely,” Lena lied.

With a nervous frown, Kara turned to fly towards downtown, Lena following unsteadily behind her. 

“ _ Lena? _ ” she heard Kara’s voice break in through a mic somewhere in her head gear. 

“Yeah?” she replied. 

“ _ There’s three hostiles we have to engage on the north quardron of City Park. I’ll run the defensive, you just keep the civilians out of harm's way. Okay? _ ” 

“And jump in to help if you need it, right?” Lena asked, wondering where this sudden heroic streak she was on was coming from.

“ _ Let’s just...stick to civilian duty your first time out.” _

“But I can handle this, Kar-I mean, Supergirl. Wait, where’s the disengage control for the autopilot?” 

“ _ Are you kidding? _ ” Kara said almost desperately. 

“Nevermind! Found it! No worries!” 

“ _ Have I mentioned that this is a very stupid idea? _ ” Alex’s voice suddenly cut into the conversation.

“You have,” Both Kara and Lena said in unison. 

*

“ _ Kara? _ ” Alex called into the private line of their comms.

“Yeah?” 

“ _ Lena shouldn’t be here. _ ” 

“I know.”

“ _ I don’t think you do. _ ” 

“Look, Alex. I think she needs to feel useful right now. Just don’t worry. I have it under control.” 

“ _ Really? Becuase I know you. And I know what her accident did to you. And as long as she’s here, she’s compromising the mission and you. You’re going to be so preoccupied worrying about her that it’s going to put everyone else in danger. _ ” 

“Alex. It’s a recapture. We’ve done this a dozen times. And after the last time I got hurt...she has to see for herself that I can handle myself, and that she doesn't need to protect me. We’ve been through her overprotective phase of our relationship before, remember? I know what I’m doing.” 

“ _ Do you? Or are you so preoccupied trying to get her back that you’re not thinking clearly _ ?” 

*

A few moments later, Kara touched down in the park, where three burly aliens with horns and protruding, razor sharp teeth, were running rampant through what  _ was _ someone’s family reunion. Lena landed roughly, scorching the grass only a little, before she moved to usher the panicked people at the scene towards cover behind a series of large landscape boulders. 

Kara got to work immediately with engaging the hostiles, freezing their feet in place as Alex flanked her to the left and took a few shots with her weapon. The aggressors dodged the shots and broke out of the ice, barely slowing down as they barreled towards them.

“Supergirl?” Lena asked, worry evident in her voice. 

“ _ It’s fine, just get everyone to safety! _ ” 

Lena groaned to herself, resisting the urge to jump in and knock Kara out of the way as one of the aliens threw himself into her full force, sending them both flying at least thirty feet and into a large tree that broke at the base with a deafening crack on impact. Lena took off, a little too fast, towards it. The tree must have weighed a ton, easily, but she was able to hold it up with the strength of the suit long enough to keep it from crushing a young couple who had foolishly used it as shelter from the violence. 

“Go!” she hollered to them, and they took off running in the direction of the other people behind the rock formation. As soon as they were clear, she let the tree drop, and it sent a booming shock through the ground. 

Lena looked back up, and saw that one of the fugitives was gripping Kara by the throat. 

“Supergirl!” she screamed, dread washing over her. 

“ _ Lena! _ ” Alex commanded into the headset as she shot at the alien, which barely penetrated it’s thick skin. “ _ Do not engage! Let us handle it! _ ” 

“But I can help! I can-”

“ _ She is of no help to herself or anyone else if she’s worried about keeping you safe! Just stay out of it! _ ” 

Lena hovered over the ground, watching helplessly. Kara’s face began to turn purple. Alex was running towards Kara as fast as she could, but she was still too far away.

“Fuck this,” Lena whispered to herself, before barrelling at full speed towards the alien, knocking him away from Kara and dragging it through the branches of the fallen tree until they both came crashing through the other side of it. 

Lena was stunned for a moment, slow to react as she tried to gain her footing. The alien was faster, picking her up by the foot of the suit and tossing her back into the ground, leaving a crater from the impact.

“ _ Lena! _ ” she heard Kara shriek through the headset, and a moment later the aggressor let out a strained grunt as Supergirl lasered through the arm that gripped Lena, severing it from its owner.

_ Holy shit, _ Lena thought as thick black sludge bubbled from the mostly cauterized severed arm.

“ _ Would you two quit fucking up this mission by being lovesick assholes and  _ help me?” Alex barked. 

Lena and Supergirl turned their heads in unison, seeing Alex crouching and firing off shot after shot as both two remaining fugitives started running towards her at full force.

“ _ Triangle shaped button on your left arm, _ ” Kara instructed to Lena. “ _ It shoots an electrified net. You might be able to trap them both at once _ .”

“Got it,” Lena said, using the added speed of the hydraulics in the suit to send her running at a dizzying pace towards Alex. She felt for the button on her arm, found it, and lined up the shot. 

“Please don’t hit Alex,” she pleaded to herself quietly and she chose her target, and fired. A substance that was thin like webbing but glittering with electricity shot out like an arrow, expanded to a width of about seven feet, and landed on the two aliens.

They dropped to the ground, seizing and sputtering. Four agents flanked the captured, waiting for the net to complete its twenty second cycle of shocks before pulling them up and cuffing them. 

Lena let out a sigh of relief. She did it. She fucking _did_ _it_. The rush she felt from it was like nothing else she had ever experienced. She could do this all day. She could...

And then Lena was on the ground, crashed into by the third alien and his one remaining arm. He slammed his hand into her helmet like it was a club, making the glass splinter. Lena felt numb, like everything was happening in slow motion, or like she was in slow motion but her aggressor was still assaulting her at full speed. 

“ _ Lena! _ ” Kara screamed. 

The alien lifted his arm to hit Lena again, and was knocked off balance by Supergirl flying into him full force. They both fell to the ground, scuffling for a moment, before Kara finally made an overwhelming blow to the head that knocked him unconscious. She stumbled backwards, barely making sure he was out before running on off-balance feet to Lena’s side. 

“Lena. Lena!” she said desperately, disengaging the mask so it popped off Lena’s face but so that the rest of the helmet was still on. “Why did go after him? You could have...you…”

Lena’s eyes were slow to focus on Kara, but when they did, she could see thick tears staining her face. 

“He was trying to kill you,” Lena said simply. 

“So?” Kara said, shrill and unhinged. “I told you to stay back! I told you to be safe! I…” 

“Kara,” Alex said softly behind her, resting a hand on Kara’s shoulder as she crouched over Lena, chest shuddering. 

“I can’t lose you again, Lena. I can’t. This was,” she gasped desperately for air. “This was too close. I...” 

If Lena ever wanted to know just how much Kara came undone due to her accident, this was about as close as she was going to get to seeing it for herself. And in a sudden moment of realization and overwhelming guilt and sadness, Lena sat up and pulled Kara into a hug. She was all hard angles and cold metal, but Kara relaxed into her grip nonetheless. 

“I’m sorry,” Lena whispered into Kara’s windblown curls. “I wasn’t thinking. I just saw his grip on you and I reacted. I’m sorry.”

Kara’s chest heaved too aggressively for her to be able to respond. Her whole body trembled. 

“Fuck,” Alex muttered to herself from behind them. 

Suddenly J’onn appeared next to Alex, transforming from what Lena could only guess was his natural form of a tall green powerhouse of a martian. Which was...pretty cool, if she was being honest. J’onn crouched down next to Kara, gripped her shoulders, and pulled her gently towards him. Kara slackened into his grip, allowing him to all but pick her up like a small child. There was something so paternal about the gesture that Lena felt frozen in place, watching the little family unit he and Alex made for Kara as they helped her up. Kara reached out for Lena wordlessly, and J’onn turned, handing Kara off to Alex so she could lean heavily on her as he crouched over Lena, placing a hand over her forehead and closing his eyes.

Lena felt a strange sensation wash over her, like a chill, but in her thoughts instead of her body.

“She seems alright,” J’onn said resolutely. “But we should still get her back to the DEO to get looked at. If you don’t mind, Lena. I’m going to lock your suit in place so we can move you without potentially furthering any injury you might have done to your head or neck. Okay?” 

“J’onn, that’s not necessary. I can-”

“Lena,” Kara pleaded softly. “Please.”

Lena frowned, and then nodded silently. J’onn waved Brainy over. He pressed a few buttons on the secondary control board on the side of the suit, and she felt it go rigid around her. 

“I am sorry, Lena,” Brainy sad with a regretful look. “If I had known that you would have thrown yourself into the fight with such intensity, I would have made sure to have been close by to keep you safe.” 

“Are you suggesting that I need a babysitter?” Lena asked stubbornly. 

Brainy smiled despite her scathing tone.

“No. But perhaps a friend. Hmm?” 

Lena pursed her lips, guilty for having snapped at him, and nodded. 

* 

The ride back to the DEO was utterly humiliating. Lena was carried around by no more than five agents due to the weight of the suit. When they arrived, Kelly and the doctor on staff moved quickly to check Lena for any brain damage. In a normal case, the measures would have been excessive. But when a woman who spent three months in an induced coma due to swelling in the brain throws herself into a fight and gets knocked in the head by an incredibly strong alien, there’s extra cause for concern. Kara hovered so close by Lena’s bed side the entire time that the doctor snapped at her once or twice about needing room to work. Her only response was to shout “that’s my fucking wife” or something equally tragic.

Lena could barely bring herself to look at Kara. She had had a panic attack, practically a meltdown, reliving all of the unchecked emotional trauma of Lena’s accident, and probably more. All becuase Lena had been too impulsive to do the one thing Kara had asked, which was to stay safe. But the worst part of it all was that she couldn’t even promise herself, if she was being honest, that she wouldn't do it all over again if it meant saving Kara’s life.

Something had shifted in her almost overnight. She didn’t know who this Lena was, so impulsive in her need to be around Kara and to look out for her that she acted without thought of consequence. 

Lena had been given a clean bill of health, aside from a stern order to ‘take it easy’ for a few days, the rest of the aliens had been brought back into custody, with only one of them losing a limb in the process, and Kara and Lena were left alone in the medical bay. 

“I shouldn’t have come today,” Lena said, the first sound that had been made besides the beeping of her monitors since the staff had left them alone. 

“I didn’t say that,” Kara said, chewing her thumbnail, her eyes fixed on a stain on the wall behind Lena’s bed. 

“You were thinking it.” 

Kara let her head drop down into her own lap for a moment before she raised it again to look Lena straight on, her curls fluffed up around her face from the movement in a way that was mesmerizing. But whatever words Kara needed failed to form on her tongue.

“I thought that…” Lena continued. “If I could be with you, I could find a way to protect you. And if I could protect you...you wouldn’t end up like you did after the cave.” 

“I know,” Kara said quietly. “I was  _ trying _ to humor you. I assumed you had enough sense of self preservation to keep from barreling right into the middle of the fight.” 

“Well then, lack of self preservation is something we have in common,” Lena said. 

Kara’s eyes snapped up to look at Lena’s, only to soften as she laughed at Lena’s comment.

“That is, entirely accurate,” she replied.

There was a pause. The beeping was starting to get annoying.

“For what it’s worth,” Lena said. “It felt good. To be there when you needed me. For once.” 

Kara let out a shuddering exhale.

“I need you safe. I need you  _ alive _ . More than I need anything else.” 

“I understand,” Lena said. “Next time, I’ll…”

“Whoa, whoa, _next_ _time_?” Kara interrupted. “There won’t _be_ a next time, Lena. You are never throwing yourself in harm’s way like that again.” 

Lena’s brow furrowed in frustration. 

“Is that an order?” 

“No, it’s…” Kara breathed. “A plea. A desperate one. Lena, please. Alex was right. I can’t do my job if I have to worry about protecting you. And it’s not that I don’t think you can take care of yourself it’s just that...the last time you needed saving, I wasn’t there. If I had been there in the car with you, if I had gotten to you just a second faster…” 

Lena knew that Kara was replaying the accident in her mind. If forgetfulness was a gift, she would give it to her. But all Lena could offer her instead was a little extra room in her hospital bed and a gesturing hand. Kara obliged, the spandex of her suit squeaking as she laid down next to Lena, fiddling with the fabric of her sleeves that wrapped around her thumbs to distract herself. 

“My instinct is to tell you that you can’t always be there to save me,” Lena said. “But the whole reason we got into this mess today is because I am not able to heed the same advice. I’m a bit more attached to you than I anticipated. So...please don’t ask me to stop worrying about you. It’s not possible.”

They stayed silent for a moment, equally stubborn and unrelenting in their caring for each other.

“Can I offer a compromise?” Lena finally asked. 

Kara rolled over a bit so she could look Lena in the eye. 

“Shoot,” Kara replied. 

“Next time there’s some big bad you have to fight, I get to be there to help...but only from DEO HQ. As a...research and tech consultant?”

Kara narrowed her eyes at Lena, pondering her offer.

“Promise you won’t throw on the suit the second you think I’m in danger?” 

Lena propped her elbow up on her stomach and offered up her pinky finger. Kara smiled at it, and linked her pinky finger with Lena’s.

“Promise,” Lena said. 

They were incredibly close, Lena now realized. Closer than they’d dared to be when they had shared a bed the night before, and Lena felt overwhelmed by it. The events of the morning had forced her to grapple with the fact that she was falling faster for Kara than was, literally, safe for either of them. Kara’s lips parted as she kept her eyes locked on Lena’s. Lena leaned in closer to her…

“Oh good! So we get to work together again!” Brainy suddenly piped up from behind Kara in the doorway of the med room. “Lena, I cannot wait to show you-”

“How long have you been standing there?” Kara snapped, turning to glare at Brainy. 

“What? I wanted to see how Lena was doing,” he said innocently. 

Brainly continued to stand in the doorway, leaning against the frame and smiling at them like a proud dad. 

“Get out!” Lena and Kara finally yelled at him in unison. 

“Oh, fine!” Brainy said, turning to leave. “But for the record, the Super Friends are still back together! So, huzzah!” 

*

“You caused unnecessary risk of civilian life,” Alex scolded, pacing around the unoccupied side of the boardroom table deep within the DEO.

“I know,” Kara replied meekly. 

Apparently Alex was done being the concerned big sister, and was now in full pissed off boss mode. Although, sometimes concerned big sister mode manifested itself at the same decibel of yelling she was using now, so it was hard to tell which side Kara was dealing with. 

“You checked out DEO property without authorization,” Alex continued. 

“Technically, Brainy checked out Lena’s suit.”

“You turned a basic recapture. Practically a  _ drill _ . Into a fucking Level 2 Hazard.” 

“I-”

“Which means double the paperwork for me! And.  _ And _ ! You brought Lena into the mission despite my direct orders to keep her out of it!” 

Yep. Pissed off boss mode. Kara guessed it right.

“Lena is still, technically, part owner of the DEO. So it doesn’t really matter if you object to her-”

“For the love of God, Kara! Do you hear yourself? You guys fucked up! Bottom line, that’s it!”

Kara snapped her mouth shut. 

“I told you this would happen, Kara. I told you this was a bad idea. But you wouldn’t listen to me. And did you...did you and Lena have sex last night?”

Kara rolled her eyes.

“No.”

“Okay. So I was right about  _ almost _ everything today. Nia, J’onn, how did things go on your end?”

Nia and J’onn shifted in their seats uncomfortably, both due to Alex yelling and due to the casual mention of Kara’s sex life. 

“Fine,” J’onn replied. “All the hostiles on our end were captured fairly quickly.” 

“Yeah. Exactly, becuase you’re  _ professionals _ . Unlike my flagship agent over here, who is supposed to make me look good. Not disappear for months at a time and then make a mess of everything when she gets back.” 

“Hey! Don’t even try to guilt me for taking time off during Lena’s accident. Don’t you  _ dare _ .” 

Alex conceded to Kara with a slump of her shoulders.

“Can you give us the room please, guys?” she asked the other two agents.

“Yes, please,” Nia said, darting out of her chair and towards the door, J’onn close behind her.

“I’m sorry,” Alex said quietly. “You’re right. That wasn’t fair. I just...I’m upset, Kara. Okay? And if I had the authority to drag Lena in her and chew her out as well, I would.” 

“Like I would let you,” Kara muttered.

Alex plopped down into the chair next to Kara. 

“Do you remember what you said yesterday about how Lena’s going through some stuff right now?” 

“Yeah.” 

“Yeah? So? Do you think it’s possible you’re going through it a little bit right now, too?” 

Kara’s neck tensed as she swallowed past her knee jerk reaction to tell Alex she didn’t know what she was talking about. 

“Listen, Kara. I’m just worried about you. You weren’t thinking clearly today. And when Lena got hurt...Look, you just...you’ve lost so much. I think that Lena’s accident is holding a lot more weight in your mind than you want to admit.”

“Mm,” Kara replied, and then suddenly moved to rest her head on Alex’s shoulder. 

“Do you wanna talk about it?” Alex asked, beginning to stroke her hair. 

“Not really,” Kara replied, shutting herself and her feelings off like she had a habit of doing when her past came up.

Alex rested her head on top of Kara’s. 

“Do you wanna talk about how you and Lena ended up in bed together this morning?” 

“ _ Yes _ ,” Kara said earnestly.

*

The apartment was terribly quiet. Lena was on the couch sulking while going over some paperwork Sam had sent her, and Kara was chewing on her thumbnail in the kitchen, staring at the open fridge as she tried to decide if she should keep eating her feelings. Despite the moment they had in the med bay, there was still tension between them from everything going wrong. And even though it wasn’t what either of them wanted, they were both very tangibly avoiding talking to one another...

“That’s it,” Kara said, snapping the fridge door shut with newfound resolve.

“What?” Lena asked, looking up from her work. 

“I refuse to let this weekend go out on a crappy note. We need to have some  _ fun _ .” 

Lena blinked, wondering if she had met her match in terms of the ability to avoid complicated feelings.

“What did you have in mind?” Lena asked.

Kara moved to sit on the back of the couch, looking down at Lena while she tapped her thumb against her chin in thought. 

“Game night?” she finally said. 

“What...like, board games? Really?” 

“Yeah! Game night! We haven’t had one in forever. I’ll text everyone right now!” 

“Oh...so this is a regular occurence? With other people present?” 

Kara narrowed her eyes at Lena playfully. 

“Don’t get all anti-social on me, Lena. It’ll be fun.  _ Trust _ me.” 

Lena pursed her lips, unconvinced, but Kara was already up and furiously texting, well, everyone, apparently. 

*

New Text To: Group: SUPERFRIENDS!!! :D

_ Emergency game night! 6pm! Be here!! _

*

“I feel like sweatpants aren’t proper attire for hosting guests.” 

“Lena, you keep those sweatpants on. I’m not kidding. This about relaxing and having a good time with friends. And I will make you do both if it kills me.” 

“Shouldn’t I have at least put together a quick charcuterie board or something?”

Kara folded her arms at Lena with an amused smile.

“Lena. What is a charcuterie board? Hmm? Bread, meat, and cheese. All of which also exists in the form of  _ pizza _ . Which I have already ordered.” 

The doorbell rang. 

“Oh! Someone is here. Now you sit and relax! I will get it!” 

Lena sighed exasperatedly, but obliged as Kara rushed to the door and swung it open. Considering that she had been on the verge of a mental breakdown this morning, she certainly was...cheerful. 

Should Lena be concerned about this? 

“Yay! You’re here!” Kara said, pulling Nia and Brainy into one big suffocating three person hug. “Ooh, wine!” 

Kara all but shoved them towards the living room before she rushed to the kitchen to grab a bottle opener. Nia rolled her lips together in a tight and wide eyed smile as she sat in the armchair adjacent to Lena. 

“Hey, Lena. How are you feeling? You okay?” 

“Um. I’m fine. A little whiplashed from this morning. And I don’t mean just physically,” she said, gesturing with a head nod to Kara, who was singing some showtune to herself as she pulled the cork off the wine bottle and moved to grab glasses from the cupboard. 

“Well. Yeah,” Nia replied. Her tone suggested that she not only knew exactly what Lena was talking about, but that she also had no intention of discussing or explaining it any further. 

Moments later, the door opened without a knock or ring, and Alex came in with Hannah clinging to her back like a baby koala, Kelly close behind them. Hannah hopped down and went running full speed down the hallway, yelling “GOTTA PEE! GOTTA PEE!” the whole way. Alex gave Kara a one-armed hug and Lena a nod of the head, saying nothing, before following after Hannah towards the bathroom. 

“Don’t mind Alex, she’s in a mood,” Kelly said as she sat next to Lena. “How are you feeling?” 

“Fine. Is everyone going to ask me that?” 

Kelly blinked. 

“You know, sometimes people just ask other people how they are because they care. But, you know, bite my head off about it if it helps.” 

Lena swallowed past a wave of guilt.

“Sorry,” she muttered. 

A moment later, Hannah came bursting out of the bathroom and down the hall with the same feverish intensity. 

“I did it!” she declared triumphantly to the room. 

“Oh my goodness, munchkin!” Kara said gleefully, picking up Hannah and spinning her around until she giggled. “You have got this potty training thing  _ down _ .” She set Hannah back down before she got too dizzy. “You want some juice?” 

“Mmhmm,” Hannah said with a nod, and meandered her way over to Lena, crawling up into her lap wordlessly. 

“Okay, we’re all here!” Kara announced in a sing-song voice as she handed Hannah a sippy cup and Alex a glass of wine. “Let’s-” 

She was interrupted by a knock on the door, followed by Sam letting herself in the unlocked door. 

“Game night, huh?” Sam said, wielding a bottle of red wine. “Some things never change.” 

“Oh...Sam. Hi,” Kara said warily.

“I invited her, Kara,” Lena piped up. “That’s alright, isn’t it?” 

She had said everyone, after all. But as the expression on Kara’s face changed from surprise to annoyance to a blinding, goofy smile in a matter of seconds, Lena wondered if she had messed up. 

Again.

“Of course! I mean, the teams will be uneven now...but! That means we can just play a different game. And I have the perfect one in mind! Come on in, Sam.”

Kara pulled Sam into a hug. A tight one. It was startling, considering that she had given Sam a wide berth since her arrival in National City. Sam’s eyes went wide with the shock of it. 

“Can I talk to you for a minute?” Alex murmured, suddenly standing behind where Lena was perched on the arm of the couch. 

“Funny, I was just about to ask you the same thing,” Lena replied. “Can you sit with Mum for a minute?” Lena asked Hannah gently, having remembered from the last time that Kelly was ‘Mum’ and Alex was ‘Momma’. 

Hannah pouted for a second, but rolled towards Kelly on the couch anyway.

A moment later Lena and Alex were in the hallway, Alex having muttered some half excuse about forgetting something in the car. The topic of their conversation did have superhuman hearing, after all. 

“Has she been like this all day?” Alex asked softly.

“What, manically gleeful? For the last couple hours or so, yeah.” 

“Okay,” Alex breathed. “So, here’s the thing. You and I both know she broke down this morning. And I’m not...gonna yell at you or try to blame you for it, because that’s not going to help anything.” 

“Sounds more like Kelly’s reasoning that yours.” 

“Look, Lena. You’re my sister-in-law, and I love you. I do. And even with everything being screwed up right now the way it is, you haven’t bailed on Kara. So I have to assume that you still love her.”

Lena was stunned for a moment.

“Alex,” she began to say.

“Nope. Don’t argue. Just listen,” Alex interrupted. “I know you’re playing catch up with your memory being gone. So I don’t expect you to be able to understand what Kara’s going through at the moment. But that Kara you’re seeing right now? That’s all a coping mechanism. It’s...” Alex sighed heavily. “There’s more trauma there than you can ever imagine. She’s lost her family, her world, and a few more worlds after that. The depth of her sorrow can be unfathomable. So much so that sometimes she physically can’t handle it.” 

Lena thought back on the puzzle pieces of Kara that she had assembled to this point. She thought about all the details of her life and her past that Kara glossed over with a blank eyes the night they stayed up late talking about her life as Supergirl. She thought about how she couldn’t sleep in their bedroom alone after Lena’s accident. She thought about Kara’s fit of rage against that alien when it had come after Lena, and the image of Kara crumpled on the ground next to Lena as J’onn pulled her up with a sad, knowing look. 

How had she not noticed it before? How had she missed it when she looked into Kara’s eyes, deep blue pools shimmering with pain and trauma like a reflection of what Lena saw in herself, only so much deeper that she couldn’t see the bottom of their depths?

“What do I do?” Lena asked softly, her throat going tight. 

“You’ll figure it out. The only person I’ve ever trusted to take better care of her than me, is you.” 

Lena nodded solemnly, letting the meaning of Alex’s words sink in. Alex gave her a half smile, and turned to go back into the apartment. 

“Hey, Alex?” Lena asked.

“Yeah?”

“Thanks for not...lecturing me.” 

“What, like Mom did?” 

Lena frowned, choosing not to reply.

“Yeah,” Alex said knowingly. “We’re a protective bunch. Now come on, we’ve got wine to drink.” 

“Thank God for that,” Lena replied in earnest.

When they walked back into the apartment, Kara was dragging a marker board into the living room, Hannah skipping behind her, juice sloshing this way and that out of her sippy cup.

“Kara, is that-” Lena began.

“From your office? Yes,” Kara said as she started to draw seemingly random lines on the board. “I needed it. But don’t worry! I took a picture of your work before I erased it.” 

Lena wanted to protest, but she only let out a lighthearted grunt as she sat in the spot closest to where Kara was standing, that had been left mysteriously open even though there clearly wasn’t sufficient seating for everyone. 

“Okay!” Kara said, capping the marker and turning towards their guests with a bright smile. “We’re playing brackets. Somebody pick a topic!” 

*

“No. Absolutely not. Cheese does not get to advance as best pizza topping.” 

“Why?” Kelly protested. “Without cheese there is no pizza.” 

“Exactly! It’s already a part of it! Not a topping!” 

“But what about extra cheese?” 

The group collectively groaned. 

“Fine,” Nia chimed in. “We can concede to advancing extra cheese if you get rid of green peppers.”

“I absolutely will not.” 

“No one in their right mind would pick green peppers as a favorite topping, Sam!” Kara said with a laugh.

“Some people actually like vegetables, you know.” 

“Then eat a salad!” 

Lena found herself giggling like an idiot over her wine glass as the group exploded at each other in the most hilarious way possible. Who knew people could get so heated in a debate over pizza toppings? 

“Are we sure we can’t put pineapple back on the board?” Lena asked, purely for the chaotic reaction it elicited.

“What kind of  _ monster- _ ” Alex said in the most offended tone possible.

The rest of the group followed suit with burst of protest. 

“Okay! Okay! Then I’m with Kara on the extra cheese.” 

“Hah! See! Smartest woman in the world votes extra cheese. That’s it, debate over.”

“Smartest woman, maybe, but...” Brainy began to argue. 

“What do you think, kiddo?” Sam asked Hannah. She had seemed captivated by Hannah since she walked in the door, either becuase she reminded her or Ruby when she was little or because a part of her always wanted to see Alex become a mom. 

Hannah tilted her head in a dramatically deep thought, before exclaiming “Chocolate!” 

“What?” Sam asked with a laugh. 

“What kind of animal are you two raising?” Kara asked, tousling Hannah’s hair affectionately. 

Kelly groaned. 

“She’s going through a chocolate syrup phase. She put some on her pizza the other night before I could confiscate the bottle off of her.” 

“And you liked it?” Lena asked Hannah. 

“Ya! It’s good. You want some?” 

Kara laughed heartily, bracing herself by putting a hand on Lena’s knee as she did so. She had been this way all night. Sitting as close to Lena as she could, touching her whenever she could, leaning her head against Lena’s whenever she was deep in thought. Lena was starting to notice that Kara was always so much warmer than she was, like she held the literal sun inside of her. 

And maybe she did. 

In a Cinderella story win that shocked them all, hot sauce swept the board. 

“I can’t fucking believe it,” Alex said, staring dumbfounded at the completed bracket on the markerboard. 

“I told you Brainy is a force of debate not to be reckoned with,” Nia said with a knowing laugh. 

“And I thought Lena was bad,” Sam said, shaking her head. 

It was getting late, Hannah was falling asleep in Kelly’s lap, and they all had work in the morning. One by one, their friends said goodnight. The last to see herself out was Sam, who took a moment to pull Lena aside before she left.

“So, what did I miss?” 

“What do you mean?” Lena asked. 

“I mean...you two seem awfully...comfortable all of a sudden.” 

Lena arched an eyebrow at Sam playfully.

“Is that a problem?” she asked.

“Not at all,” Sam said with a wink. “Keep up the good work.” 

And then Lena and Kara were left alone in the apartment once again. Lena had a pleasant buzz from the few glasses of wine that she had, and she couldn’t help but hope that Kara would want to stay as close to her as she had when they had been squished next to each other on the crowded couch. 

Instead, Kara instantly busied herself cleaning the living room up in the wake of a surprisingly rowdy game night. The newfound silence of the apartment was jarring compared to how loud and full it had been earlier. Lena bit her bottom lip, wishing desperately to find some way to make the evening light and fun again before they slipped back into their all too familiar tension. Then a thought popped into her head, and she was walking over to their retro record player before she could talk herself out of it. 

The needle hissed and popped against the vinyl until it fell into a groove and a soft, familiar melody began to play. Lena knew she had heard the song before, but she couldn’t quite put her finger on where or when. She stood next to it, listening, until she saw Kara still and turn towards her. 

“What are you doing?” she asked. 

Lena smiled. 

“We got interrupted too soon the other night. So. Dance with me?” 

Kara mouth parted, slow to form words. 

“But the mess,” she said in a hollow protest. 

“Will be there tomorrow,” Lena insisted. “We can deal with it then.” 

Kara still looked hesitant, but, like she was being reeled in from an invisible line, she found her way to Lena, taking her outstretched hand. Lena moved it to her own shoulder, taking the lead as she began to guide Kara around the cluttered living room in slow, languid circles. She felt Kara relax into her grip bit by bit until she was all but holding her up. But Lena didn’t mind. Especially when Kara’s head fit in the crook of Lena’s neck so perfectly, her breath warm and soothing against Lena’s skin.

“Did you enjoy game night?” Kara said softly, her lips tickling Lena’s throat. 

“Mm,” Lena mused, fighting the urge to let her eyes flutter shut. “Very much so.”

“Good,” Kara murmured. “Today was...exhausting.” 

“I know,” Lena said, fighting past her own hesitations long enough to reach up and stroke Kara’s hair. 

Their movements had all but slowed to a halt, and they were now simply holding each other in front of the record player as it began to skip. Lena reached out to switch it off, and Kara gripped her tighter as if she thought she might pull away. But she didn’t. How could she? 

After another few moments interlocked that way, Lena felt her legs start to quake, tired from exertions of heroism that they were unused to. 

“We should probably get some sleep,” she suggested gently, even though she hated the thought of pulling away now. 

“Oh,” Kara said in a disappointed tone. “Yeah. You’re right.” 

She pulled away from Lena and, with a regretful look, turned towards the hall that led to the guest bedrooms. 

“Kara?” Lena asked. 

“Hmm?”

“You don’t have to sleep in there.” 

Kara’s whole body relaxed in relief. 

“Okay,” she replied, and didn’t hesitate to take Lena’s hand again as Lena led them to their bedroom. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> S/O to whoever made that tweet that circulated like a week or so ago about making brackets about random stuff as a game idea. 
> 
> Remember when I promised this story wasn't gonna be angsty the whole time? Hope none of you actually believed me lollll. I'm not doing it on purpose I SWEAR.  
Anyway. Imma enjoy the rest of my self made snow day (fuck retail im staying home) Next chapter is gonna feel short as FUCK compared to these last 2 updates lemme tell ya.  
As always, I love you guys and your really awesome love and support of this story. Don't forget to subscribe so you can keep up on the updates, and leave a lil kudos and comment to make me smile :)
> 
> Love yinz!  
-Tess-


	11. I Forgot To Name This Chapter!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Did some things you can't speak of. But at night you'll live it all again..."  
Playlist  
Innocent  
You Are In Love

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CW/TW: The opening scene of this chapter is a nightmare sequence that includes mentions of death. After having a really bad few mental health days that turned into night terrors, I wrote one of them into the story because it felt better to get it out of my head. If this is something that you think might be upsetting to read, just skip over the text that is written in italics, I made sure the story is still coherent without having read it :)

_ Kara was sitting in a hospital bed. She had no recollection of how she got here, but she didn’t think to question it, either. And at first, she also didn’t know why she was there. But the longer she sat, the more the gaps of her memory seemed to fill themselves in. Something was wrong inside of her. Something wet and black and rotting.  _

_ The hospital room she was in was a strange combination of things that had never existed together before. The bed and the machinery, ever beeping and hissing, was like that of the DEO medical ward. The walls and the view from the window were of Krypton, all reds and browns and shimmering steel. But just outside the room, was a waiting room that looked just like one she remembered sitting in when Alex had broken her arm falling off the pier when she was sixteen. _

_ Nurses seemed to move in and out of the room without moving their feet or making any sound. But they all radiated the same quiet pity on Kara in the form of sad, sympathetic smiles and fleeting touches on her hand or shoulder. She was dying. Kara knew it without having to be told. The knowledge simply dawned on her with bright clarity.  _

_ Sometimes instead of nurses, there were familiar faces. Alex, Kelly, J’onn, all her friends. They would come in with bright smiles, mildly confused as to why Kara was there but never thinking to ask. None of them knew. She hadn’t told them. And just as she thought to tell them the truth, they faded away and left her alone again. _

_ It occured to Kara that there was no real reason for her to stay in her hospital bed, so she got up and made her way to the waiting room, which seemed to get fuller and fuller with vaguely familiar faces that she couldn't quite place every time that she blinked, until she could barely move amongst the crowd. She tried to find someone, anyone, that she knew more than vaguely. But the more she focused on the faces in the crowd as they were sitting, standing, running, or otherwise, the more the faces blurred.  _

_ A sudden dread filled her. A panic that told her that her end was coming near. The crowd grew thicker. Then, like the flick of a switch, some of the people in the room were all grey, like they had been cut out of a black and white film and pasted into the room. No one else seemed to notice the change but her. A voice in her head told her that she was seeing the dead, and if she could see them, it meant that she would soon join them.  _

_ Kara began to run, a sudden path through the crowd appearing before her and leading to a set of stairs. She began to climb, half running, up, up, endlessly up. And then, at the eventual top of the steps, there was a door like the door at CatCo that led to the roof.  _

_ She opened it, and was hit with a brisk, cold wind. Kara stepped out into a fog, thick at first, and then dissipating until she could see that she was standing on a mountain top, looking at the bright Kryptonian sun high in the sky. Just inches from her feet, at the end of the summit, was a deep chasm, deeper than any depth she had yet imagined. On the other side of it was a summit that mirrored her own. On the other summit stood another crowd of people, all in gray, watching her. She knew them without having to see their faces. They felt like home.  _

_ Then Kara was aware of a presence behind her. Dark and terrifying and so massive that it’s presence towered over her, filling her senses with it’s inevitability. Kara sighed, feeling suddenly peaceful and calm. It was there to take her across the chasm, and with that knowledge, she was no longer afraid. Her shoulders relaxed, and she closed her eyes, leaning forward into the abyss below. _

_ But something went wrong. Someone grabbed her hand, pulling her away from the edge. The mass behind her screeched, shaking the mountain beneath it with the power of it’s fury. Kara turned, and the hand that pulled her away belonged to Lena. The being behind them, robbed of it’s prize, went to grab Kara. Lena pushed Kara out of the way, lunged at the thing, and took it tumbling over the edge with her. Kara screamed so loud and so long as Lena fell that she felt the force of it all but crack her chest open, sending the black sickness within it seeping out.  _

_ And then she was back in the waiting room. It was much emptier than before. And more colorful. But Kara continued to scream, even when no one seemed to notice or care. She had been spared, at the cost of what she loved.  _

_ Again.  _

*

Lena bolted awake out of a dead sleep to the sound of Kara crying. It was muffled at first, but then grew louder as Kara pulled herself out of some nightmare, until her sobs turned to wailing and her whole body shook in panic. 

“Kara?” Lena called out, her voice barely enough to cut through Kara’s screaming. “Kara. Kara!”

Lena reached out, gripping Kara’s arms as they flailed in front of her, searching for grounding in the pitch black room. They stilled in Lena’s grip, and her screams ceased long enough for Lena to turn on the lamp. Kara’s eyes were wide, confused, and panicked. Her cheeks were wet with tears. 

“Hey,” Lena said in as soothing a tone as she could manage. “Kara. Hey. It’s okay. You’re in your room, you’re fine.” 

Kara looked like a caged animal as her eyes darted around, adjusting to the light. Then she sighed, her eyes found Lena’s, and she crumpled against her, her head falling into Lena’s lap and her chest heaving spasmodically against Lena’s knee as she started to sob all over again. Lena could only pull Kara close and stroke her hair until Kara had finally exerted herself, murmuring whatever kind words she could think of to still her troubled mind. 

It felt like an eternity later when Kara finally found some semblance of calm, and she sat up, eyes puffy and red. 

“I-I’m sorry,” she managed to croak, her voice all but used up. 

“Shh,” Lena consoled. “Don’t be. Come here.”

Lena settled against the headboard of the bed and pulled Kara close to her. Kara rested her head against Lena’s chest, gripping her like she might lose her if she didn’t. They stayed like that for a few moments, until Kara found her voice again. 

“They’re not usually...that bad,” Kara said softly. 

Lena nodded against the top of Kara’s head, understanding. 

“Do you want to talk about it?” Lena murmured, lips pressed lightly into Kara’s hair. 

Kara let out a shaky breath. 

“I...I can’t. I don’t even think I can go back to sleep.”

“Okay,” Lena replied, and trying not to move Kara too much, she reached over to the nightstand and grabbed the remote to the bedroom tv. 

“What are you doing?” Kara asked.

“Finding something for us to watch,” Lena said simply, and felt Kara relax against her as she flipped through the channels in search of something that might lift her spirits. 

Lena lost track of time after that. They watched reruns of Parks and Rec as Kara fought to stay awake. She would nod off here and there, only to shake herself awake again and pull Lena closer. Lena felt herself almost drift off once or twice, but there was something on her mind that made her almost as restless as the woman lying next to her. 

How had she managed to mean this much to Kara? 

In all her life, she had never known the kind of closeness that Kara sought from her. Her family either kept her at arms length or made love into a manipulation to get their way. Her friends were few and far between, but the ones she had gotten close to hadn’t stayed for long. And her lovers had always, in the end, either let Lena down or had been let down by her. The result was that Lena didn’t trust love; didn’t think it was something real or true. It was just a device, a fantasy used to get what you wanted from someone else. And the people who claimed to truly be in love just hadn’t figured that out yet. 

So why was it that from the moment Lena woke up in Kara’s universe that she hadn’t even thought to question her affection and devotion to her? How was it that someone as wary and closed off as Lena had come to be such a source of comfort and trust for Kara? 

It shouldn’t have been possible. And yet here they were, inexplicably tangled together. Kara somehow always knowing what Lena needed, and Lena being able to act in kind without any question that she knew how. When Lena fell apart, both physically and spiritually, Kara had been there every step of the way to help put her back together. And now that Kara was nearly coming apart herself, even if it was partly because of Lena, Lena was there to hold her and stay awake with her until the terror gripping her mind began to melt away, and she finally drifted off to a more peaceful sleep.

It was the most profound and terrifying thing that Lena had ever experienced. 

And while she was never one to admit that she was wrong, Lena had to concede, as she settled her and a dozing Kara back against the pillows and felt sleep pull at her own eyelids, that perhaps she had been wrong about love.

*

Lena had never felt so morose to see a sunrise. Not when Kara’s arm clung to her waist, possessive but not too tight, and her face was nuzzled in the base of Lena’s neck, breath slow and steady against her in her deep sleep. Lena knew she couldn’t stay like this. She had work to do, a company to run, despite her current exhaustion. And even if she put all that duty aside, Kara herself would wake eventually. And more likely than not, her reaction to this sudden closeness would be to sputter some apology about last night and pull away, leaving Lena cold and conflicted in the absence of her touch. Or maybe she wouldn’t. Maybe she would just pull Lena closer...

The harsh blue light of Lena’s phone screen lit up, pulling her out of her thoughts. Lena reached slowly for her phone, careful not to wake Kara, and saw that the work emails were already starting to pour in. She definitely, regretfully, had to get up. 

With the gentlest movements that she could manage, Lena slipped out of bed, feeling an instant chill as the source of her warmth and comfort snuggled her face into Lena’s pillow and drifted back off to sleep. Lena wondered what she dreamed of, hoping it was all good and light things to chase away the darkness.

She changed into the a-line skirt and silk blouse she had laid out for the day as quietly as she could, using the flashlight on her phone to see so she wouldn’t have to turn on a lamp and disturb the woman in her bed. She’d never had to deal with such consideration before. It was inconvenient, and yet Lena didn’t mind it at all.

It was just after 6:30, and Lena knew that Sam would already be in the office, if her emails weren’t hint enough. She hadn’t bothered to read any of them. Too early in the morning to strain her eyes to read the small print from her cell phone. And whatever is was could wait.

Lena took one last look at Kara before she left the security of the bedroom and faced the day. She still had her head on Lena’s pillow, her body stretched out with the sudden extra room she had in her absence. 

Lena couldn’t help but feel obligated to say goodbye before she left for the office, even if it meant pulling Kara out of her serene slumber. She had to know that Kara was going to be okay after last night. Lena crouched down so that she was face to face with Kara, noting with regret the puffy bags under Kara’s eyes from all that release of raw emotion. 

“Kara?” she whispered, with no response. “Kara,” she said again, leaning in closer. “Hey. I’ve got to go to work. But I’ll be home as soon as I can. Okay?” 

Kara stirred, eyes still closed as she tilted her face up to the source of Lena’s voice.

“Mkay, love you,” she mumbled, and kissed the corner of Lena’s mouth before instantly falling back asleep and beginning to snore. 

Lena’s eyes went wide, feeling like a bolt of electricity had been shot through her. Kara had no idea what she had done, of course, she had never been fully awake to even be aware of the kiss. Her subconscious had defaulted; a cursory response to her wife leaving for work early in the morning as she likely had dozens and dozens of times before. It was second nature for Kara to kiss Lena goodbye and then fall back asleep, soaking up whatever rest she could get until her own morning routine began. But for Lena, it was the first kiss she had had with Kara that wasn’t forced from the pressure of a watchful crowd. And quick and chaste as it may have been, it sent her reeling even more so than the one she had all but dove into the night of the gala. 

Of course Lena knew that Kara loved her. She was married to her for god’s sake. But Kara had been careful not to say it aloud for Lena’s sake as she sorted through her own emotions. But hearing it aloud now in such a simple and domestic way triggered something in Lena. Something that had always been there, she had just been too stubborn and afraid to acknowledge.

*

A newspaper being slapped down onto Lena’s desk pulled her out of her trance of replaying the events of the last night into this morning over and over on a loop. Lena blinked in surprise, and then looked down to see why it was being brought, however brusquely, to her attention. The headline read “Super Feels?” with the subheadline: “L-Corp CEO spotted sharing an intimate moment with her “Friend” Supergirl” 

The picture below it was snapped from yesterday morning, when Kara had threatened to collapse into Lena’s armor-clad grip after the altercation with the escaped aliens. 

Lena pursed her lips, doing her best not to let Sam see the effect the picture had on her.

“No one reads the paper anymore,” she said blankly, tossing it to the other side of the desk. 

“You’re right,” Sam said. “But people still read whatever trending gossip columns pop up in their social media feed. And this has been trending all morning. You could have at least  _ warned _ me.” 

“How was I supposed to know there would be photographers?” 

“There are always photographers, Lena,” Sam said in an empty sigh.

“She was upset, Sam. What was I supposed to do, push her away? She needed me.” 

“Yeah. And now Supergirl’s  _ need _ for you is the story on everyone’s lips. Which would be fine! If you would just let me sell the polyamory angle…”

“Becuase that’s what you think will help? Having me to pretend to be fucking two women instead of one?”

“Well, aren’t you?”

“No.”

“ _ Still _ ?” Sam exclaimed.

“Oh, for God’s sake, Sam,” Lena practically growled, feeling defensive. “I’m not discussing this with you right now.” 

“Fine. Just...keep the PDA limited to when Kara is in street clothes. Please? And keep me in the fucking  _ loop _ next time.” 

“Sure. Want me to facetime you in to our dinner date later so you don’t miss anything?” 

“Why, feeling into exhibitionism lately?” 

“Oh, shut up,” Lena spat, feeling far more defensive of her and Kara’s relationship than usual. 

“What?” Sam said with a helpless laugh. “Like you two hooking up isn’t inevitable. You were practically on top of each other last night.” 

“She was having a rough day. She needed...” 

“She  _ needed _ her wife to give her an orgasm or two,” Sam interrupted. 

“Fuck you,” Lena snapped fiercely. 

“Whoa!” Sam responded. “It was just a joke.” 

“Well you don’t have any idea what Kara’s going through or what she  _ needs _ , so keep the jokes to yourself.” 

Sam shook her head. 

“God, I forgot how  _ moody _ being in love makes you.” 

“I’m...not…” Lena stuttered.

“Oh, spare me,” Sam said, still light hearted and smiling despite Lena’s...well, yeah, moodiness. She hadn’t slept much, after all. “We have things to do other than discuss your love life. Like that budget meeting in half an hour? Ring any bells?” 

“Ugh, fuck my day,” Lena said, and picked up the binder Sam slid towards her to begin prepping for the meeting.

*

Kara had a terrible headache when she woke up. Which only happened when…

Oh yeah. 

Kara’s stomach dropped, remembering only fragments of her nightmare from the night before, but enough to send a cold, sickening shiver through her body. The feeling was only ebbed away from the memory of Lena holding her, stroking her hair, staying up with her until she could breathe again…

Maybe Kara should have felt hopeful about how close Lena was getting to her again. Maybe she should have felt conflicted becuase their growing closeness came with a veritable hurricane of other conflicting feelings and struggles they were trying to brave together. She should have felt  _ something _ .

Instead she just felt...numb. And fucking  _ tired _ .

Kara sat up in bed, feeling like she’d been punched in the face a few dozen times. But it was just the swelling from crying through half the night. Which wasn’t unhealthy at all. 

She had a text from Nia, which was weird because she typically was not a morning person, and refused to communicate with other people until at least 10 am. But when she opened the link Nia had sent her, she realized why she had made an exception. 

“Thought you’d want to see this before one of our junior reporters inevitably gets tasked with a follow up piece,” Nia wrote, and attached a suggestive tabloid article with a picture of Lena and Supergirl hugging during yesterday's...scuffle.

“Shit,” Kara whispered to herself, letting herself fall back onto the pillow with a dramatic thwump. 

She needed a break. She needed to get away from all this drama and get back to feeling like herself again.

Fortunately, such an opportunity was about to present itself…

Kara was taking her time brushing her teeth, fully planning on being late for work anyhow, when her phone rang, the contact on the screen someone that Kara hadn’t seen reach out in a regretfully long time. She hastily spit the minty goop out of her mouth so she could answer. 

“Kate!” she said excitedly into the phone. “How have you been?” 

* 

Budget meetings were a bitch. But Lena had survived it. It wasn’t all gloom and doom, anyhow. The company was doing better than even she expected, all things considered. All she had to do now was “buckle down and prioritize the next quarter’s business over everything else”, as the grouchiest of the old men on her payroll had put it.

Too bad Lena didn’t give a single fuck about buckling down and just wanted to get home to Kara.

It was strange. She knew things weren’t going to be light or easy between them when they were together again, but she still wanted to be in Kara’s presence, no matter how turbulent or strained, more than she wanted anything else. She wanted a bad day with Kara more than she had ever wanted a good day by herself. And if she got her way, their days together were only going to get better and better.

Lena’s hand hovered over the knob of the apartment door. Despite her yearning to be with her again, Lena had never felt this nervous to see Kara before. Everything felt...different now. Something had changed inside her. She didn’t hate the change. She just had no idea what to do with it other than to pour all of it out of her at Kara’s feet and see what happened next. 

With a final, silent pep talk, Lena opened the front door. Normally she would be met with the sight of Kara watching TV, reading a book, writing an article, or stuffing her face with all the foods she knew Lena didn’t like before she got home. But the only thing she saw this time when she entered the apartment was a packed bag sitting on the floor. 

Lena stared at it with tunnel vision, mind racing with possible explanations. 

“Kara?” Lena called out into the apartment, voice more desperate than was dignified. 

“Hang on, be right there!” she heard Kara call from the bedroom, and Lena sighed in relief.

A moment later, Kara padded her way out to the entryway, wearing her supersuit. 

“Hey,” she said brightly, picking the bag up off the ground and plopping it onto the kitchen counter. 

“Uh. Hi,” Lena replied, feeling a whole lot like she had missed something. “What, uh. What’s going on?” 

“Hmm? Oh, right. I was gonna call and tell you, but I knew you were in meetings all day, and I didn’t want to interrupt.” 

“Tell me what, exactly?” Lena asked, growing more and more nervous by the second.

“I’m going to Gotham for a few days,” Kara said in as blase a tone as if she had announced that she was going to the grocery store.

Lena was stunned.

“Gotham?” she asked, trying not to let her words choke on a wave of disappointment “Why are you going to Gotham?” 

“Well, Kate called this morning and asked if I’d come help her take out a mob ring? Something about how the local cops aren’t willing to work with her on it, and she thought having a Super back her up might change their minds.”

Lena was still reeling from all the new information Kara was throwing at her, but her mind still managed to stick on the name.

“Kate who?” she asked, feeling like she was talking to herself as Kara rushed around the apartment gathering up her things. 

“You know, Kate Kane! Oh, right, you don’t know. Kate Kane, AKA Batwoman. She said to say hi. Anyway, I have to-” 

“Kara!” Lena finally burst out, and Kara stopped dead in her tracks, and turned to face Lena. 

“Yeah?”

“I mean...you’re just...leaving?” 

If Kara had genuinely been under the impression that her taking off like this wasn’t a big deal, she would have been willing to look Lena in the eye for more than a second at a time. But she didn’t. 

“Lena,” Kara said carefully. “Kate needs my help. I wasn’t just gonna tell her no. Not after everything she’s done for me.” 

“But I…” Lena said with a sharp intake of breath before she blurted out what she was thinking. “Did I do something wrong?” 

Kara blinked. 

“What are you talking about? Of course not.”

“Then why are you just...taking off like this with no notice and acting like it’s not a big deal? It feels like you’re running, Kara.” 

Kara took a deep breath, letting herself slow down to a normal pace for the first time since Lena walked in the door. She stepped closer to Lena, and took her hands in her own. 

“Running from what? From you?” Kara gave Lena a sympathetic smile. “That would never happen. But, I mean, I feel like this came at the right time. I’m...I’m not feeling like myself right now. So I think a little change of scenery will be good for me, to get my head back on straight.” 

“But, Kara-”

“And who knows,” Kara pressed on, “maybe a few days away from me and my angst and my high expectations will be good for you, too. For both of us.” 

Kara let go of Lena’s hands and grabbed her bag. 

“Kara,” Lena tried to reason. “That’s not seriously how you see yourself, is it?” 

“Look, I gotta go,” Kara said, avoiding the question. “But I already ordered delivery for you, Miss I-Forget-To-Eat. I will call as often as I can, and I put Kate’s phone number on the fridge so you can get ahold of her in case I don’t call for whatever reason.” 

As she walked towards the door, she topped, turned, and moved to pull Lena into a tight hug. 

“I’ll see you in a few days, okay?” she said into Lena’s hair, lingered in their hug for another moment, and then pulled away, trying not to let Lena see the mist in her eyes as she shut the door behind her. 

And then Lena was left alone, pretty sure that a massive hole had just been blown through their relationship.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Anyway the 100th episode said "Supercorp rights" and I'm a gonna keep being a fucking fool and watching this fucking show because of it. 
> 
> PS pls dont yell at me for how this chapter ended, something like this had to happen before any progress could be made towards endgame. If I've said it once I'll say it a hundred more times: JUST TRUST ME!!! :D 
> 
> Love yinz,  
Tess


	12. Big Romantic Gestures Always Work!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Playlist:  
Come Back...Be Here  
How You Get The Girl  
New Romantics
> 
> (Note: I did next to no research about Batwoman before writing this. I haven't had time to get into watching the show. I'm basing my understanding of Kate Kane's character solely off watching most of the pilot episode and from tumblr. So don't get your hopes up too high)

_ “Hey, uh, Lena?”  _

“Yeah?” Lena asked out loud, even though she didn’t need to.

_ “I know I told you to explore your memories freely, but I’m kinda getting whiplash from you dragging me around in here.”  _

“Oh...sorry.” 

Lena had been trying to work with Nia and Kelly on searching her mind for her lost memories at least once a week since they had started, but with everyone having such busy schedules, they had agreed Nia and Kelly could alternate appointments, with Kelly going the clinical route and Nia the telepathic one. 

Lena felt Nia pull them slowly out of the maze of Lena’s memories until they were in the familiar imagined blank white room they made their way to at the beginning and end of each session. 

“What exactly were you looking for?” Nia asked, creating a couch for them to sit on while she decompressed and untangled her mind from Lena’s. 

“Kryptonian,” Lena said simply, sitting next to her. “I could speak it before.” 

“Right. Yeah, you did,” Nia confirmed. 

“I thought that I might be able to find it more easily than my other memories. The language center of the brain works differently than other kinds of memory. It’s more concrete, I guess. I thought that if I could find that, it could be the link to finding the rest of it.”

“Is there any other reason you want to remember Kryptonian so badly?” Nia said in a knowing tone. 

“I don’t know what you mean,” Lena lied. 

“Uh huh. Like you didn’t all but slam the door in my face when we passed by that steamy little memory of you and Kara before the gala.” 

“It’s not just that…” Lena said, annoyed at how vulnerable and open she had to make herself in order to accept Nia’s help.

Nia had to have caught on to what was going on. She was in Lena’s head for God’s sake. Even if she was too polite to bring it up, Nia had to know that Kara had left last night with no warning, and it had left Lena confused and worried that she had done something wrong. And the more Lena tried to figure out what had gone wrong, the more her mind kept going back to Kara’s home planet, of the trauma that losing it had caused her. And that led her to remembering how much it had meant to Kara that Lena knew Kryptonian. And that if she could understand that side of Kara better, if she could get that knowledge back, then maybe she could get Kara back.

“Can we wrap this up?” Lena said suddenly. “I’ve had enough of being in my own head.” 

A moment later, they were sitting back on the couch in Lena’s office, Nia releasing her grip on Lena’s temples and stretching after sitting in the same position for nearly an hour. 

“Thank you again for making time for me, Nia. I wish you’d let me reimburse you somehow.” 

“Don’t be silly. We’re friends. It’s what friends do.” 

“Right. Of course we are. But still.” 

“Seriously, Lena,” Nia said with a chuckle, completely used to Lena trying to offer whatever she could to Nia every time they wrapped up an appointment. “Don’t worry about it. Can I make a suggestion, though?” 

“Shoot.” 

“If you want to know Kryptonian so badly, why don’t you just re-teach it to yourself?” 

“But...I can’t. Without Kara…”

“You don’t need Kara here to teach you. You didn’t learn it from her the first time. You taught yourself.”

Lena felt her eyebrows furrow in confusion.

“There’s a museum in the city dedicated to Krypton,” Nia explained. “There’s a book there, a proverbial Rosetta stone, if you will. The museum normally doesn’t let anyone look at it, but, seeing as you’re Supergirl’s best friend,” she said with a wink, “I’m sure you could convince them otherwise.” 

Lena stared at Nia for a moment. She had felt so lost and disheartened since Kara had left. She had no idea what to do with herself, or how to fix it. Who would have thought that all she had to do was ask for help from her friends? Lena was overwhelmed with enough gratitude to pull Nia into a tight hug. 

“Whoa, okay,” Nia croaked as Lena squeezed her tightly, “The hugging is new.” 

“Thank you, Nia,” Lena said. 

“Sure,” she replied. 

Before Nia exited the office, she turned back to Lena. 

“If you don’t mind my asking...where did Kara go?” 

“What, you didn’t see the conversation?” Lena said, pointing to her own head.

“In your memories? No. It wasn’t my place to look. You don’t have to tell me…”

“No. It’s fine,” Lena said as she rolled her head around slowly to stretch her cramping neck. “She went to Gotham to visit her friend Kate.” 

Something washed over Nia’s face that Lena couldn’t quite place. It was a mixture of surprise and concealed knowing like she was trying to keep a secret. 

“Kate Kane? Really?” Nia asked, trying to keep her tone as neutral as she could. 

Lena felt a chill in her veins, one that threatened to confirm the suspicions she already had. 

“Yeah. Why?” Lena pressed.

Nia shrugged unconvincingly. 

“No reason. Good luck with that book,” she said, and scurried out the door.

  
  


*

“So you just up and left?” Kate whispered. 

Kara rolled her eyes, resisting the urge to yell because now was not the time nor the place

“I’m sorry,” Kara said sarcastically instead. “Are you sure you don’t mean to say ‘hey, thanks, Kara. I really appreciate you coming all the way out here to lend me a hand’?”

“Well. Of course I’m glad you’re here, Kara,” Kate said in earnest. “But...it does seem a little bit like you’re...you know…”

“What?” Kara spat.

Kate’s facial expression remained calm, soft, understanding. They had gone toe to toe before. It was nothing she couldn’t handle.

“Like you’re running from something,” Kate murmured. 

Kara knew that Kate was coming from a good place. That she was trying to help. But she didn’t want to hear it. Not right now. 

“And what is it you’ve been doing for the past six months, Kate? With the whole going ‘off the map’ thing?” 

“It’s off the grid, Kara.” 

“Whatever, same thing. Point is, if either of us is  _ running _ , it’s not me.” 

“Shh!” Kate insisted suddenly, and looked down from their perch to check for movement. A stray cat bolted through the warehouse, scaring the shit out of both of them.

“Little asshole,” Kate scolded in the direction of the now long gone feline. “It  _ means... _ that I had to sever all ties for a while. Get rid of my phone, everything, so that these fuckers wouldn’t find me out and come after the people I love. Which includes you.” 

Kara frowned, only a little regretful for being so hard on Kate’s for being MIA for so long. And yeah, maybe some of her frustration was misdirected at Kate instead of at herself and her own situation…

As a peace offering, Kara let her hand fall between them where they were crouched, which Kate took and squeezed.

“What I’m trying to say is,” Kate continued, releasing Kara’s hand and turning to get a fresh angle from their lookout. “I’m sorry I wasn’t there for you guys after Lena’s accident. And I’m sorry it took me this long to reach out. If I had known…” 

“There’s nothing you could have done,” Kara said with a small, understanding smile. “Unless you happen to know a cure for amnesia.” 

“Unfortunately not.” 

“Yeah. So,” Kara sighed. “You’re forgiven. Now where the hell are these guys?” 

“They should have been here by now,” Kate said, checking her watch anxiously before looking around again. “If they don’t show, it means I have bad intel. And if I have bad intel, then we are definitely screwed.” 

“Well that’s reassuring. Wait, I hear something.” 

Kara and Kate ducked down, simultaneously turning their heads around their respective corners of the hideout, so they both could see at least ten burly guys filtering in through the sliding metal door of the northwest corner of the warehouse. And then the door of the southeast corner opened, and another ten burly men came strutting in from there. After a quick scan, Kara concluded that most of the men had firearms hidden somewhere on their person.

“Armed?” Kate asked as quietly as she could. 

Kara nodded.

“Fuck,” Kate whispered, and turned back to her hiding spot. 

“What is it?” Kara asked. 

“Too much braun. Not enough brain. This was supposed to be a meeting between the two rival leaders. But it looks like both sides had the same idea to send in the guns instead and blow each other away.” 

“So what do we do?” 

Kate thrummed her fingers anxiously against her belt buckle. 

“This is gonna get ugly, fast,” Kate thought aloud. “Now, if it were up to me, I’d go ahead and let the bad guys kill each other off.” 

“Kate, you know I can’t condone that.” 

“Right. I should have remembered that enlisting a Super for help comes with their Super Morals included. Though I’d like to point out that if getting involved right now ends up blowing my cover, I will be seriously pissed at you.” 

“Mm. Not possible.You love me too much.” 

“Less talking, more punching, Supergirl,” Kate said, and as the first shot rang out from below them, Kate dove down from her perch into the hoard of fighting mobsters. 

*

“I hate you,” Kate said bitterly as she held her cold beer bottle up to the big bruise on her forehead. 

“Oh, don’t be so dramatic. You’ll live,” Kara said with a laugh. 

“Says the girl who is all but invulnerable to pain.” 

“And alcohol. Unlike you. So,” Kara reached over the counter and helped herself to a bottle of tequila, knowing her way around Kate’s bar well enough to be able to find a shot glass from the shelf under the counter without having to feel around too much. “Maybe some of this will help.” 

“Tryna get me drunk, Danvers?” 

“I’m trying to get you out of your bad mood. Come on! This is the closest thing I’ve had to a vacation in what feels like forever.” 

“So your idea of a vacation is helping your friend beat up some drug smugglers on her quest to capture their boss and keep her identity a secret?” 

“Yep.” 

“Ever hear of a beach?” 

Despite herself, Kara’s mind drifted off to her honeymoon. 

_ Kara was lying on a private beach in Greece, while Lena hid from the sun in their lavishly furnished pavilion a few feet away, wearing a ridiculously large floppy hat and sunglasses. Kara had already made the comparison of Lena’s fear of getting sunburnt to the Wicked Witch of the West’s fear of water. Of course, that was a terrible comparison, considering that the way that Lena was sprawled out on the couch inside the pavilion made her look more like Cleopatra… _

_ Kara was laying in the sand, eyes closed, listening to the waves and feeling like a battery being charged as she soaked up the sun’s rays. That was, until she was distracted by a figure blocking the light and casting a shadow over her.  _

_ “Are you gonna lie out here all day?” Lena asked her playfully.  _

_ “Are you gonna hide in that bougie tent all day?” Kara retorted, keeping her eyes closed.  _

_ “Yes.” _

_ “Then yes.”  _

_ Lena huffed indignantly. _

_ “Well, then. Look at us,” she said. “Only married for two days and already we can’t agree on anything.”  _

_ “Mm,” Kara replied, taking a one eyed peek at Lena standing over her, very clearly uncomfortable due to the abundance of sunshine. “I’d suggest an annulment, but I was really hoping to stick around long enough to qualify for some of that sweet alimony money.”  _

_ Lena gasped in mock horror.  _

_ “I knew it! Mother warned me about pretty girls just after me for my money!” she said, clutching a hand to her heart like a character in a soap opera. _

_ “Yep. You’re just lucky you’re so cute, Makes me think that I might stick around awhile longer,” Kara said with a sly grin.  _

_ “Is that so?” Lena said, and in a moment Kara was sinking into that familiar feeling of Lena’s skin against hers as she straddled Kara’s lap and captured her lips in a slow, languid kiss before she pulled away abruptly. “Alright, now you really need to get off of this beach.”  _

_ “Why’s that?” Kara asked with a knowing grin. _

_ “Because I want to do things to you right now that will definitely get sand lodged in uncomfortable places if I do them to you out here,” Lena said as she began to trace Kara’s collarbone with her tongue. Kara wondered at how this trip had unleashed a sex drive in Lena that rivaled even when they first started dating. Lena moved her mouth in an upward trajectory until it hovered over Kara’s ear. “Couch. Now.”  _

_ “Yes, ma’am,” Kara said, picking Lena up and throwing her over her shoulder as she strode over to their pavilion, Lena giggling the whole time.  _

Kara cleared her throat, pushing old memories aside. 

“I should call Lena,” she said. 

“Yes you should,” Kate agreed, downed the shot Kara had put in front of her, and shooed Kara away so she could make her call. 

The phone rang for what felt like an eternity before Lena finally answered. 

“Kara,” she said as more of a statement than a greeting. 

“Lena, hey,” Kara replied warily. “How, um, how are you?” 

“Fine. Working on some projects in the lab.” 

“Oh. Well that’s good to hear! You haven’t really done any sciency stuff since the accident. I’m glad to hear you’re getting back into it.” 

“Yeah, well I had to find some way to occupy my time.” 

Kara couldn’t quite tell from Lena’s tone if she was pissed, sad, distracted, or a combination of all three. 

“Right. Well, um…” 

“How are things in Gotham?” Lena piped up, trying to bring the conversation back to a more civil place despite herself.

“Good. Well, not really good. Kind of weird. Kate and I hit a little snag in the plan today, so we have to come up with a new one. But it shouldn’t delay my coming home by that long.” 

“Oh. Right. You and Kate,” Lena said, tone blank. 

Suddenly Kara felt self regretful for even bringing Kate up. 

“Yeah! She um, she wanted me to say hi for her. And that she’s sorry she missed the gala.” 

“Well, I wasn’t aware she was even invited, so, no worries.” 

Lena definitely didn’t want to talk about Kate. Which was...fine. Kara couldn’t really blame her. Even if Lena didn’t know Kate, she could only guess what conclusions she had come to about her. And she wanted to tell Lena that she had nothing to worry about, that she shouldn’t worry. But she also was afraid that telling her not to be concerned would just make her suspicions worse. 

“Kara?” Lena asked, breaking up the suffocating silence that had fallen over them. Her tone was almost desperate, like she was afraid that Kara would hang up if she didn’t say something. 

“Yes?” 

“I just want you to know that...I’m not mad at you for leaving. I know I’m kind of acting like I’m mad but, you know, I get it. I get that maybe you needed some space, or some time to...” 

“Lena,” Kara breathed. “I’m just here to help a friend.” 

“I know, but,” Lena struggled. “It’s okay if that’s not the only reason you left. It’s okay if you need a break. Maybe we both do.” 

A break, Kara thought. Was that what this was? And from what? From each other? Was that even possible? 

“Lena,” Kara began, having no idea what words could fit without fracturing things further. “Just...don’t lose faith in me, okay?”

She could hear Lena’s breath hitch through the phone. 

“Never,” Lena replied, and after a few moments of silence between them, she hung up.

*

Lena frowned at her now black phone screen, wishing she had the courage to say all the things to Kara that were on the tip of her tongue. 

_ I miss you.  _

_ I want you. _

_ I don’t want to lose you. _

_ I think I love you.  _

With a regretful sigh, she turned her attention back to the book of Kryptonian language, convincing herself that somewhere within its pages was an answer to all their problems.

*

Kara trudged her way gloomily back to where she had left Kate at the bar, only to find that she was gone. After a quick scan of the room she found her chatting up a curvy redhead. 

Of course she was. 

Kara made her way over, fully planning on finding some way to embarrass Kate in front of this girl just for the fun of it.

“Hey!” Kara said, getting both girls’ attention as she slunk up next to Kate. “Don’t I know you from somewhere? Oh! I know! That furry convention last year!” 

Kate tilted her head at Kara, unimpressed. 

“Nice,” Kate said with a laugh, turning back to the redhead. “She’s kidding, by the way. Although, we accept all people from all walks of life at this bar, so check your judgement, there, blondie. Kara, this is-” 

“Hi!” the girl interrupted excitedly, thrusting a hand out for Kara to shake, though she could barely hold it upright without swaying a bit. 

“Okay, then!” Kara said, giving her a half heated handshake before turning to Kate. “So she’s drunk.” 

“Yeah. I know. I only came over here to make sure she had a way to get home safely.” 

“You two seem close!” the drunk girl pressed, too distracted to notice one of the bartenders taking her drink off of her. “How do you know each other?” 

“Well, my dear,” Kate said as she slid into the booth next to the girl. “Kara, here, was someone I was in love with for a long time. But her heart already belonged to someone else. So I guess all I can call her is ‘one of the ones that got away’. Now, come on. Let’s get you home. Kara? You think your caped friend is around for a quick drop off?” 

“Uh,” Kara said, distracted by what Kate had said. “Sure.” 

After a quick flight, one which was filled with precariously avoiding getting throw up on her suit and scaring the life out of the girl’s roommate by flying in through the window and urging her to look after the girl until she felt better, Kara popped back into the bar and found Kate behind the bar making small talk with a few of the regulars. 

“That wasn’t funny,” Kara said as she plopped down in a worn bar stool. 

“What? Flying home a drunk girl?” Kate asked as she leaned against the counter across from Kara. “I know it’s not the heroics you’re used to. But it comes with the territory.” 

“No. I meant that comment you made about me. Being your...well, you know.” 

“Why? It’s true,” Kate said matter-of-factly. 

Kara narrowed her eyes at her friend.

“Kate,” Kara scolded. 

Kate rolled her eyes. 

“What? You want me to lie about it? That’s not who I am. It’s not like it matters anymore, anyway.” 

“It matters to me! You never told me you were...that you…”

“Of course I did,” Kate said. “Several times. You just weren’t listening.” 

“I was, too,” Kara argued childishly. 

“Oh, really? So you thought that time we almost hooked up after Lena stopped talking to you was nothing? Just gals being pals?” 

“Well, I-” Kara struggled, before letting out a frustrated huff as old memories bubbled to the surface. “I was in a weird place then, okay?” 

“Yeah, I know,” Kate said, pouring a drink and tossing it down the bar towards the girl who had ordered it without Kara even noticing. “That’s why I didn’t expect anything more from you. Even if I was fucking enamored with you. It didn’t matter. I know a girl looking for a rebound when I see one.” 

Kara sighed, knowing that Kate was right but not wanting to have to admit it. 

“Don’t sweat it, Danvers,” Kate replied with a nonchalant shrug as she wiped down the bar. “No hard feelings. I still love the crap out of you, even if it’s just as a friend.”

Kara thrummed her fingertips against the polished wood of the bar. 

  
  


“I love you, too,” she finally said. “Even if you are a huge pain in my ass.” 

“Oh,  _ I’m _ the pain in the ass, now?” Kate said with a laugh. “Okay. Keep telling yourself that.” 

*

“So, if we look at the analytics we took this morning,” Lena said, pointing to the numbers on the screen that she doubted most of the men in the boardroom could even understand, “You’ll see that, now that all the bugs in the coding have been worked out, we are more than ready to move onto phase two of product rollout, which would be consumer testing. Now…”

The sound of a clearing throat called for Lena’s attention. It came from the head of finance, the bane of her existence. 

“And how much have we spent on development so far?” 

Lena forced herself not to roll her eyes. 

“The budget numbers are on page 4 of your handout.” 

“Yeah,” he said, flipping through it. “I know. But if we could just...take a moment to go over the numbers so that the rest of the board is fully aware of how much money you’re sinking into this project.” 

“Nothing that is outside of the budget  _ you _ agreed on.” 

“Yeah. For the entirety of the project. But you’re telling me we’re just now moving on to consumer testing? With 80% of the budget already spent?” 

Lena took a breath, feeling her jaw start to ache from clenching it. 

“Are you implying that I’m unable to properly allocate my company’s money?” 

“I’m saying that it’s my job to decide when a project has become too expensive to be worth the effort. I’m saying that you’re more focused on jumping from one project or from one  _ blonde _ to the next...”

“Excuse me?” Lena demanded, feeling her face go hot with anger. 

The beeping of the conference phone derailed the argument just before Lena could unleash onto him.

“Mrs. Luthor-Danvers?” her assistant paged. “Alex Danvers is here to see you.”

Lena took a breath, forcing herself to regain some composure. 

“Can you tell her I’m in a meeting?” she asked.

The assistant cleared her throat nervously. 

“She’s rather...insistent. She says it’s urgent.” 

Lena was annoyed at the interruption, but she also knew just how formidable Alex could be when she was told no.

“Alright. Tell her to wait in my office, please.” She turned back to the board. “Let me make one thing clear, ladies and gentleman. When I took over this company, I had one goal in mind. And that was to put progress and innovation first. Not profit. Now we could go around in circles, nickle and diming every project we undertake. Or. You could trust that I, as your CEO, know what I’m doing. And if you don’t, I wish you the best of luck in your search for a new job.” 

The moment that followed was supposed to be one that Lena would savor, in which she could watch her subordinates squirm under her stare, deciding whether or not they would risk their jobs by challenging her. Instead, it was interrupted by the door flying open and a young girl skipping through it until she leapt up at Lena, forcing Lena to grab her before she fell. 

“Aunt Lena!” Hannah squealed in Lena’s arms. “Hi!” 

“Sorry,” Alex said, scurrying behind her. “I told her to go straight to your office, but she saw you in here and made a run for it before I could grab her.” 

“It’s...it’s fine,” Lena said, forcing a smile for the sake of her niece at the expense of her cold boss woman reputation. 

“Whachu doing?” she asked, just now realizing that there was a room full of people with stern expressions and dreary business clothes.

“Oh,” she said, putting Hannah down, “Just talking business. That’s all.” 

“Hmm,” she replied, brow furrowing in deep thought before she turned to the board, grabbing Lena’s hand with her own. “You should listen to Aunt Lena. She smart.” 

Lena couldn’t help but laugh at the adorable derailment of her meeting. 

“Well there you have it,” she said helplessly. “Why don’t we take lunch and meet back here in an hour?” 

*

“So what’s up?” Lena asked as she shut the door to her office behind them. 

“Well I-Hannah don’t touch that!” Alex commanded just as her daughter reached for a very expensive scotch decanter. “I haven’t heard from Kara and she isn’t returning my calls. Is she okay?” 

“Yeah she’s…” Lena said, “She’s fine. She’s out of town for a few days, actually.” 

“Out of town? Why-” Alex’s question was cut short by the sound of glass shattering. “ _ Hannah _ ,” she groaned. 

Hannah turned to her mom slowly, eyes wide. “Oops,” she said. 

“It’s fine,” Lena said, amused at Hannah’s antics despite the damage. 

“Sit,” Alex commanded, pointing to the couch, and then pulled a few coloring books and crayons out of her ridiculously large purse. “I swear they feed her nothing but sugar at daycare.” 

She might have been onto something, seeing as Hannah was practically vibrating with pent up energy, which she could only let out by aggressively scribbling. 

“So. Out of town. Where?” 

“Gotham.” 

Alex looked...surprised. 

“Gotham? Something to do with Kate?” 

“Supposedly.” 

“Huh,” Alex said again, keeping her thoughts to herself as she moved to sit next to her daughter, running a hand through the girl’s hair as she processed the information. 

“Kara was having night terrors. Before she left,” Lena blurted out. “Is that common for her?” 

Alex frowned. 

“It used to be. Back when…” she looked to Hannah with a wary look, before taking out an IPad and queueing up some kids show for Hannah to watch, which she grabbed at eagerly. Alex got up and moved to stand closer to Lena so she could speak softly. “Back when she first landed here from Krypton.” 

Lena glanced at Hannah and Alex’s distraction tactic. 

“Does she not know? About Kara?” 

“Not all of it. Not the Supergirl part. You can’t really expect a child to keep that big of a secret. She knows some things that Kara can do. Mostly because people can write off ‘my aunt can fly’ as a vivid imagination.” Alex sighed. “We’ll tell her when she’s old enough to understand.”

Lena nodded, not sure if she agreed with Alex’s manipulation of the truth to her daughter but not able to think of a better alternative to their unique situation. 

“So. You think Kara took off because of what happened in the park?” 

Lena shrugged, feeling a question sitting on the tip of her tongue like a lead weight. 

“You said that I would know what to do to help her. And I suppose I did. But it wasn’t enough.” 

“I’m sure that’s not true, Lena.” 

“Maybe not. But do you think this Kate is any better at caring for Kara than I am?” 

Alex blinked, caught off guard by her question. 

“You’re jealous,” she said, more as a statement than a question. 

“I’m not,” Lena replied stubbornly. 

“You  _ are _ ,” Alex insisted, more amused than she should have been.

“I’m not! Or I  _ wasn’t _ . Until both you and Nia gave me that look that made me think that I have a reason to be. So. What is she to Kara? A vigilante coworker? A friend? An  _ ex _ ?”

“Lena…” Alex protested. “Kara is my sister. This isn’t something I feel comfortable talking about.” 

“So an ex, then. Great.” 

“Oh, come on, Lena,” Alex began to say, and then conceded with a slump of her shoulders. “Honestly, I don’t even know for sure. They were...close for a while. Before you two...well, what do you want me to say, Lena? We all have our ‘almosts’. Yours is currently down the hall, for God’s sake.” 

“Yeah. Yours, too,” Lena snapped. 

Alex seemed surprised, wide eyes glancing over to her daughter to see if she had heard, but she was completely absorbed in her show. 

“What?” Lena asked. “Sam and I are best friends. We tell each other things.”

“Fine,” Alex said, trying to contain her sudden frustration at her sister-in-law. “That just proves my point, then. Kara is with you, now, in...whatever you guys are calling your arrangement at the moment.” 

“It’s not her I’m worried about.” 

Alex crossed her arms, unimpressed by Lena’s response.

“Oh, yes it is. Look, this isn’t about Kate. You’re just more attached to Kara than you want to admit, and you’re feeling insecure because she’s not here for you to be all...mushy over. And, yeah, it’s a little...unlike her to just take off like that. But that doesn’t mean she’s gonna go do something stupid like mess up your relationship.” 

Lena exhaled slowly, trying not to visibly react to any of what Alex had said. 

“It sucks, doesn’t it?” Alex asked after a moment. 

“What?” 

“How vulnerable love makes you,” she said, looking over at her and her wife’s child with adoration. “Don’t worry, though. It makes you stronger, too, if you let it.” 

*

Lena wasn’t going to call. She  _ wasn’t _ . She…

Ah, fuck it.

Lena put the phone on speaker and set it down on the lab table next to her so she could continue to work on a piece of tech one of the interns had fucking  _ broke _ . She had been pissed beyond belief when she heard the sound of ten of thousands of dollars worth of experimental hardware crack and clatter against the tile floor, but to be honest, tinkering with broken things was always very relaxing for Lena. 

“Yes?” A deep female voice answered. So that’s what she sounded like. 

“Miss Kane, I presume?” Lena asked, reaching for her jewelers loupe so she could get a closer look at what she was doing. 

“Are you...trying to be dramatic right now, Lena? I have your number in my contacts. I know it’s you.” 

“Right. Yeah. Obviously,” Lena said, trying not to feel stupid.

“So...is there something you need?” she asked, sounding exerted and slightly out of breath. “Cuz I’m kind of in the middle of something right now.” 

“In the middle of...what, exactly?” Lena asked, trying not to let her imagination wander too much. 

Kate laughed. 

“Just beating up bad guys, Lena. Which I really should get back to. So...can you just ask what it is you called to ask already?” 

“Fine...is Kara okay?”

“She’s still in one piece, if that’s what you mean. But...of course that’s not what you mean. Or you would have called her. And not me.” 

There was a thud, and a groan, followed by a moment of dead air on the other line, before Lena heard the heavy breathing again. 

“Seriously, I gotta go. Look, you wanna know how Kara is? Come to Gotham and find out for yourself.” 

Lena balked. 

“What? I...I can’t do that.” 

“Of course you can. You have a whole fleet of private jets, right?” 

“Well. Yeah. But I figured she...didn’t want to see me.” 

Kate groaned. 

“God, you’re both so useless. Look. Kara misses you. And everyone loves a big romantic gesture. So. Come to Gotham and surprise her. Or don’t, I literally don’t care either way. I have my own shit to worry about. Now I gotta hang up before I lose the respect of these overly aggressive gangsters. Later, Lena,” Kate said, and hung up.

Lena put her tools down, thinking. 

She couldn’t just…

Or could she?

Before putting the now fixed piece of equipment back where it belonged, Lena sent out a quick text to Sam. 

_ Taking a personal day tomorrow, cover for me.  _

Lena’s mind was made up. She wasn’t even dissuaded when Sam replied, saying  _ ‘you’re the fucking worst’. _

Big romantic gesture. Yeah. She could do that. 

*

“Kate? Kate!” Supergirl demanded as she rounded the corner. 

They had already gotten separated twice. This place was more like a labyrinth than a bad guy hideout. Kate shrugged the now unconcious guy she had been fighting off of her, and pocketed her cell phone. 

“Were you on the phone?” Kara asked in disbelief. “Who makes phone calls during a fight?” 

“Me, apparently,” she replied, sounding annoyed for reasons Kara couldn’t begin to guess at. 

“Well, come on!” Kara insisted. “I think I found the guy you’re looking for. But he’s getting away!” 

* 

“Alright, Kate, where do you hide the good stuff?” Kara asked as she rifled through the shelves behind the bar. It was still early in the night, so there were only a few customers scattered throughout the booths and bar stools, none of them paying Kara any mind other than an occasional curious glance at the new face amongst a sea of regulars. Especially one that seemed to know Kate and her bar so well.

“What? You don’t approve of my selection?” Kate asked.

“Come on, like you don’t keep a stash for special occasions. And this is a special occasion, Kate! We got the guy! So let’s  _ celebrate _ .” 

Kate sighed in the way that let Kara know that she was going to get her way. 

“Fine. There’s a cubby hole between the cash registers.” 

Kara ducked down to find what Kate was referring to. Inside the well hidden shelf just above floor level was a few bottles of expensive wine that would make even Lena jealous, an old scotch, and something  _ incredibly _ interesting. Something she hadn’t seen the likeness of anywhere but at the alien bar in National City.

“Kate?” Kara asked as she lifted the dark green, unlabeled bottle out from the back of the cubby hole. “Is this what I think it is?” 

Kate shrugged knowingly. 

“What? National City isn’t the only place with thirsty aliens.” 

“And you waited until  _ now _ to tell me you had this?” Kara exclaimed. 

“Well, yeah. Supergirl is no good to me with a hangover.” 

“First of all, rude. Second, do you mind?” she asked, waggling the bottle for emphasis. 

“This is your vacation, apparently. So. Go nuts.” 

*

Lena probably should have slept. Or read a book. Or done anything other than sit through the whole flight worrying and wondering if she was making a mistake by flying out to Gotham. Kate had texted her the address of her bar. because of course she owned a bar. She couldn’t help but wonder if she had told Kara that Lena was coming. Did it matter if she had? Would Kara be excited to hear the news? Or disappointed?

Lena had a driver take her from the airport to Kate’s bar, only she asked him to drop her off a few blocks away, thinking it might make her arrival more...subtle. But there was something...off about this city. And it wasn’t just the gloomy starkness of the skyscrapers and dark, grimy alleys that made her wonder why anyone in their right mind would want to live here. No. There was something...missing here that she had grown accustomed to without realizing it. It took her three blocks of being lost trying to find the address for her to notice it. 

There were no journalists. Or photographers. Or generally curious eyes tracking her movements or snapping her picture or asking her questions. 

No one knew Lena here. Or perhaps more accurately, no one cared who she was here. It was...refreshing. And it was almost enough to make her understand why Kara seemed to want to linger here. 

Then again, she certainly didn’t look like herself. After what felt like hours of agitatedly rummaging through her closets, trying to find something  _ perfect _ , she decided that maybe she should take a page out of Kara’s book. Kara just threw on whatever she found first, and somehow always managed to look cute. And she wasn’t going to a gala or a board meeting, anyway. Lena was going to a gay bar to make a move on her wife. And that put her in the precarious situation of needing to wear something that made her look phenomenal but also didn’t clash terribly with the more casual dress code the rest of the patrons would likely adhere to. So she picked her tightest black jeans, her most low-cut tank top, and a green long sleeve shirt she could roll up just right to achieve the carefully casual aesthetic she was looking for. And she let her hair down. Lena almost  _ never _ let her hair down. When she did, she could tell that it had an  _ effect _ on Kara, and that was the exact effect she was going for. 

Bright pride flags bordered the doorway of what she had to assume was Kate’s bar. Part of Lena hoped they wouldn’t be inside, hoped that Kara was still off on her distracting adventures so that Lena could change her mind and go home before Kara even found out she was in town. What was it that Lena was so afraid of? Was she afraid Kara wouldn’t be happy to see her? Or that she would be too preoccupied with Kate to want to see her? Or was she just afraid of the inevitability that Kara would ask her why she had come? And when she did, Lena would finally have to tell her how she felt. Because no one just casually flies across the country to see someone because they missed them after only being away for three days. There’s nothing casual about that. Only someone very not-casually in love would do that…

Yeah. The way Lena’s gut twisted in response to even thinking the word told her that that was definitely the part getting to her the most. But it was also a relief. An ‘oh my god I can finally  _ breathe’ _ kind of relief to just admit it, even if it was just to herself. 

Lena was in love with her wife. What a fucking concept. 

There was a dull thumping of dance music radiating out from the other side of the door. Lena had always had a conflicted love/hate relationship with bars and clubs. There was a feral part of Lena’s mind that was always waiting to be released and get drunk and dance on tables and forget for five fucking minutes who she was and just have some idiotic fun. And then there was the part of Lena that kept that shit reigned in and locked away because bars are dirty and noisy and no place for a woman as powerful and dignified as Lena Luthor. But, like she had already observed, no one cared about who Lena Luthor was here. So maybe, for once, that side of her wasn’t needed. 

Lena took a breath. Collected all of her scattered and conflicting thoughts, stuffed them in a box, put that box inside of another box, and opened the door to the bar. 

The music instantly got louder without the barrier of the door. Thankfully, there were no flashing or strobing lights, or Lena might have had to call it a night before it even started. But despite the dim lighting, there was no hiding, based on the colorful decorations, that Lena was definitely in a gay bar. And it was packed. 

So maybe Gotham wasn’t so bad. 

Lena wasn’t sure if she’d ever been inside a gay bar. She probably had since meeting Kara, seeing as she was now a hugely public lesbian, but she’d never been to one that she could remember. She didn’t know what she should have expected. But this was utterly...normal. As Lena looked around at the place, the only thing that really stuck out to her as different was the praise worthy lack of straight guys leering at her and any other woman that came near them. 

But she wasn’t here to do a sociological write up of straight versus gay bars. She was here to find Kara and tell her...well…

She was kind of planning on winging that part. 

If she ever managed to find Kara. 

Lena wasn’t one for pushing through throngs of people, so she tried her best to scan the crowd from her unoccupied haven by the door. She had never met Kate, so that wasn’t going to help. And while she had admittedly done a fair share of googling of Batwoman, just to see who she was dealing with, her mask and obviously fake red hair concealed her appearance enough that Lena couldn’t begin to try and pick her out of a crowd. She could have just looked up Kate herself, or gone through Kara’s stuff until she found something of her, a picture or otherwise. But that was definitely not healthy, so she forced herself to refrain. 

So if Lena couldn’t find Kate, she imagined it would be easy enough to spot a beautiful blonde built like an olympian with a smile like the damn sun…

And yet, she couldn’t find Kara. Lena started to get discouraged. But what had she expected? That she would open the door, and Kara would be standing right there, only to light up at the sight of her like and realize how much she had missed her, and leap into her arms for the best kiss of their lives, causing the whole bar to erupt in applause? 

Well. It had been one of the possible scenarios Lena had pictured during her flight. 

What if Kara and Kate weren’t even here? What if they were off on some heroic adventure, the rush of adrenaline clouding their judgement long enough to rekindle their old flame while Lena stood here alone in a bar like an idiot as the potential love of her life fell for someone else? 

Damn, maybe she did need a therapist. 

The music died down for a moment as there was a lull between songs. The bar was a reasonable decibel of noise just long enough for Lena to hear it. That laugh. The most boisterous, dorky, adorable laugh Lena had ever heard. And it could only belong to one person. 

Lena looked to her left at the end of the bar and saw Kara, head tilted back in her laughter, loose curls flowing down her back, flannel and tight jeans hugging her body in a way that was completely unfair, with a drink in her hand. Lena felt a swelling in her chest at the sight of her, helpless to the intoxicating effect that Kara had on her.

But now that she saw her, Lena actually had to go and talk to her. Her palms started to sweat just at the thought of it. But the only alternative was to walk away and wait for Kara to come back to her. And Lena couldn’t stay away from her any longer. So she exhaled slowly, willed her hands to stop shaking, and began to weave her way through the crowd towards Kara. 

The scene that Lena was walking towards started with Kara being the focus and everything else going blurry, utterly unimportant. But as Lena slithered and elbowed her way through the throng of people dancing and drinking and yelling over the music, it was like a camera panning out and coming slowly into focus. First there was Kara happy, laughing, and then there was Kara’s hand on someone else’s forearm, squeezing slightly like she needed to grip something to keep her balance. Lena’s eyes followed Kara’s grip until she saw the woman she was holding onto: shorter than Kara but all defined muscles with a sharp jawline and edgy haircut. That was Kate. It had to be. And Kate watched Kara laughing like it was the most beautiful thing she had ever seen. And then the hand connected to Kate’s arm that Kara was clinging to so tightly reached up to tuck a strand of hair out of Kara’s face...

Lena wanted to run away. And she also wanted to charge towards this woman, Kate presumably, and throw her elbow into her face. But trying to decide between the two actions all but made Lena short circuit and stand, frozen, not three feet away from the scene unfolding in front of her. 

Why did Kate tell her to come? To show off her aptitude at trying to steal Kara away from her? 

And then Kara turned, and to Lena it felt like everything moved in slow motion. And yet she couldn’t duck away in time to avoid being seen. Kara’s eyes landed on Lena, widened, and her jaw went slack just as time sped back up to normal. 

“Lena?” Kara exclaimed, and just as Lena was sure that Kara didn’t want to see her, her slackened jaw turned into a wide, toothy smile. “Holy crap!” 

Kate pulled her hand away. Kara practically leapt away from her to get to Lena, all but shoving past a few other bar patrons until she stopped short right in front of Lena. 

“What...what are you doing here?” she asked, perplexed but looking at Lena like she was a take out box full of potstickers. 

“I…” Lena said, trying and failing to think up a good lie. “I missed you,” she finally confessed. “I know that probably sounds stupid.” 

“No,” Kara insisted earnestly, the drink in her hand sloshing a bit as she used her hands more often than usual to talk. “It’s not stupid. It’s amazing.” she dragged Lena into a rough, messy hug, sending more of the liquid in her glass spilling out onto the floor. “I missed you so much,” she said into Lena’s hair. “This is perfect.  _ You’re _ perfect. And so  _ pretty _ .” 

“Kara…” Lena began, suddenly putting two and two together as she pulled away from her suffocating embrace. “Are you...drunk?” 

Kara shrugged innocently, and then started to giggle. 

“Maybe a little.” 

“Is that even possible?” 

Kara nodded. 

“Alien booze,” she said, waggling the glass in her hand for emphasis. “Ugh, I’m so happy you’re here! Come on, let’s  _ dance _ .”

There was a whole hell of a lot for Lena to process right now. The situation with Kate, the fact that they hadn’t adressed Kara's night terror episode and how she took off after the fact. Kara being drunk on alien alcohol. The fact that Lena had really only come here to tell Kara that she was in love with her. 

But then she looked at the way Kara smiled at her: innocent, unassuming, genuinely happy to be with her again, and all of those things didn’t seem to matter so much. 

“Alright, but let me get caught up to you first.” 

“Yes!” Kara exclaimed. “But not with this,” she said, pulling her drink closer to her chest like she thought Lena might steal it. “This  _ will _ kill you.”

Kara ushered Lena over to where she had been sitting with Kate. Lena tensed, not looking forward to this introduction..

Even though they had met before. At some point. Apparently. 

Ugh, amnesia was fucking  _ annoying _ . 

“Glad to see you made it out,” Kate said with a knowing smile. It was smug and genuine at the same time. Which was the most aggravating combination possible. 

Kara’s eyes widened in response to what Kate had said. 

“You knew she was coming to Gotham?” she said in a squeak. 

Kate shrugged. 

“I sort of told her to.” 

“ _ Her _ is right here. And  _ I _ am capable of making her own choices about when and how I want to see my wife, thank you very much.” 

Lena had wanted to seem intimidating to Kate. But the way Kara and Kate shared a laugh in response sort of ruined the effect. 

“What?” Lena asked, annoyed. 

“Nothing,” Kate said, smiling as she shook her head at Lena and proceeded to pour a shot and slide it over to her. “It’s just that some things never change.”

“Meaning?”

“You don’t like Kate,” Kara explained simply. “because you get jealous. Which is silly. Because she never stood a chance compared to you.” 

“Not for lack of trying, I’m sure,” Lena muttered. 

“You gonna keep talking shit on me in my own bar, Luthor? Or are you gonna drink your fucking drink and have a good fucking time?” 

  
  


Lena narrowed her eyes at Kate. Her quick wit and sarcastic attitude were enough to make Lena think that she would like her if she weren’t so intrinsically and mysteriously connected to Kara. 

“Fine,” Lena said, and tossed back the shot Kate had poured her without breaking eye contact with her.

“There you go,” Kate said with a grin. “Although you are right. I did try.” 

Kate winked. Lena wanted to be furious with her, but she got the sense that being an asshole was just Kate’s default behaviour. Even if it was maddening. And if Kara wanted Lena and Kate to get along, then Lena would have to just resist the urge to punch her in the face.

For the time being.

*

Lena stopped keeping track of how many shots Kate poured for her. The music seemed to get louder, but less noticeable at the same time. Kara recounted stories of her and Kate fighting bad guys in more and more laughable situations, leading Lena to wonder how they weren’t dead yet. Well, Kate at least. 

Kara’s hand kept finding Lena’s, squeezing it like she wanted to make sure Lena was really there. Lena kept idly remembering why she had come here in the first place. But this place was loud and unromantic. And even though she had wanted to make some grandiose gesture once they were reunited, she was willing to settle with the reassurance that love came in many languages. Like flying across the country because you just wanted to see someone’s smile again, for instance. And maybe that was enough of a gesture for the moment. Or maybe she could find another way to tell Kara...

“Come on,” Lena said, gripping Kara’s hand more insistently than before. 

“Where are we going?” 

“You said you wanted to dance.”

Lena led Kara through the crowd until they found a space in the dance floor large enough for them to squeeze together in. Kara slotted her body against Lena’s, her ass connecting against Lena’s hips in a perfect fit as she swayed with the music, Lena helpless to do anything but follow her lead and try not to get overwhelmed too quickly by the sudden contact after days of being starved of Kara’s...everything. 

Lena couldn’t discern what kind of music they were listening to, she could only comprehend the pulsing of the bass and the way Kara’s body moved in synch to it. Lena should have cared that they were in a very public place. But god help her, between the alcohol and the yearning and the fucking sinful way Kara pressed into Lena’s hips, her hand moving to grip the back of Lena’s neck and pull her closer, she didn’t care who saw them as long as Kara didn’t stop. 

“I can’t believe you came all the way to Gotham to see me,” Kara murmured, tilting her head back so her lips nearly connected with Lena’s ear. 

“Like I said,” Lena replied, cheeks flushed. When did it get so warm? “I missed you.” 

Kara turned around suddenly, interlocking her hands on the small of Lena’s back and pressing her chest flush against Lena’s, eyes glassy and lips turned up in a smirk, using her interlocked hands to make Lena sway with her to the music. 

“How much did you miss me?” 

Lena rolled her eyes playfully. 

“Really? We’re gonna play that game?” she asked.

“I want to  _ hear _ it,” Kara said in a low whisper. 

Lena gulped, wondering if now was the best time to say what was coming to mind. But the alcohol took away her inhibitions enough for her to say ‘fuck it’. Praying that she had learned the pronunciation correctly, she inhaled slowly and strung together the words she needed from what she had taught herself from the book of Kryptonian language before speaking them aloud. 

“I very, very missed you,” she said in the alien tongue. 

The amiable, tipsy smile on Kara’s mouth disappeared. Her eyes widened as she really  _ looked _ at Lena. 

“What did you just say?” she asked.

“I, I’m sorry, did I not say that right?” Lena asked, worried she was butchering Kara’s native language from never hearing it and from being a little drunk. 

“No, I-” the music was drowning out their conversation. Kara huffed, frustrated, and moved to drag Lena off to a hallway next to the bathroom. “Did you remember how to-”

“Oh. No,” Lena said, regretting inadvertently getting Kara’s hopes up. “I thought relearning it might spark a memory. It didn’t. But I still wanted you to hear it. Because I know how much it meant to you that I could speak it.” 

Kara’s expression softened, and she reached up to cup Lena’s cheek with her hand. 

“You are the most wonderful person,” she said, or more like yelled because they were still in a very unromantically loud bar. “I missed you so much. I…”

Lena knew what Kara was keeping herself from saying. It was the same thing on the tip of her own tongue. 

“I have to tell you something,” Lena said, leaning in close so that Kara could hear her clearly. 

The result of Lena moving closer towards Kara was that Kara ended up pressed against the wall across from the bathroom doors, looking at Lena with a sudden hunger. The effect of that look was immediate. Lena was already worked up from Kara’s  _ abilities _ on the dance floor, and the ache that had settled in between her legs only grew more unavoidable as Kara hooked one of Lena’s belt loops with her pointer finger, dragging Lena by her hips even closer to her.

Kara shook her head slightly, her curls bouncing from the motion. 

“Not now,” she said, her voice breathy. “Don’t tell me now.”

“But-” Lena began to protest. 

Kara beamed brightly, like the knowledge of what was left unsaid was enough to overwhelm her with happiness. 

“Not  _ now _ ,” she insisted, positively giddy, and moved suddenly to close the gap between them, her lips crashing into Lena’s desperately. 

It wasn’t the romantic, movie worthy scene Lena had imagined when she pictured this moment, the two of them kissing for the first time just because they wanted to, because it finally felt right, and not because they had to or because one of them was half asleep and forgot that they didn’t do that all the time anymore. Of all the places Lena would have liked this to happen, outside the bathroom of a bar owned by a girl she was pretty sure had tried to fuck Kara at some point was not at the top of her list. 

But Lena sunk into it anyway. Hungrily, greedily. She knew how much she had been yearning to kiss Kara again but god  _ damn _ she didn’t think she would come undone so quickly by it. Lena used her hips to press Kara back against the wall, hands too busy getting lost in her curls to be of any use. Kara moaned into Lena’s mouth, the potent sweetness on her tongue as it traced the inside of Lena’s bottom lip likely was from whatever the hell she had been drinking earlier. It would have been easy, too easy, for Lena to completely lose herself in this moment. She would have no problem forgetting all about her big romantic plans and settling on dragging Kara into the nearest bathroom stall or closet to have her way with her right then and there. because how the  _ hell _ was she supposed to stop herself now? When Kara was moving her hand from Lena’s belt loop to the button of her pants and holding it between her fingers like a dare…

“Hey!” a voice rang out from the end of the hall nearer to the bar. “What did I say, huh? Big romantic gestures always work!” 

Lena didn’t have to look to see that it was Kate talking. And she didn’t give her the courtesy of ending her moment with Kara to acknowledge her presence, either. She only held up a middle finger in Kate’s direction as she continued to kiss Kara with the fervor she should have used a long time ago. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Look. I'm writing and posting my ass off for the same reason y'all are binge reading off of archive rn. We're all stuck at home in desperate need of that sweet, sweet serotonin. PS, I'm gonna stop declaring chapters as the longest cuz I keep writing fuckin whoppers
> 
> If you didn't check it out yet, I'm working on a quarantine au story as a coping mechanism. Read it if you want, or don't, you do you. 
> 
> Love yinz. Stay safe. Feel free to come chat on tumblr or something if you need someone to talk to during this rough time.  
-Tess-


	13. Good Mexican Food Heals All Wounds

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "In the middle of the night, when I'm in this dream, it's like a million little stars spelling out your name..."  
Playlist:  
Treacherous  
Untouchable

Kara woke to an acute pounding in her head. The sunlight, which was streaming in through the window to her right, was normally a welcome sight for a Kryptonian. But now it seemed to shoot straight into Kara’s brain like a knife, far too bright for her in her current state. 

“Ugh,” Kara groaned to herself. “Yep. This is why I don’t drink. Freaking  _ hangovers _ .” 

Kara rolled over on the pull out couch in Kate’s living room, her bed for the past couple of nights, only to find Lena laying next to her, shielding her eyes with her forearm, similarly affected by the previous night’s festivities. 

“Sucks, doesn’t it?” Lena responded dryly as she lowered her arm so she could look at Kara. 

Kara had a fleeting thought, or a question, more accurately. Just what  _ exactly _ happened between her and Lena last night? She remembered drinking, dancing, Lena attempting to speak Kryptonian, a really  _ good _ kiss…

And then her memory gets a little fuzzy. But things had been so  _ heated _ between them before Kara’s memory turned to mush. Was it possible that they…

Kara pulled up the blanket covering both of them to check to see just how clothed she was. Pajama shorts and a t-shirt. Okay. And Lena? 

“We didn’t have sex last night,” Lena said, guessing at what Kara was checking for. “If that’s what you’re wondering.” 

“Oh,” Kara said, sighing slightly in relief. It wasn’t like she would have been against the idea. Anything  _ but _ . However...

“Not for lack of trying on your part,” Lena continued. “But I figured...that would be something you would want to remember. After waiting all that time.” 

Kara chuckled. No matter how far apart they were, physically or mentally, Lena always seemed to  _ get _ Kara.

“Yeah. You are entirely right about that,” Kara said appreciatively. 

Lena sat up slowly, taking in her surroundings she likely didn’t take much time to consider the night before. 

“Kate’s place?” Lena asked. 

“Yep,” Kara said, moving to sit up as well. 

Kara was used to Kate’s place. The darkness, the dust, the general lack of any kind of personal touch. It was a place to crash at night, and nothing more, as far as Kate was concerned. But Lena, who didn’t consider herself to be all that interested in interior design until Kara came along and brightened up every corner of her life, their home included, looked around with a look of general distaste.

Or maybe that was because of the person the apartment belonged to and not the apartment itself. 

“You’ve been sleeping here?” Lena asked, a hint of agitation in her tone. 

Kara knew she had to tread carefully here to avoid a fight with Lena. She couldn’t let things fall apart. Not when they had just gotten so close to being together again.

“More like I’ve been crashing here a few hours a night in between tracking down mobsters. But...yeah.” 

Lena thrummed her fingertips against her knee, eyes narrowing at Kara.

“You know you’ve put me in a bit of an impossible situation, right?” Lena said. 

“What do you mean?” Kara asked. 

“It’s just that on one hand I just want us to pick up where we left off last night becuase I fucking  _ missed _ you. But I’m also still kinda pissed at your for leaving in the first place. And for staying here. With  _ her _ . On a fucking pull out couch. When you could have been  _ home _ with  _ me _ . ” 

Kara bit her lower lip, wishing selfishly that Lena would choose to act on that first part. 

“Your feelings are completely valid,” she said. “I’m...sort of pissed at me, too.” 

“Hmm,” Lena said, searching Kara’s face with contemplative, lovelorn eyes. “So is there a coffee maker in this hovel of an apartment or what?” 

Kara tried not to make it too obvious that she knew her way around Kate’s kitchen as she made them coffee. But she felt Lena watching her carefully nonetheless, and she was dying to know what she was thinking. 

“I was going to tell you before all of this happened,” Lena said. “I had a plan and everything.” 

“Tell me what?” Kara asked obliviously as she poured Lena a cup of coffee from a french press, standing across the kitchen table from where her wife sat. 

It was a tall, wide table with a few too many layers of varnish, punctuated with old bar stools instead of regular chairs, making Kara think that Kate was just taking the older furniture out of her bar and bringing them here instead of buying proper furniture. Speaking of, where was Kate, anyway?

“You know. About...how I felt about  _ you _ ,” Lena said carefully.

Kara remembered almost telling Lena she loved her last night. She was always almost telling her. Becuase it had never stopped being the only thing in Kara’s life that was constant and unwavering, like the bedrock that she built everything else in her life on top of. But then Lena almost said it back. And that knowledge had made Kara feel more drunk and giddy than any amount of alien alcohol.

“Oh,” Kara said, trying to play it cool as she slid the mug intended for Lena across the table, her stomach doing somersaults. “What was the plan?” 

“Well it’s not nearly as grandiose as learning a foreign language and flying across the country,” Lena said dryly. “So it isn’t important now.” 

Kara drained the rest of the liquid in the french press into her own mug, knowing it would be gritty and far too strong but preferring that Lena get the better cup of the two of them. 

“It’s important to me,” Kara murmured, looking up at Lena until she met her gaze.

“Okay,” Lena said, trying to hide the smile tugging at her lips as she got up and slowly started walking around the kitchen table towards Kara. “Well, I was going to either make you dinner or take you out, depending on what kind of mood you were in. Probably somewhere that was ridiculously expensive, because that would have made it feel more special. But it probably would have just left you hungrier than when we left and we would have ended up at a drive thru afterwards anyhow. I probably would have done a lot of stammering and stumbling on my words all throughout said dinner because I am  _ not _ good at talking about my feelings. But you would have figured out what I was trying to say. And to encourage me to say what I needed to say you probably would have done something like squeeze my hand or-” 

Kara reached out instinctively and took one of Lena’s hands in her own. Lena froze in reaction to it, looking down and letting out a calming sigh. 

“I would have told you that I...I’ve been in love with you since that night we watched movies on the roof. But that my instincts told me to strain against it. To keep you at a distance. Becuase it didn’t make any  _ sense _ . I mean why the  _ hell _ would someone like you be so  _ unwaveringly _ in love with me? I was so worried about screwing it up and doing something to make you change your mind about me that I pushed you away. Which just made things  _ worse _ because all you wanted was for me to love you back. And I  _ do _ , Kara, I-” 

Lena was staring down at their joined hands, hesitant to meet Kara’s gaze. Then Kara touched her chin in a gentle, guiding motion, and Lena looked up into her eyes, her lips trembling.

“And then you  _ left _ before I got to say any of that,” Lena said with a touch of bitterness in her voice.

“Well-” Kara said exasperatedly, dropping her hands to her sides. “Damn, Lena! I wouldn’t have gone anywhere if you had said all of that before I left!” 

“You bolted out the door before I got the chance!” Lena replied. 

Kara felt paralyzed, needing too many things at once. She needed to cry, needed to yell, even if it was at herself. She needed to laugh. And most importantly, she needed to kiss Lena and feel her hands on her like they had been last night. Lena seemed similarly frozen with indecision, resulting in the two of them at a stalemate, standing so close that their noses almost brushed. 

There was a sound of a throat clearing next to them. Kara turned to see Kate leaning against the doorway of her bedroom. 

“Look, I dunno if you two are gonna fight or fuck. But either way, can you do it somewhere else? I know what kind of damage you two are capable of in either scenario, and I’m an inch away from being evicted as it is.” 

Kara sighed in mourning of their derailed moment. Yeah. She was ready to go home.

*

Neither Kara nor Lena were not happy about the idea of Kara flying them home, seeing as they were both hungover as all hell and the idea of it made their stomachs collectively turn. But the alternative was a very long private flight back home, so they both sucked it up and Kara flew them home herself, gripping Lena as politely as she could manage without dropping her. 

Kara knew they had more to discuss than what they had managed to flesh out in Kate’s apartment. And she had every intention of trying to work through things with Lena when they got home, but there was one person who was arguably more pissed at Kara for taking off than Lena. And she wasted no time commanding her to the DEO the second she found out Kara was home. 

“You can’t keep taking off like this!” Alex hollered to her sister in the exercise room as she made a show of beating the crap out of a punching bag. She was the only person who loved punching things when she was angry more than Kara did. 

“I’m sorry!” Kara exclaimed. “Kate needed-”

“Oh I don’t give a  _ fuck _ what Kate needs,” Alex grunted through a sequence of quick jabs against the sand filled bag. “What  _ I _ need is for you to tell me when you plan on ducking out of work for a couple of days!” 

Kara frowned, moving to stand opposite of Alex and hold the bag for her so it wouldn’t swing so erratically. 

“Nothing bad happened while I was gone. If it had…”

“That’s not the point, Kara! The point is that you don’t talk to me anymore!” Alex stopped assaulting the punching bag long enough to catch her breath. “God I  _ hate _ it when you and Lena are having problems. You get all broody and quiet and nothing else matters to you until you’re back together again.” 

Kara thought on that, wondering if Alex was right, wondering what they must look like to the people that cared about them that watched from the outside.

“Okay,” Kara conceded. Maybe you’re right.” 

Alex gave the bag one last punch before sighing, looking at Kara sympathetically. 

“No I’m not. I’m just being crabby. And you were just finding your own way of processing the reminder of Lena almost dying when she got hurt out at the park. Trauma...makes you do weird shit.” 

Kara tilted her head, considering her sister.

“Kelly is starting to rub off on you,” she said.

“Ugh. God. I know. I can’t even get properly mad at people anymore because I’ve got all this...psychology mumbo jumbo in my head telling me why I shouldn’t rush to judgement.” 

“Sounds like empathy to me,” Kara teased.

“Yeah, well screw empathy. And screw you,” Alex said with a half hearted smack to the punching bag.

“Aww. You don’t mean that,” Kara teased.

Alex groaned, and then held her arms out for Kara to hug her, which she gladly obliged. 

“Now go fix things with your wife, ya dummy,” Alex said into her sister’s hair, giving her an extra tight squeeze for good measure.

“Ah,” Kara said, pulling away. “Yeah. How exactly would you proceed if your wife flew across the country to tell you she loves you and then made out with you but now is kinda distant because she’s still pissed at you for leaving?” 

Alex scoffed. 

“Fuck if I know. My marriage is  _ normal _ .” 

“Wow! Rude!” Kara said, slapping Alex on the shoulder playfully and then feeling her chest flutter in excitement and she remembered her moment with Lena that morning. “She told me she loves me, Alex.” 

“Whoa. Hang On,” Alex said, abandoning her workout completely. “ _ What _ ? When was this?” 

“This morning. Well, she didn’t say the exact words, but, she heavily implied it.” 

“Hey, it’s something, right? So then what? Have you guys, you know,  _ fully _ made up?” Alex asked with a suggestive waggle of her eyebrows.

“No. You ordered me over here before I could try!” 

“Oh, yeah. Woops.” 

“Yeah  _ woops _ . Ya mood killer,” Kara pouted. 

“Sorry! Well. What are you still doing here, then? Go forth and conquer...or whatever.” 

Kara scrunched up her nose. 

“Conquer? Really?” she asked. 

“I dunno, I think those aliens in the park did a number on my head when they were knocking me around. Wait, who are you again?” 

Kara glared at her sister, hitting her in the shoulder again, harder than the first time.

“ _ Not _ funny, Alex.” 

*

“Lena?” Kara called softly when she stepped into the apartment. When she didn’t immediately answer, Kara could help but have the intrusive thought that maybe Lena had left because she didn’t want to be around her. But then she finally heard Lena respond, muffled, from her workshop. 

Kara carried the takeout bags with her as she made her way to the spare bedroom Lena had converted into an at-home lab, which violated about fifty building codes, but no one ever seemed to have the nerve to call Lena out on it. 

“Hey,” Kara said, leaning against the doorway and watching Lena as she tinkered with some indiscernible piece of tech. None of how humans approached mechanics made any sense to Kara, no matter how many times Lena tried to explain it. 

Lena looked up from her work just long enough to give a cordial hum of acknowledgement. Kara could have read into it as Lena wanting to avoid her, but she also knew her look of determined scientific discovery when she saw it. This was Lena’s way of processing things. When she didn’t know what to do with her thoughts or feelings, she found something to work on, and by the time she had finished her work she had also found her peace of mind.

“I figured you wouldn’t be in the mood to go out, not after last night, so I brought home dinner,” Kara said.

“Ugh, you’re wonderful,” Lena said appreciatively as she made a few adjustments to the hunk of metal and wiring in her hand with a ridiculously small screwdriver. “I can’t go more than an hour without snacking or my stomach tries to go sour on me.” 

“Tell me about it,” Kara replied, still not feeling 100% after their night at Kate’s bar.

“Well, let me just wrap this up and I’ll join you out in the kitchen.” 

“No need,” Kara said, plopping the bag of takeout down on an unoccupied table. “I’ll join you in here.” 

“You know you shouldn’t eat in a lab,” Lena said with a playful side eye.

“Never stopped you before,” Kara said as she bit into a tortilla chip defiantly.

Lena’s eyes went wide.

“Is that from the Mexican place two blocks over?” she asked expectantly.

“Yup,” Kara said with a knowing smile. 

“Ugh, now I wish I hadn’t already said I love you because now is a  _ much _ better time for it.” 

And that was it. Lena’s way of coming to terms with how she felt for Kara and how she had chosen to express it. It was simply her way, and Kara didn’t even blink at it: the profundity of Lena’s love for Kara dropped casually into a conversation about mexican food. 

“Ah ah ah. No take backs,” Kara said. 

They ate quietly for the most part, Lena with her feet propped up on her work bench, slumped as low into her chair as she could manage, and Kara perched on a tall lab stool at the table adjacent to her, inhaling an ungodly amount of salsa. 

“Do we do this often?” Lena asked, cutting through the silence.

“What? Eat in the lab? Yeah, you never remember to feed yourself when you’re in work mode.”

“No,” Lena replied with a chuckle. “I mean, get into these big dramatic fights.”

Kara swallowed hard, past a large mouthful of food and her own conflicting emotions. 

“It wasn’t a fight,” she insisted, ignoring the memories that bubbled to the surface. 

“Alright. You’re right.  _ Misunderstandings _ , then.” 

Kara shrugged as nonchalantly as she could.

“All couples have misunderstandings,” she said. 

“None quite so dramatic, I’d think,” Lena quipped.

Kara smiled despite herself. It was true. She thought back on every time they’d been at odds with each other, both before and after that huge, nearly world ending blow up that nearly split them apart for good. If there was one word to describe their history,  _ dramatic _ certainly seemed like a good fit. 

“We’re an alien superhero and a tech genius raised by xenophobic sociopaths. What did you expect?” 

Lena laughed hard enough that she had to take a minute to settle a cough that had erupted after she nearly inhaled a bit of hot sauce. 

“Okay. You may have a point,” she finally said.

Kara felt her chest tighten. There was still that huge secret hanging over them, about the true nature of their relationship, the way they had had to pull themselves out of the ashes of their anger and betrayal and stitch together the parts of their hearts that hadn’t been charred. If there was ever a time to tell Lena the full truth, it was now. When everything was out in the open, when Lena could finally say with some ease that she loved Kara again, when Lena seemed willing to accept that their relationship had never been perfect....

And then Lena stood, crossed the room, and unexpectedly took Kara’s face in her hands, pulling her in for a rushed, heated kiss, and all that reason Kara had in her mind fell right out. 

When Lena finally pulled away and released Kara from her grip, Kara felt like she was drunk all over again. And Lena, in a way that felt all too familiar, went right back to sitting at her work bench and her dinner as if nothing had happened, save for the blushing smile on her face. 

“May I ask what that was for?” Kara asked, trying not to giggle like an idiot from giddiness. 

Lena shrugged.

“Maybe I just felt like it. Maybe it was my way of saying thanks for sticking by me while I, you know...figured things out.” 

“Uh,” Kara said with a chuckle. “I don’t know what else you expected me to do. This apartment is too nice for me to want to leave. You would have had to kick me out.” 

“Kara,” Lena sighed indignantly. 

“Okay, okay. I know what you meant. But I also mean it when I say that I don’t know what else you expected me to do. Next to you is the only place in this world that I’m meant to be.” 

Kara’s response seemed to have the effect on Lena that she was hoping for. Flustered, enamored, and speechless. And then Lena deflected from the surge of emotions by throwing a tortilla chip at her.

“What a  _ line _ ,” Lena groaned. 

“Hey! If you can’t eat in a lab, you definitely can’t _throw_ _food_ in a lab, Lena!” Kara said through a laugh, deflecting another chip assault in the process. 

*

That night, Kara opted to sleep in the guest bedroom again. Everything in her body screamed for her not to, demanding that she drag Lena away from the lab and into their bedroom and see where the night took them. But if there was one thing that Kara knew for certain about Lena after all these years, it was that she needed to come to certain decisions on her own and in her own time. And Kara didn’t want her to feel pressured to do anything she wasn’t ready for. Even if Kara had herself been ready for it for  _ months _ . Instead Kara went to bed long before Lena did, tired from the long flight and the previous night’s excursions, while Lena was still up working in her lab, Kara padding past it with one last longing glance on her way to the guest bedroom.

*

_ Lena stared at her computer screen, willing herself to absorb the information she was trying to read, instead of just getting a headache from the glare of the light it gave off. Her thoughts were elsewhere from her work. Where? As if that were a question. They were always on one thing, one woman, who had derailed her life in all the worst and the best ways combined.  _

_ Letting herself daydream about Kara was like letting herself drown. She could try and tread water, try and keep from admitting the inevitability of them crashing into each other again and again, but Lena knew that she was beyond help, and it was just so much easier to sink down into it… _

_ Before she could talk herself out of it, Lena was shutting down her computer, grabbing her bag, and heading out of her office, with one destination in mind. _

_ One anxiety ridden cab ride later, Lena found herself approaching Kara’s office. The rest of the staff in the building noticed her entrance with lingering glances and whispers, having become unused to the sight of the charismatic millionaire dropping by the office at her leisure after months of avoiding it, and Kara, like the plague. But Kara didn’t see Lena walking towards her. She was clacking away at her keyboard furiously, deep in thought. She didn’t look up from her screen until Lena cleared her throat just a few paces away from the desk, straightening the fabric of her dress nervously. Kara looked up, startled by the break of her concentration, her face almost lighting up at the sight of Lena until it fell, remembering that things weren’t the same between them anymore. _

_ “What is it, Lena?” Kara asked. Her voice was strained, sad, tired.  _

_ “I needed to see you. Can we talk somewhere private?”  _

_ Kara didn’t respond at first. Lena started to doubt herself, wondering if coming here unannounced had been a huge mistake. Then Kara stood up from her chair, and walked away from Lena and down the hall, turning back only once to give Lena a look that signaled that she meant for her to follow.  _

_ Kara opened the door to a vacated office space Lena didn’t recognize, walking in wordlessly and holding the door open for Lena, an old habit, before shutting it behind her. _

_ “What is it?” Kara asked, voice strained and tired, as she moved to sit on the edge of the unused desk.  _

_ Lena swallowed past the yearning in her chest that felt like it might crack her ribs open if she kept ignoring it.  _

_ “So, Supergirl,” Lena replied in the most neutral tone she could manage, even if the effort made it sound more like a whimper.  _

_ Lena watched Kara flinch at the sound of her heroic name while she was without her suit, noting the way Kara’s body went rigid, her eyes locked on the floor, bracing for whatever came next. Lena could tell she was definitely expecting a fight, either verbal or otherwise. _

_ “Don’t you want to ask me why I wanted to see you?” Lena asked.  _

_ Kara shrugged, her hands opened at her sides in a silent concession.  _

_ “There’s something I want…,” Lena said, taking a single step towards her, no more and no less, her voice soft and reverent like a sinner in a confessional booth. “That I need. And I can’t avoid it any longer...I can’t avoid you any longer.” _

_ Kara brought her eyes slowly up to meet Lena’s, her chest swelling from a sharp and sudden intake of breath. When their eyes finally met, the force of it shocked through Lena’s blood like an electric pulse. It was the same pulse Lena had felt every time Kara’s eyes lingered on her for too long, every time she hugged her a bit too closely, every time their hands brushed not so accidentally. But Kara still said nothing. She wasn’t going to make this easy on Lena, even if the tension seemed to visibly strain her. And that was fine. Lena would have expected nothing less. _

_ “Kara,” Lena insisted softly, like she was invoking the name of a god.  _

_ Kara visibly shuddered, giving away everything she was trying so hard to hide. And that was all it took for Lena to give in to everything she had told herself to keep buried deep down. If the strongest woman in the world couldn’t fight this anymore, what chance did Lena have?  _

_ Kara was far too far away from her. And that simply wouldn’t do. If Lena was going to drown, it would be in the depths of those blue eyes. So Lena stood and took a step towards Kara, who’s hands went rigid at her sides like she had to restrain them from being drawn to Lena body on their own accord. Lena, on the other hand, did not hesitate to bring her hand slowly to cup Kara’s face.  _

_ “Kara,” Lena said again. “Are we too far gone to find our way back to each other?” she asked, hoping, willing for Kara to answer on the contrary. _

_ The muscles in Kara’s neck tensed, her eyes made a path from Lena’s lips to her eyes, and she took a long, deep breath.  _

_ “No,” Kara said, eyes closing as she leaned her face into Lena’s touch.  _

_ Lena felt...relieved. There was no brushing this off anymore; no going back, no pretending this wasn’t real. In Lena’s mind, she drew a line on the floor between them, on her side of it was the way they were now, and on Kara’s was what they could be. And with a resolute sigh, Lena crossed it, and kissed her.  _

_ At first, the kiss was reserved. It was the expression of the calm relief that came with knowing they had been right about how they felt about each other. And it was comfortable, like the exhale of the breath they’d both been holding since the moment they met. But when Kara pulled away, looking at Lena like she was starving for her, all Lena’s reserve went out the window.  _

_ She pulled Kara in, desperately, as if each kiss could turn the clock back by a second or two until they had made up for all that lost time, until they were back at the beginning; until they were whole and new again. Kara’s hands found their way to Lena’s body as if she had mapped every inch of it with her eyes and already knew by heart where she wanted to touch her first. Lena felt like her skin was on fire everywhere Kara touched her, and she wouldn’t be satisfied until she was completely burned up.  _

_ Lena finally pulled away to catch her breath, only for Kara’s strong grip to lift her up by her thighs and turn, setting her down on the desk she had just occupied, leaving Lena no option but to wrap her legs around Kara’s back and lower her mouth to Kara’s neck until she groaned with need. Lena felt the mouse of an unused computer press into her back as Kara lowered her down against the cold metal of the desk, and Lena grabbed it by the cord and threw it out of the way. Kara’s hands began to slide up Lena’s frame, starting from her thighs until she found the zipper of her dress and pulled at it roughly. The zipper broke. _

_ The dress had cost over $3000. _

_ Lena would just buy a new one.  _

_ As the dress fell uselessly to the floor, Kara took a moment to stare, memorizing every part of Lena she didn’t know yet, before she sunk back into her, her mouth spelling out every thing left unsaid between them on her skin.... _

*

Lena woke with a start, gasping. She was at the computer in her lab, alone, and not being fucked by Kara. She looked at the clock, and when her eyes finally focused she saw that it was just after 1 am. 

Was it a memory? Or just a dream? 

Lena stretched out her aching neck as she pondered the possibilities. It had felt so much more...vivid than a regular sex dream. But nothing about it was specific enough to be sure that it was a real memory. No context, no detail. If she were being rational she could have just surmised that it had been thrown together by what Lena knew about Kara’s place of work and what they had discussed earlier over dinner. But it felt so  _ real _ . Real enough to make her mournful of it’s abrupt end, and to leave a demanding need between Lena’s legs. She could take care of it herself…

Or. 

Lena should have been nervous as she sat up, stretched out the cramps sleeping hunched over a lab table created, and walked towards the door. She should have questioned whether or not this was a good idea, considering the late hour, as she tiptoed out of the lab and down the hall towards the guest room. 

But she didn’t. In fact, she had never felt so sure of anything in her life. 

Lena’s hand hovered over the doorknob of the room Kara was sleeping in. She took a second to adjust her sweatpants and t-shirt, wishing she had come to this decision in a more...enticing outfit. But, hopefully, it wouldn’t matter soon.

Lena slowly opened the door. Kara was sound asleep, snoring slightly, the moon from her open window shining down on her golden hair. She remembered digging her fingernails through that hair in her dream. The elicitation of memory from the dream alone was enough to propel Lena over to the bed before she could change her mind. Lena sat down on the edge bed gently, looking down at Kara and wondering what  _ she _ was dreaming of. 

“Kara?” Lena called softly, placing a gentle hand on her forearm.

Kara’s eyelids fluttered and then slowly opened. She looked up at Lena with a sleepy, confused, but still loving and caring expression. It made Lena want to melt. 

“Lena? What’s wrong?” she asked, sitting up slightly. 

“I...I think I remembered something.” 

Kara’s face was a mixture of surprise and something else more complicated that fell somewhere between elation and concern.

“What? What did you remember?” Kara asked. 

Lena smiled down at Kara, who had a small red mark on her cheek from the imprint of the pillow. She wondered at how every little thing about Kara, all the good and all the bad, all the remarkable and all the mundane, captivated Lena and filled her tired heart until it nearly burst. Perhaps if she had stopped worrying so much about whether or not she was able to love Kara the way she deserved, her mind would have stilled long enough for her to realize that she already did. 

“This,” Lena replied, and leaned in to kiss her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter should have ended with full blown smut. but. It's not done yet and I haven't updated in over a month so. Next time, next time, I promise.
> 
> Sorry I've been away from this fic for a little while, my inspiration comes and goes in waves amidst farm work and pandemics and...yeah. But I still love this story and all of you for following along with it, and I'll try to get on the next update sooner.
> 
> Love yinz,  
Tess


End file.
